The sun sets slowly tonight, as I check my phone once again. I look at my phone screen, looking at her last message. It pisses me off honestly, but the message feels like a heartbreaking message.

I feel like I don’t want to come back to Seoul again. I don’t want to work again.

I know she’s upset. She’s obviously frustrated. After her sister leaving the group, she feels so lonely there. The situation changes into the unexpected one. Her management tends to push her into the limit. Well, sometimes I experience the same thing, but she’s different. She becomes more sensitive towards everyone. Suddenly her aura is drowned. She keeps herself busy but it can’t cover up her sadness. Just like her sister, several people also try to avoid her. Well, I guess the term “avoiding” is not compatible, “ignoring”, maybe, can represent it the most.

Strangely, I can’t stay away from her, as if she has a magnetic charm in her that makes me fallen so hard. She’s so independent yet fragile for me. I remember the last time we met, she’s crying in my apartment, telling me that she’s tired of her life. It’s heart-breaking to hear that truthfully. She sounded like a hopeless person, the loneliest girl I’ve ever known. However, she doesn’t show her weakness to everyone, only me. She shows her weakest mind and soul to me. I don’t know whether have to feel blessed or cursed. All I know I care about her so much. All I know she needs me in every situation. Reality is getting worse but surely I’ll be there for her.

It’s funny actually to think about our closeness. I don’t know when we start to get closer, I don’t even know what kind of relationship we’ve been through. I’ve met her before, of course because we involved in the same industry. However, the gap started to disappear since we had a drama together; Being a cute couple and showing our lovey-dovey attitude. As time goes by, we become closer naturally.

Let’s say she is just a girl that needed love and support. It’s true though. Jung Soo Jung is fragile inside, that’s why I want to protect her so bad. So here I am, sitting on the plane and waiting for it reaches the land. Spreading the lie that I’m going to US to visit my relatives so no one knows, except my manager, members, and family. I have to meet her, to comfort her. To say “I miss you” directly. To be with her in our private place.

I want to see her.

***

USA, 07:23 PM

I called her this morning. Her voice sounds a bit better. She said that her sister will come to New York tonight and her parents will go to LA the day after tomorrow. It means I probably meet the whole family. I’ve known her sister since a long time ago. What can I say? Our leader has a relationship with the maknae, meanwhile Jonghyun hyung broke up with Yoona nuna then I don’t know, seems like they are getting back again after Yoona nuna broke up with Seunggi hyung. It’s almost impossible for me not knowing her sister. Also, I’ve already met her parents. They’re nice. Mr. Jung is such a lovely father and Mrs. Jung is indeed beautiful.

I push the button in front of me. The bell’s voice is ringing around the corridor.  I’m finally arrived at her apartment after convincing myself that everything’s gonna be alright and Soojung will come back to Seoul. Not long after that, someone opens the door. A woman with long hair and petite body smiles widely to me.

“Ah Minhyukie. Please come in”, she says it in English. Well, she probably feels comfortable talking in English. After quitting from her group, she decided to stay in US. It’s like her second home, Soojung told me that. She looks so dashing tonight honestly.

“Thank you, nuna”, I follow her inside. She asks me to sit in the couch. “Do you want to go somewhere? You look so ready to go out”

She smiles again, “Ne~. I want to meet some friends”

“Where are the others?”, I ask about her parents. Seems like the house is so quite.

“They have dinner outside. I guess they will come back soon”, she explains it clearly while her hands are so busy with her stuffs, preparing everything to go out. “I’ll tell Soojung that you’re here”

She’s gone to her sister room. Honestly, the atmosphere is a bit weird there. Jessica nuna looks happy but sad at the same time. I don’t know, but she looks more mature.

She then comes to meet me again when the maid is serving an orange juice for me. I thought Soojung will meet me in the living room but Jessica nuna is alone. She shows me her sad look. Suddenly, I feel a bit nervous. My brain is thinking hard, wondering what happen to her.

“Minhyukie, seems like she doesn’t want to come out. You can see her in her room if you want”, she obviously offers something I can’t reject. I just nod my head slowly and she gives me a bitter smile. I know it Soojung will be like this. She’s upset and tired, extremely tired. “So, I will leave you here. I hope you can make her better. Make yourself at home”. She taps my arm softly, signaling that I will make her change her mind. Well, Soojung is a stubborn and bold girl somehow. Sometimes, she listen to me well like a 5-year-old kid, but the other day she can be a stubborn 30-year-old woman who doesn’t want to listen to any advice. But, tonight, I don’t know. Whatever version of her, I have to coax her.

I slowly walk to her door, making no sound.  The door is actually half-opened. I softly knocks the door, signaling my presence. I see her laying on the bed with her eyes focusing on her phone. Her eyes are staring at the door, looking at me. She says I can come in, and then positions herself to face me. I’m walking closer to see her face because the light isn’t so bright. I sit at the edge of her bed. She gives me a hug. I rub her back softly. “I miss you”, I say and she answers, “I miss you, too”.

“Have you eaten your dinner yet?”, I ask her, releasing her embrace. She shakes her head swiftly. I sigh suddenly, “You should eat. Should I make something for you?” She shakes her head again. She looks a bit thinner actually; she probably represses herself to not eat something.

I gaze at her move for awhile, wanting to discuss about she who doesn’t want to continue her career in Seoul. But, I hesitate a bit, trying to read her mood. Soojung is a bit strange today, she’s calmer. I wait for five minutes, looking at her playing with her phone not talking or anything, but her eyes look so sad.

“I’m here if you want to talk”, I dare to say. Her eyes focus on me again, trying to open . “Let’s get back to Seoul, hm?”, I say it finally, waiting for her response.

“I don’t want to go there. I want to be here with my family, with my sister”, she says coldly. She doesn’t sound angry but I know deep down inside she wants to throw her tantrum so bad.

“But you have to continue your career, your dream. You still have a contract, sweetheart”, I try to convince her but right after I say about contract, her face becomes furious. I realize that I’ve done something wrong. She’s still sensitive about that thing.

“Soojungie, I-“

“You don’t know how hard it is, right?”, she bits her lower lips, trying to endure her anger. I slowly grab her hands, softly squeezing them. Luckily, she doesn’t refuse it.

“You know I’m the one who knows about that the best”

She bows her head. I guess it the tears are streaming down, and it’s true. Soojung is crying in silent. I abruptly hug her tight. I feel her body a bit trembling.

“Oppa, they threw away my sister. Perhaps, I will be like that. Perhaps, they will do something to my members, too”, she finally says it. When she says “they”, it means the management team. She’s disappointed obviously. “I have no passion anymore about my career. I am no longer passionate to be there anymore. All they know is how to get the profit. I feel like a mannequin. They don’t understand what I feel inside”

She is shivering and I try to console her. I know the entertainment industry produces several dangerous effects such as depressed, frustrated, tired, hopeless, and so on. I know exactly how it feels. I remember how hard Yonghwa hyung has to reduce his time to meet Seohyun secretly. Her management limited their time with some schedules, but hyung was clever enough to seek a chance. Anyway, the point is everyone, especially those who are famous in that industry, probably feels the pressure. But, only few can manage it. I also feel the same when my management company offers us a lot of schedules, comeback, tours, drama, variety shows, etc. It’s fun yet exhausted actually.

“You can always tell me what you feel inside, Soojungie. I know what it’s like, but you have to be strong. You are indeed a strong girl” I hear her sob gets louder. I embrace her tightly. She suddenly releases the hug, she’s indeed mad.

“What? Am I the only one who has the responsibility within my group? Damn you! I thought you’re the one who sees me different!”, she is mad abruptly and all I can do is trying to make her voice softened. Don’t ask how angry I am, because yes, I don’t like it when she accused me as the one who can’t understand her feeling. I feel like I’m a jerk who abandons her alone, who makes her feel so lonely. But, now here I am, sitting beside her and trying so damn hard to comfort her. It obviously makes me angry. But I can’t scold her or yell at her. It’s not because she’s in her sentimental term right now or not because she’s so ing sensitive. It’s because she is Jung Soo Jung, Krystal Jung, the one I love the most.

We’re in the battle of glaring now. Her eyes are so persistent and bold, yet I find deep sadness there. Suddenly, my anger evaporates to the air. I move my body closer and embrace her once again. Her body was so stiff back then. I put my head on to her shoulder so that she can also feel a bit relaxed. “It’s not what I mean, Soojung. You know I never thought something like that. I know you hurt so bad. Since nuna left, you become passionless. But I will never stop loving you”

I release my embrace as I see her face deeply. She looks like she wants to cry out loud but instead of crying, she bites her lower lip.  My hands unconsciously move to her cheeks, wiping her tears carefully. “What I want to say is you have to look after your second family, f(x). They need you, not because of you are the main vocalist but because you are the part of them. I know you feel so disappointed about their decision to kicked your sister out, but your sister is a strong woman. She will find her own way. She will be healed, sweetheart. Besides, I will be there for you. If my schedule isn’t that busy, I’ll come running to you”, I say it between my kisses to her eyes, her lovely eyes. I can feel her smile appears shyly. She knows my words are true, that’s why she circles her arms to my body.

“So, it means you will go back to Seoul?”, I ask her as I put my hand around her waist. I feel her head nods slightly against my chest. I smile from ear to ear.

“Promise me you’ll be with me”, she says, still hugging my body.

I kiss her forehead and hair gently, “I will”

Then I know I will spend my night in her room, within her embrace.

Enjoy :)