It’s another morning, another start the day. Jongin wakes up to the lovely whisper from Soojung telling him the breakfast is ready, sitting up on the kitchen table with an abundant feast of Korean breakfast cooked by none other by his wife, and sent to work with a sweet chaste kiss on the lips and the feeling of  his wife’s ‘come back home safely’ on his lips. It’s not something unusual, it’s been years, as long as his and Soojung’s marriage. Into the third year now.

 

The distance from Jongin’s apartment to the station is not far, one of the advantage that made him and Soojung chose the apartment at the first place. It’s not far from Soojung’s parents home too, makes it easier for his wife to visit her parents. The faces Jongin sees on his way to work are no stranger for him. He bows his head when he caught eyes with one of the familiar face, Joonmyeon. They always take the same train to work, and turned out they are working on the same business district.

 

Jongin crouches down a bit as he scans his card on the entrance, the barrier in front of him opens and lets him pass. He lets out a sigh when he gets to his peron, the first person in the line.

 

Jongin looks up and he sees it, again—the same big billboard that’s been there for the past few months.

 

A big billboard of South Korea’s superstar—Do Kyungsoo.

 

He lost as his thoughts in a few minutes, staring at the eyes on the billboard intently, “Hey, look! It’s Kyungsoo-oppa!” Jongin turns his head as he sees a high school girl clinging to her friend with a big smile plastered in her face. 

 

“Don’t you think he’s so perfect? He sings well, his acting is good, and his smile is the best one too—urgh, why someone like that can’t be my boyfriend....”

 

Her friend only laughs at her as she says, “Only in your dream, girl. Someone must be equally perfect to be dating someone like him. We’re not good enough for him.”

 

Jongin feels a thump on his heart.

 

“I’m not good enough for you.”

 

He tears his gaze from the billboard and trying to not think of anything when he sees a train approaching and he quickly hops inside it.

 

The conversation between the two girls is still ringing inside his head as he takes his usual seat by the window. He leans his head back to the window behind him, not wanting anything but the conversation to disappear.

 

---

 

When Jongin was still in high school, he used to be curious about a boy that his mom always talked about. He came home one day and her mom greeted him with an excited expression on her face.

 

“Jongin-ah, do you know the Do’s family who just moved in on fourth floor? They’re so nice, and their son is really handsome! His name is Kyungsoo—he’s a little tiny compared to you, but he’s older. I think you should be friends with him.”

 

“Jongin-ah, today I met Kyungsoo again. He’s so polite, and he even helped me to bring the groceries because he said I shouldn’t have brought it alone. You should be polite like him too.”

 

“Jongin-ah, Kyungsoo just brought us some kimchi! He said his mom made it and it’s too much for their family because there are only three of them so he suggested to give some of them to the neighbor, including us! When we bake some cakes later, we should give it to them too. You go send them okay?”

 

At first, Jongin never understood why his mother was always head over heels over this boy called Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo this, Kyungsoo that. And he didn’t like it  how his mother seemed to like Kyungsoo more than him—he’s her son for God sake, not Kyungsoo!

 

So when one day he saw a boy with a different high school uniform walked on the same route with him one day, he just knew that it was Kyungsoo. He wanted to say something bad to him, or simply tackled him down to ground and say how his mother was going weird because of the said-boy.

 

There were a lot of prank forming inside Jongin’s mind and a playful smirk already made its way to his face, but when Kyungsoo turned around to face him, all of the ideas seemed to fly out of his head immediately, leaving nothing but a frozen Jongin standing in front of Kyungsoo, the Do Kyungsoo. The boy looked confused for a while but he didn’t look hesitant to give Jongin a big smile—damn, he had those heart shape lips that made his smile looked more radiant.

 

“You must be Jongin? Your mom told me a lot about you.”

 

He hopes only good things.

 

The boy laughed softly at the dumbfounded face of Jongin. “Only good things, don’t worry.”

 

Jongin was about to let out a relieved sigh when Kyungsoo said again, “Ah but is the story about how your parents lost you on the amusement park because of you following the fried chicken stan instead of them considered as good?”  

 

---

 

Jongin shakes his head as he is waken up from his thought by the touch of someone’s hand shaking his shoulders, none other but Joonmyeon’s. “It’s our stop,” Joonmyeon tells him. Jongin, who is still in daze, immediately sobers up and quickly following Joonmyeon outside. He curses himself silently as he makes his way through the morning people rush to the exit. He almost missed his stop, goddamnit.

 

It’s when he steps on to the concrete ground below him after series of stairs that Jongin can catch his breath. He lets Joonmyeon drags him by the arm to the not too crowded area before Jongin gets swapped by the group of people going in and out of the train station.

 

“You okay, Jongin? You look a bit off today,” Joonmyeon asks, worry evident in his voice.

 

Nobody told me to get ready to have an old scar confronted me first thing in the morning.

 

“It’s nothing, I’m okay. I think I slept late last night. Coffee might help, want to grab one?” Jongin looks around and find his favorite coffee shop. “My treat, as a thanks for earlier.”

 

Joonmyeon pursues his lips, seemed to be thinking for a while, before nodding. “Well, Yifan is telling me to cut off my caffeine intake, but I think I can do with some right now. It’s not good to decline a free offer,” he smiles cheekily at Jongin, who is rolling his eyes at the mention of the latter’s boyfriend, “Are you really?”

 

“What Yifan doesn’t know won’t kill him, Jongin. Come on!”

 

---

 

“Good morning, welcome to ‘The Owl Nest’ coffee and bakery! What would you like to order?” The man behind the counter smiles as he looks expectantly at the two businessman in front of him. “What do you have for today’s special?” Joonmyeon asks after he scans the menu behind the cashier.

 

The cashier leads their attention to the small brochure he retrieved from behind the counter, another familiar figure greets Jongin’s sight. “Here we have our new ambassador of the café, Do Kyungsoo! He chose one of our special and modified it into his preferences. Strong and refreshing! Would you like to try?”

 

It’s all started with Jongin’s mother baking too much cake for The Kim family to munch on in a beautiful Sunday morning. The clock showed that it was fifteen past ten and Jongin was still sprawled on bed, face mushed on the pillow. He was dreaming about having a holiday on New York and just about to audition for the Broadway when his mother hollered “WAKE UP JONGIN OR I WILL NOT COOK CHICKEN FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY DINNER TONIGHT.”   

 

That immediately brought Jongin to a woken up state, he felt his view spinning a bit because of the immediate change of position. He could hear her mom’s words as she exited his room, “Go brush your teeth and change. And bring the cake to the Do’s household. I expect the task to be completed in one hour Kim Jongin!”

 

Jongin could only groan as he walked to the bathroom, Monggu following his steps asking for a morning kiss. Oh, the things he would do for chicken. His birthday wasn’t even that day, it was two days after that and his mom already fussing about his birthday dinner.  

 

Fifteen minutes and sixteen seconds later Jongin found himself in front of the Do’s household door, with his mother’s effort of baking inside a nice patterned paper bag on one hand and Janggu’s leash on the other. The said dog itself was playing with his shoelaces, finding the color interesting. Jongin shifted at his place after ringing the doorbell. Truth to be told, he was nervous. He would probably meet Do Kyungsoo again after their first encounter a few weeks before.

 

His heart was definitely not ready to be attacked by that heart-shaped smile and big twinkle eyes and his soft voice and…

 

“Jongin?”

 

Jongin didn’t realize that between his train of thoughts the door was opened to reveal none other than, the Do Kyungsoo himself. Clad in a sea blue polo and a white shorts.

 

“Jongin?” the boy called once again, trying to get Jongin’s attention.

 

“Ah yes!” Jongin’s face was then red in embarrassment. He handed the paper bag to Kyungsoo, eyes avoiding the latter’s. “My mom tried baking today and she made too much cake for the family so we want to share.”

 

Jongin heard Kyungsoo clapped in excitement before taking the paper bag from Jongin’s hold and examining the inside of the paperbag, “Just in time for my birthday! Thank you so much, Jongin! Tell her I said thanks, okay?”

 

Jongin’s ears perked up at the mention of ‘birthday’, “It’s your birthday?” he asked in excitement, and the latter nodded with the same excitement. “Happy birthday to you, Kyungsoo!”

 

He heard Kyungsoo laughs, “And happy birthday to you too, Jongin. Your birthday will be in two days right?”

 

“Hey! How did you know that?”

 

“Your mother told me about your birthday.”

 

“Ah...” Of course his mom would.

 

They were in silence after that, Jongin didn’t know what to say more and Kyungsoo seemed pretty immersed on introducing himself to Janggu.

 

Janggu’s soft bark reminded Jongin about his another mission of taking her for a walk to the park. He felt tired actually, and would love to go to sleep again but her mother insisted to take Janggu out because she turned into a fat dog and it’s not healthy.

 

Jongin let out a yawn before answering, “Okay, Janggu. Let’s take a walk okay. Let’s get that fat out of your body.”

 

“I think you could use so coffee to wake you up properly,” Kyungsoo chuckled.

 

“I think I am. Gonna grab one on the way. I’m going to go now. She needs to exercise,” Jongin said, looking down at Kyungsoo who was crouching down near Janggu. Kyungsoo stood up, hands straightening the crumpled hem of his polo shirt.

 

“Do you mind if I join you?” Kyungsoo suddenly asked, and he looked nervous. Jongin wondered why. “My treat, a birthday treat,” Kyungsoo said again.

 

Jongin could only say yes.

 

They walked together to the coffee shop nearing their apartment building. Kyungsoo told him that it’s his regular café for studying and he likes the coffee there, he told him to taste their red velvet cupcake because it’s the best in his opinion.

 

“It’s here,” Kyungsoo said when they were in front of the café. Jongin looks up to look at the café’s name, ‘The Owl Nest’. The bell on the door jingled as Kyungsoo opened the door and they both made their way in.

 

“What would you like to order?”

 

“The café’ signature caramel macchiato with extra shot and whipped cream and cinnamon sprinkle.”

 

 “The café’ signature caramel macchiato with extra shot and whipped cream and cinnamon sprinkle.”

 

Jongin doesn’t realize the words he lets out alongside the now-amazed cashier’s explanation about Do Kyungsoo’s drink recommendation. Joonmyeon looks just as amazed as the cashier. His name is Jongdae, Jongin looks at the nametag.

 

“And for the cake, he recommends...”

 

“Red velvet cupcake,” Jongin cuts in.

 

“Have you ordered the promo before, sir? You seem to know a lot” the cashier, Jongdae, comments.

 

No, I just knew his favorites.

 

Joonmyeon who is silent all this time elbows Jongin lightly as he laughs, “I didn’t know you’re such a devoted fan of Do Kyungsoo, Jongin. How could you know all that? I’ll take Do Kyungsoo’s recommendations.”

 

I am probably more than a fan.

 

“What do you want to order, Jongin?”

 

“Americano.”

 

“Pfft. Your taste is boring.”

 

Jongin put up an offended face at Kyungsoo, even if he didn’t mean it, at the older’s statement. There’s nothing wrong with his taste! And he’s never one with the sweet tooth.

 

“I’ll let it slide today, just because it’s your birthday.”

 

Kyungsoo only beamed at him, but it did a thousand things to Jongin’s heart.

 

“So, one large hot caramel macchiato with extra shot and whipped cream and cinnamon sprinkle, one large iced Americano, and one red velvet cupcake. Is that all?” Sehun asks after he recites their order as he writes down the code on the paper and plastic cup before sending it to the barista. “Oh! And we have discounts for another red velvet cupcake today, because it’s Do Kyungsoo’s birthday!”

 

Jongin casts a glance at his phone, pushing the lock button only to light up the screen so he can check the date today. Ah, 12th of February.

 

Happy birthday.

 

“We’ll have another cupcake.”

 

---

 

After getting their coffee and hanging around the cafe to wait for the caffeine to have its effect, Jongin and Joonmyeon are on their feet again, walking together to their respective office buildings that are also happened to be side by side. Joonmyeon is talking animatedly, telling Jongin about his recent holiday to San Fransisco and his plan to visit Yifan's mother for the next winter, while not noticing that Jongin is not really paying attention to him. The younger only lets out occasional hum to not offend Joonmyeon in a way.

 

“Only in your dream, girl. Someone must be equally perfect to be dating with someone like him. We’re not good enough for him.”

 

"Ya!" Joonmyeon's voice puts a halt to Jongin's train of thoughts for the second time today. They are now in front of Joonmyeon's office entrance without Jongin noticing. "You're not listening..."

 

"Are you really alright, Jongin? You look... spaced out," Joonmyeon asks, as he sips his coffee, keeping his eyes on Jongin. Now, Jongin has the tendency to feel bad, he's been ignoring the older for the past 20 minutes walk and yet the older asked if he is alright, the worry evident in his voice, instead of whining or getting mad him.

 

Embarrassed, Jongin shifts his gaze to his shoes, suddenly finding it somewhat interesting. "Nothing, Hyung. I'm fine, only... lack of sleep I guess, like I said" Jongin lies.

 

Joonmyeon grins sneakily, "Oh you young man! Soojung keeping you up at night?" And then he laughs. Jongin doesn't answer the question, only giving Joonmyeon a small smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. The older doesn't notice it though.

 

"Ah right! I should go, have a meeting in 15 minutes. See you later, Jongin! Thank you for the coffee!" Joonmyeon bids Jongin goodbye before he starts to walk to his office building's entrance. Jongin waves at him blend when Joonmyeon suddenly turns around, "And Jongin, try to stay more awake okay! You almost bumped three people today if there wasnt me saving you!”

 

“Hey,” Jongin was still half asleep when he felt a pat on his shoulder. He peeked a little and saw Kyungsoo’s face welcomed him. “Hey, Hyung,” he answered the greeting with his eyes closed but not forgetting to flash his toothy smile to Kyungsoo.

 

When he heard the other boy laughed, he opened his eyes a little to see Kyungsoo’s amused face. “You can’t walk to school with closed eyes, Jongin-ah.”

 

“I can, I do this everday anyway.”

 

Kyungsoo sighs, “You’re weird."

 

“Don't care. You like me anyway.”

 

Kyungsoo snorted at the smugness on Jongin's voice. And believe it, Jongin knew Kyungsoo rolled his eyes before he said, “Yeah, I like you anway. Let’s go.” He could feel the older's boy arm circling his and pulling him slightly to the direction of the bus station. Their bus would arrive in another 5 minutes and Kyungsoo couldn't afford being late. 

 

The “walking together to school even if we were in a different school” thing started a week after their coffee date (or not a date, but Jongin liked to think it was a date), because Kyungsoo realized that Jongin had a trouble waking up early and always walking to school with his eyes half close. Even if there wasn't any accident yet but it was still a possibility in the future.

 

 Kyungsoo was more than glad helping Jongin's mother waking the younger up and making sure he had his eyes open on the way to school to avoid any accidents.

 

It was the first time Jongjn ever walk to school with someone, more so, someone that he liked, and his heart was thumping a little bit faster than usual. Jongin didn't mind the company, at all. Otherwise, it felt great.

 

“Jongin-ah.” Kyungsoo called as they waited for their bus to come.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Do you have any dream?”

 

Jongin opened one eye at the question, now looking at the tiny boy beside him with a side glance. “Why did you suddenly ask that?"”

 

“My parents asked me this morning, they said I need to start thinking about it because I’m already on my senior year. Just wanted to ask the same thing to you,” Kyungsoo ended his answer with his usual heart shaped smile.

 

Jongin gave a smile too as a return as he answered, “Well, I don’t have any particular dream. Used to want to be a dancer when I was still kid.”

 

“Really? You can dance?” Kyungsoo asked, voice laced with wonder.

 

Jongin nods as an answer, “I will consider myself as not that bad,” Jongin let out a light laugh, “But then it’s only a hobby. Being a performer seems to be hard, not all people can accomplish it. I think I can’t stand the entertaiment world.”

 

Kyungsoo nodded his head, “Yeah, I know.”

 

“So,” Jongin nudged Kyungsoo softly, “what’s your dream, Hyung?”

 

Kyungsoo tried to nudge Jongin back, but Jongin avoided it so Kyungsoo almost fall. He saw Kyungsoo’s pout started to make it's way to his face, all pouty lips. It was cute. “I want to be a singer.”

 

“Singer? You don’t even want to go to karaoke with me the other day! ”

 

“It’s because I’m shy, Jongin-ah. What if you don’t like my voice?”

 

“That will be impossible because I like everything about you." Jongin grinned.

 

Smooth, Kim Jongin. Real smooth.

 

"I had a nice breakfast today, don't make me throw it all up because of the excessive cheese," Kyungsoo warned him, but Jongin knows the small boy liked it. The evidence?

 

The thin blush on both of Kyungsoo's cheeks was an enough prove.

 

---

 

Thank God for Joonmyeon’s reminder, Jongin succeds at focusing his head and get to his office safely and not bumping to anyone or knocking someone's coffee. As soon as he gets there, he is given a stack of paper to work on, and his assistant tells him that he has a meeting at 12 o’clock. The load of work is good enough to distract Jongin’s mind.

 

“Yes, that’s all for today’s meeting. I thank you all for the participation today,” Jongin closes the meeting with a small smile, and the people inside the room disperses outside one by one, some of them talking to each other about lunch ideas. Jongin looks at his watch, the watch shows that it’s already past noon, 2 p.m to be exact. Not long after that, Jongin feels his stomach grumbles.

 

“Jongin, can you please just eat first? It’s already half past one and you haven’t eat anything! I don’t want you to be so exhausted to even eat okay,” Kyungsoo nagged from where he sat on the back of the studio. It was Sunday, and they both had no school and all the homework had been done so they decided to have a picnic date (now Jongin could call it a date, because, well, they are dating). And they were currently on Jongin’s old dance studio, because the younger promised Kyungsoo to show him his dancing after Kyungsoo showed Jongin his singing the last week. Kyungsoo was real good, Jongin couldn’t even closed his mouth because he was amazed with Kyungsoo’s voice. He truly believed that Kyungsoo would able to be a big singer one day.

 

“Kyungsoo...” the younger tried to reason out, because he was getting into the mood and the music blasted from the speaker was just too good to miss. But Kyungsoo had none of it, “YOU. COME. HERE. OR. I. GO. HOME.”

 

Seeing the visible fury on his boyfriend’s eyes, Jongin hurriedly turned down the speaker’s volume, the song was served as the background music. Nobody wants to deal with angry Kyungsoo, and if angry Kyungsoo meaned the older would give him silent treatment for a week then... no no.

 

As soon as Jongin sits down in front of him like an obidient little puppy that he is, Kyungsoo smiles and Jongin knew he’s so whipped. “Nah, why didn’t you just do what I said and saved us all the energy.”

 

“Now, what do you want to eat my Kyungsoo?” Jongin asked with aegyo full on blast, Kyungsoo usually cringed at the ‘my’ but that day he just let it pass. He didn’t answer Jongin and rummaged through the paper bag he brought from home.

 

“How about, Do Kyungsoo’s restaurant?” Kyungsoo suggested as he took out two stacked meal box from the paper bag and set it between the two of them. Without waiting for the latter’s response, Kyungsoo opened the boxes, revealing choices of dishes for Jongin to choose.

 

“You... made this all?”

 

Kyungsoo shifted in his place, now looking a bit embarassed and anxious that he hadn’t heard Jongin’s response. “Yes? I told you I like to cook so...”

 

“Have I told you lately that I love you?”

 

Kyungsoo cracked up at Jongin’s words, “Did you really just quoted Rod Stewart’s song at me? Can’t be any more creative?”

 

“Give me your hand, fast,” Jongin said suddenly. With questioning looks, Kyungsoo gave his hand to Jongin, and the younger fiddled with the string of thread he just found and tied it around Kyungsoo’s ring finger.

 

“Emm, Jongin, what is that?”

 

Jongin leaned back with satisfied look on his face, he raised Kyungsoo’s hand on his hold in front of the older’s face, showing off the now neatly tied thread on Kyungsoo’s ring finger and his. “It’s a reminder okay. So everytime I see it, I remember to buy you a real one and ask you to marry me.”

 

Jongin wants to laugh and scream out of frustration at the same time. Funny how he said those things before with so much certainty about spending the rest of his life forever with Kyungsoo. Funny how life took them into where they are right now. Funny how in two months everything changed, leaving them in separate ways with no possibility of another future together.

 

“Jongin, what brought this up?” Kyungsoo asked, his voice so small it almost unheard if Jongin didn’t listen focused enough. Jongin knew it’s the voice sad Kyungsoo, devastated Kyungsoo, broken Kyungsoo.

 

The news of Kyungsoo’s acceptance came a week before that, confirming that the older would be a trainee under the biggest entertaiment company in Korea, confirming that the older would pursue the dream he always wanted to do. The road might still be long, but Jongin knew Kyungsoo would make it. He was born for it. The older had been beyond excited and happy, already planning everything inside his head.

 

Jongin had played the role of a good boyfriend, being supportive and all. But he couldn’t stop the thoughts, negative thoughts, forming inside his head.

 

What if one day Kyungsoo debuted as a singer, then people knew about his relationship with Jongin? Would they felt disgusted and decided to not give Kyungsoo any chance to prove his capabilty as a singer, because simply he was in love with the same gender?

 

It’s gonna the worst nightmare that Jongin ever thought about.

 

And then he realized...

 

He wasn’t good enough for Kyungsoo.

 

Jongin is only... Jongin. He is a boy. He’s not a cute girl like the one who gave Kyungsoo love letter two weeks ago, or the one that worked as a cashier on ‘The Owl Nest’ who wrote her number and call-me-xoxo on Kyungsoo’s coffee cup.

 

Kyungsoo is also a boy. Their relationship would end sooner or later.

 

Kyungsoo did deserve someone better out there.

 

And it wasn’t Jongin.

 

And it would be better if it was a girl. Maybe it would be a cute girl from a girlgroup, or pretty actress who got along well with Kyungsoo.

 

Kyungsoo deserved a normal relationship, and it wasn’t the one he currently have with Jongin.

 

Jongin always hated himself for his low self-esteem, and he let that part of him affected his unrational thinking. His heart kept telling him that Kyungsoo wouldn’t do that, Kyungsoo wouldn’t do this. That Kyungsoo loved him, that Kyungsoo would love him for what he is. But, before his heart made another decision, his brain decided to speak for him.

 

“I’m not good enough for you.”

 

Kyungsoo looked dumbfounded at the answer, “Jongin, you are always good enough for me, if not the best. You know that.”

 

“But I’m not a girl, Hyung...”

 

“...what? What the heck is happening with you, Kim Jongin? Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?” Kyungsoo asked, voice gruff and tone bitter. He was clearly holding himself back from blowing up. “Did someone talk bad about our relationship? Because we both boys yet we falling in love with each other?

 

“No, no, it’s just—“

 

“Then what happened? I swear I don’t understand what you are thinking, Jongin-ah. At least explain to me?"

 

“It just that... I’m not good enough for you. Nothing else. You.. you deserve better. I’m sorry,” And everything ended as Jongin turned around, walking away from their usual spot at ‘The Owl Nest’ near their neighborhood.

 

Kyungsoo let Jongin had the final word, and Jongin also didn’t look back.

 

Jongin feels a tear sliding down his cheek, never realizing he is crying at the first place. He quickly wipes it with the back of his hand, not wanting to raise suspicions. Good thing there isn’t any person besides him and his assitant, Sehun who is busy with the papers in his hold to notice his boss is crying. Jongin fishes out his handkerchief from his pocket to wipe the wetness on his face.

 

He clears his throat once before asking, “Sehun, do I have any other schedule after this?”

 

The assistant fumbles around the tablet on his side, before looking up at Jongin. “No until one more hour, Sir. Is there anything I can do for you?”

 

“Can you re-schedule that meeting? I’m not feeling really good today.”

 

Sehun hums, “I’ll work on it. Wait for a minute sir,” then Sehun makes his way out to the secretary. After a good five minutes, he comes back with an understanding smile on his face. “All good, sir. It’s re-scheduled for next week. You can go home and rest. Do you want me to call you a taxi so you don’t have to take the subway?”

 

Jongin flashes Sehun a thankful smile, “That would be good, thank you, Sehun.”

 

**

 

“Jongin? Why are you home early?” Soojung asks in surprise once she opens the door.

 

Jongin shakes his head, “Only wanting to come home early to my wife. Is that wrong?” Jongin chuckles lightly. I’m sorry I’m lying, Soojung-ah.

 

“It’s not that I’m unhappy that you’re home early, but, did something happen?” She asks again as she moves aside to let Jongin gets in and puts his shoes on the rack.

 

Someone decided to remind me everything about Do Kyungsoo today, my heart is aching, and I’m on the verge of tears.

 

Ah, and do you know that today is his birthday?

 

“I don’t feel really well. Must be the lack of sleep. So I decided to go home instead of continuing my work.”

 

A frown makes its way to Soojung’s pretty face as she heard Jongin’s answers. Jongin leans down to land a peck on her lips to brush away the frown—and it always work— before walking to the living room where the sound from the TV can be heard, “Don’t be sad. A nap and I’ll be fine.”

 

“You’re watching something?” Jongin asks as he puts his bag on the couch. And as if it’s not enough, he sees him, again.

 

“Yeah, it’s Pure Love’s cast live interview! You know, the one who has Do Kyungsoo as male lead. Don’t change it, I want to hear the interview from the kitchen okay. I will prepare some food for you,” Soojung’s voice fades away in the background as Jongin draws near to the television’s screen. He sits down on the couch, eyes fixed on the screen.

 

It’s him—the Do Kyungsoo, looks completely plain in green shirt. His skin looks tan, different from the skin he used to touch—Jongin heard from Soojung that this time he filmed in the countryside for two months, no wonder his skin got darker.

 

“Before we start the interview, let’s give a happy birtday to Do Kyungsoo! We wish you a great year ahead!” The MC beams up and runs to Kyungsoo to shake his hand. The birthday boy only smiles and bows down in thanks, waving to the camera.

 

“So, Kyungsoo-ssi, what do you think about the storyline from this film? Isn’t it different from what you used to do?”

 

Kyungsoo adjusts his mic first before he answers,“Well, kind of? The latest role I had is an imaginary boy so of course this one is different. My role this time is a bright kid? And it’s new. But with the help from producer, also staff and the other cast during the filming, I was able to protrayed my character more than my expectation.”

 

“What do you think of the story then? Doesn’t it remind you of your first love experience?” The MC asks with a teasing smile.

 

“Yes, it is.”

 

Jongin gulps.

 

“Really? Maybe you can share it a little bit? Your fans must be curious right now.”

 

“Hmm... it’s when I was still in high school. My first love is someone who lived on the same apartment building with me, but we lived on different floor. That person is younger than me—a year younger and has puppies.”

 

Jongin swears his heart drops at the moment.

 

Did Kyungsoo just mention him as his first love?

 

“What a lucky girl to be your neighbor,” The MC’s comment makes draws laughs in the studio, but Jongin slightly pisses off because he just got mentioned as girl. But he completely understands that no one will ever thought that Do Kyungsoo’s first love is a boy. “And then, after that?”

 

“We felt comfortable with each other and dated for few months, but something happened and... we broke up.” Kyungsoo’s flashes a smile again but the smile doesn’t look playful like before, “We never talked to each other again after that.”

 

Jongin can see a sad expression on the MC’s face. “I’m sorry, Kyungsoo-ssi.”

 

“It’s okay. For me, my first love is completely different from the so called ‘bright, pink, full of hearts’ kind of first love. It’s more blue and sad? Because it didn’t end well I think, but still it was a good experience for me. I remember how she... the person who supported me a lot when I said I wanted to be a singer. She said she liked everything about me, so she believed that others will too. I feel that being a singer is not only my dream, but it became our dream, together. That’s why I worked really hard to be a singer. She danced too, but I don’t know if she still does.”

 

“Why don’t you two try the entertaiment world together?” The MC asks curiously, earning nods from the viewer on the studio.

 

“I also wonder why. She was great, I saw her when she was in the studio and I never saw somebody got into the music as much as her. It was really hard to make her eat because she wanted to dance first,” Kyungsoo’s eyes looks far ahead, like he replying the image inside his head. Then he looks at the MC, smiling sadly, “But she said it seemed to be hard to be a performer. She said she could’t stand the entertaiment world.”

 

The MC nods in an understanding manner before looking at the camera, “Maybe she’s currently watching the tv right now, Kyungsoo-ssi. Do you want to send any video message for her?”

 

Kyungsoo nods his head almost immediately then he stares straight to the camera. It’s almost feel like he’s staring right into Jongin’s eyes.

 

“If you are watching this, I wanted to say thank you for all the times that we spent together. And I’m really sorry if I’m the main reason why we no longer talk to each other ever since that day. I hope you are happy now,” Kyungsoo flashes a smile—the heart shape smile that always be Jongin’s favorite, “and I know this is two day’s early..”

 

“Happy birthday.”

 

“Jongin, the food is ready do you—“

 

Soojung stops at her tracks when she spots Jongin in the living room. Eyes on the television, frozen on the spot. And.. is that tears that Soojung sees?

 

“Jongin? Are you okay? Why are you crying?”

 

Soojung’s question seems to catch Jongin’s attention because then he turns his head to Soojung, “No, it’s just I just yawned,” Jongin smiles, but Soojung knows better that it’s forced. She wants to act, but there’s something that prevents her to do so.

She doesn’t ask further.