This is a lot more slow-paced than Where it hurts. I hope that's not a bad thing - and that it's not completely boring, especially the beginning ^^' Thank you for subscribing and leaving me a comment! And don't be afraid to tell me what you think of the story! I want to get better ^^'

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Weird as it may have seemed, Jongdae wanted Baekhyun to meet his boyfriend. He was never like this, but with Minseok, it seemed to be real. They had been together for nearly a year now and although there were bumps – sometimes major – in the road, he never thought it would end quickly even if the love was difficult to find in their relationship.

And Jongdae being Jongdae, he wanted something fun, something exciting and different. So he booked them a campsite for two small tents – they were going hiking. As a double date because he liked Chanyeol – and he would be bringing his own boyfriend so it was only natural. He thought.

Because Minseok thought otherwise. It had been a terrible conversation, but Minseok didn’t want their relationship to continue, not the way it was. It had started out like all of Jongdae’s relationships had started out – well, except for one – and that seemed to be the one thing that always broke them up. Minseok thought they had gone way too fast – but had been unbearably late to let the other man know. And Jongdae… he didn’t feel too bad about it because he knew this was how things always went and he felt it was strange that Minseok had stayed with him for so long. The only thing he did feel bad about was that he hadn’t said anything sooner because now there was a booked camping spot and he didn’t have a date anymore. How heartless he thought he was.

“But I– I might know someone who could go with you instead,” Minseok said after the already awkward talk with Jongdae. Of course he noticed how his now ex-boyfriend seemed pretty much unfazed by the break-up, but there was a part of him that cared still. A part that wanted to – at least – stay friendly with each other. Because that was the way he had started to care for him – like a friend instead of a lover.

“Oh?” Jongdae said, knowing he sounded too interested in this new offer. Well – this had been his way ever since… ever since his first approach hadn’t worked out the way he wanted it to. Don’t think about that, he told himself when he felt a slight sting of unease in his stomach. He wanted to, somehow, cover up the way he said it by saying something else, but Minseok was fast enough to interrupt. He hummed and nodded.

“He loves camping, he told me,” the short man said.

And so it happened. Jongdae stood outside, waiting with a very happy-looking couple of Baekhyun and Chanyeol – together for around the same time he and Minseok had been a couple. They were constantly reaching out for each other and being touchy, while Jongdae felt a little bit left out. But as a car slowed in front of the apartment-building, he wasn’t so much focusing on them anymore and instead hoped he would at least like this guy. Minseok hadn’t told him so much as his name, presuming Jongdae wouldn’t know him anyway, so he was extremely curious.

Well, until the man stepped out of the car. His face had matured and his hair dyed a deep red – which must have caused him trouble here and there – but it was undeniable. In front of him stood Joonmyun, the first and only person Jongdae had ever tried to get close to before starting something that wouldn’t last. It took a while before anyone said anything, but Chanyeol was quick to introduce himself and his boyfriend when he noticed this wasn’t going well. Joonmyun didn’t seem so happy though, although there was a smile on his face. When he was done talking to them for a while, he turned to Jongdae, who stood there with his heart pounding in his chest.

“Jongdae,” he said, voice soft, but there was a strain there too. Jongdae wanted to laugh like he usually did, but he felt constricted, he wasn’t sure what Joonmyun wanted – and that was definitely not the first time. He forced himself to smile instead.

“Hey,” he said, voice surprisingly normal, “I didn’t expect it to be you, to be honest,” he continued, feeling the nerves of speaking to him after such a long time slowly ebb away after the first few words.

“I thought Minseok would have told you; he told me,” Joonmyun replied and somehow, it felt weird to talk like this with his friends standing right beside him, both unsure what to say or do with the situation. Jongdae blanked for a second at the words because if Joonmyun knew what he was getting himself into, why would he still have come?

“You still came?” he asked, gesturing for the older man to put his suitcase down for him to take. He did and Jongdae was honestly surprised. They hadn’t been on the best terms when they last saw each other after all.

“I like camping,” he said with a shrug, but there was a hint of a smile – something that made him look as if there was more to it than that alone. Jongdae put the suitcase in the trunk of his car and without much further talking – they had a few days ahead for that anyway – they went inside. It was hot as it had been standing in the sun and Jongdae heard Baekhyun complain, but didn’t pay it much attention because he turned the air-conditioning on as soon as he started the engine.

During the ride, Baekhyun and Chanyeol chatted from behind Jongdae and Joonmyun sat beside him silently. While Jongdae was trying to find a reason for Joonmyun to be there – he simply couldn’t think of himself as the reason because of the awkward between them – Chanyeol glanced at him more than once through the rear-view mirror. It was something Jongdae had seen a lot of times before already; in between the jokes and the outgoing, seemingly careless personality, there was a friend who particularly worried about the ones surrounding him. Of course Baekhyun got to see that side of his more often than anyone else, but Jongdae seemed important enough to him. He’d smile back and focus on the road again, but the feeling kept nagging him. The two hadn’t asked anything about their past and Jongdae wasn’t willing to open up about it yet. Simply because it was the most painful memory he held.

After a rather long drive through the mountains, they finally arrived at the campsite. Jongdae knew he had been thinking too much and was rather afraid that it wouldn’t be getting better – especially because they were going to sleep next to each other. Of course he could have asked the couple to split up for him, but he wasn’t that selfish. In fact, it was him who thought they had needed a little help last year and it all seemed to have turned out exactly the way he liked it – a happy Baekhyun. Well, happy wouldn’t even cut it, he thought as he looked at the two who were bickering in a playful manner as they started taking the two tents out of the trunk of his car.

“Okay guys let’s do this,” he announced, more because he didn’t really want to speak to Joonmyun directly than anything else because Baekhyun and Chanyeol had already started unpacking the different parts of their tent. Joonmyun kneeled down next to their own and skillfully laid out the different parts in the order they’d be needing them and Jongdae hesitated. Was he going to try and get more out of him than just the I like camping part, or was he going to let it rest? He chose the second option for now and helped out.

There were some simple words spoken and in contrast to what Jongdae had anticipated, Joonmyun laughed often – mostly when Jongdae made small mistakes and the older man had to correct him. It started to feel as if Jongdae was the only one who thought of their past as painful, so he tried to go along with the boy he once loved.

It already started to get dark when they were all finished building up their place to sleep for the next few nights. Chanyeol groaned and let himself fall to the ground while Baekhyun sat beside him.

“My hands,” the taller of the two whined and Jongdae winced – this was going in the wrong direction already. As a friend, Jongdae had heard one too many times of Baekhyun’s hand-thing. Luckily though, Baekhyun had the dignity to take into account that they weren’t alone and simply patted his boyfriend on the head.

“What are we doing tomorrow?” Joonmyun asked after there was some casual conversation about how happy they all were to get on this little trip. Jongdae realized that since they hadn’t spoken about it at all, the older man didn’t know any of what they were going to do.

“We’re going into the woods tomorrow, climb up to the top of this mountain,” Jongdae explained and felt how he got worried – the same feelings from back then started coming back. He knew Joonmyun never really appreciated how hard he tried, since he never got a reaction out of him so it was hard that he seemed not to be over him. Because Joonmyun’s smile was still beautiful and the way he had laughed when Jongdae made stupid mistakes sounded too affectionate – especially when he gently pushed him aside to help him. There was one thing that had definitely changed though and that was that Joonmyun didn’t seem to be shy anymore – not at all even. The reason they had been quiet the whole ride wasn’t because of that, but merely because Jongdae had no idea what to say and apparently, Joonmyun hadn’t either.

“The view up there is supposed to be great,” Chanyeol added after a while and Jongdae assumed it was because he was lost in the fingers playing with his hair. There was some kind of envy – Jongdae had never been in such a relationship, not even with Minseok. It was the longest he had ever had the same boyfriend, but it was easy to see what was missing. Baekhyun and Chanyeol had it and Jongdae had felt it only for Joonmyun and he was the only one who ever rejected him – although he had done so without words.

Since Jongdae had driven them all the way there, the others felt they needed to take care of the food. Chanyeol cooked while the other two helped him here and there. Jongdae noticed how well they all got along and felt a sting somewhere in his chest. How great would it be if Joonmyun could have accepted him back then? Of course he could try again, but having his heart broken twice wasn’t something he was willing to risk. He would wait and see what happened – if anything would happen – and in the meantime, enjoy the mountain air and views from up there.

When they finally had dinner, he was surprised by how well Chanyeol had cooked. As they all ate and chatted, laughing like they had all been friends for ages, time seemed to fly by and soon, Jongdae felt his eyelids get heavy. A glance at the screen of his phone showed twelve thirty, so it wasn’t entirely strange he started to feel sleepy.

“Guys, I’m going to sleep,” he announced, hoping Joonmyun wasn’t tired yet so he wouldn’t have to awkwardly lie there with him. But while he stood up to brush his teeth with bottled water, everyone else followed.

It didn’t take long before everyone was settled in their respective sleeping bags and Jongdae barely dared to breathe. He somehow wanted to let Joonmyun think he either wasn’t there anymore, or was asleep, but of course that failed. Luck didn’t seem to be so much on his side. Especially because there was some giggling coming from the tent right next to them.

“I like your friends,” Joonmyun said, but he was barely even finished when stumbling and awkward laughter sounded. Jongdae felt how he turned beet-red, those two were not supposed to be doing anything when they could hear everything.

“Baek, don’t – aish stop it,” Chanyeol said, but it seemed the smaller man wasn’t paying too much attention to his words. A little while later, there was a yelp and more stumbling, then Chanyeol’s deep voice murmured something Jongdae didn’t hear quite well and then it silenced completely – at least, there was thankfully nothing for them to hear anymore.

“I’m sorry for that,” Jongdae said, still feeling the blush stain his cheeks because this was all so wrong and embarrassing – something he never felt with any other boy he had been with.

Morning came way too late to Jongdae’s liking, but when the first light seemed to shine through the front of their tent, he was up and away from the suffocating place. He hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep and while he assumed himself to be tired because of that, he felt that he wasn’t. Rather, he was excited because he had had the time to think things through and he had made up his mind. He was going to try one more time to make Joonmyun his. After all, how hard had it been with anyone else for the past years? There was barely anything needed for them to want to come home with Jongdae and he was simply not having it that Joonmyun would be the only one that wouldn’t do that. Especially because he had showed the older man so much in the past – he had actually tried – and that was what frustrated him. That was what he needed to make right this time around.

When he got back from a quick shower at one of the stalls of the campsite, Jongdae expected Chanyeol to be the first one up after him, but it was Baekhyun who showed his face first. Normally, Baekhyun wasn’t all that much of a morning person, but he seemed bright light the sun when he emerged from his sleeping place. Something about that was just suspicious, but he didn’t point it out and instead merely greeted him good morning.

“I’m guessing,” Baekhyun said after the two sat in silence for a little while, “that you and Joonmyun share some history?” Jongdae felt how he got somewhat insecure from the question, but he was going to let his positive side rule him for at least the rest of the trip, so he grinned instead.

“He didn’t return my feelings,” was all he said and Baekhyun nodded slowly, sipping from the water bottle after that.

“But he’s here anyway.”

“Right,” Jongdae replied for lack of a better answer. “By the way – not that I actually want to know but I kind of do – what the hell were you two doing last night?” he then asked and could easily have slapped his own face because that was definitely something he didn’t need to know, not when he was sure that it were things Jongdae wouldn’t be able to do with anyone anytime soon. He wanted to take the words back, but the way Baekhyun looked – simply blissful – made that he couldn’t.

“Oh I was just joking around with him – and then he kind of thought he could come sleep in my sleeping bag.” There was a nervous chuckle because as he said it, sounds could be heard coming from where Joonmyun was still supposed to be and a little later, the oldest of them came outside, looking refreshed for some reason. Jongdae thought it stunning to see him come out of there in such a state and wasn’t aware of the smile on his lips.

When they were all showered and geared up with packed food and water bottles, the small group set off and Jongdae felt again what he hadn’t felt for so long, genuine excitement. He surprised himself with how easily he was able to ignore Baekhyun and Chanyeol – and especially their excessive touchiness.

Maybe that was also due to the attention he got from Joonmyun. Asking him how he had been the past years, if he had been able to follow any of the dreams he had had back then. Joonmyun told him in turn that he had been able to enroll into the biggest entertainment company, now working there as a vice president – which somehow explained his hair. Jongdae could only stare at him when he said that because although the older man had always been ambitious, he had never thought he dreamed this big.

“That’s awesome,” he said after a little while, trying to search for his two other friends who were apparently up ahead a little further already.

“I was just really lucky, I think,” Joonmyun pondered, seemingly doing the same as Jongdae was. “They’re fast,” he commented and both laughed at the realization that maybe they were just slow. So they naturally tried to pick up their pace, but in his hurry, Joonmyun tripped. “Oh ,” he said under his breath, but Jongdae was quickly by his side.

“Are you hurt?” he asked, grabbing a hold of the other man’s arms to haul him up and see if he could properly use his foot still.

“No, it’s alright,” Joonmyun said, but the slight wince didn’t go unnoticed. But since the older man tried to smile convincingly, Jongdae didn’t have much of a heart to disagree with him, so he let him walk on his own.

“If you need anything–”

“I know,” Joonmyun said with a smile, one that was radiant enough not to defy, “thanks.”

And while Jongdae felt his heart swell and realized many things why he had fallen for this man in the past and did so right that instant as well, he also realized that this was what he hated most. Because Joonmyun didn’t mean it the way he wanted it to and even if he told him sweet words like ‘thank you’ and was genuinely interested in his life, he knew that it wasn’t the same.

So the rest of the way upwards, he relished in the talks they had and knew more and more about Joonmyun the way he was now. He seemed a lot stronger and more independent and also not so shy to voice out his thoughts like he was before. He even mentioned he thought the way Jongdae laughed at one of the things he said, was rather cute, another thing he didn’t see coming. His plan to win Joonmyun over was slipping through his fingers because he felt so friend-zoned that he wouldn’t even have the slightest chance anymore.

They reached the top, finally, and ran straight into the other two – making out. They weren’t even noticed the first few moments and even when they were, Baekhyun couldn’t really seem to detach himself from his boyfriend and Chanyeol dutifully gave in. Jongdae sighed, feeling that jealousy thing again so he instead focused on the beautiful view. He sat down on the bench that was placed for that purpose and raked his eyes over the hundreds of trees that stretched out beneath them and further down, the first signs of the city were already visible.

“Jongdae-yah,” Joonmyun called him from behind and he was startled by it, but tried not to show it as he turned to look at the older man, “can you hold me?” His voice was gentle – like it usually was – and while Jongdae wasn’t sure why he wanted this, he couldn’t deny him the request. So he got up and embraced him, awkwardly at first, but as arms wrapped himself around his own waist, he felt a lot more comfortable. Joonmyun’s chin rested on his shoulder and Jongdae bit his lip because he wasn’t sure at all what to think of this. “Thank you.”

“What for?” he couldn’t help but to ask. He needed to know many things – not in the last place if he still had a chance with him after all.

“For this and for… not sending me away – for giving me another chance.” Jongdae was genuinely confused, so he gently pushed the other man a little from his face to look him in the eyes.

“What do you mean?” Joonmyun frowned, giving his angel-like face a dark expression, and stepped away – leaving Jongdae to feel unexpectedly cold.

“I know how you always tried, back then,” he said and his voice sounded sad, “but I was scared and… and since then I’ve realized something – something that I wasn’t willing to admit until I’d actually meet you again. And now that I have, I know for sure.” Jongdae didn’t want to press, but he did want to because he needed to hear it, he needed the confirmation. “You were the only one who ever tried so hard for me and you’ve become the only person I have been able to love,” he continued and Jongdae took his time to tell himself he had heard all this right. “I can’t believe I never… I never had the courage – that I couldn’t once show you how much you meant to me – and still do. And how I just– left like that.”

From the corner of his eyes, Jongdae noticed a certain couple watching them and listening to the terribly sweet words that were spoken and he was sure that he had never blushed so brightly before. He shot them a look, but all he got in return was boisterous laughter – which he deemed totally mean, but he didn’t say anything to them.

They stayed on top of the mountain for the rest of the day, seeing others coming and going as they were playing silly games and telling silly stories, eating their packed food. While Baekhyun was sitting practically on top of Chanyeol the entire time, both Jongdae and Joonmyun were still too bashful to do anything of the sort, so they stuck with some simply hand-touching from time to time.

The next and also last day of the trip, they went to the lake. Now it wasn’t just Baekhyun and Chanyeol who were giddy, but Joonmyun and Jongdae were as well. The night had been equally awkward to the one before, but in a totally different kind of way. As they reached the water, there weren’t many others and they could swim in peace. Jongdae had nearly forgotten about the other two when he finally built up the courage to let Joonmyun know that he still and genuinely felt the same as he always had. He took the older man by his hands as they were both already in the water, near the edge so it wasn’t that deep. There was a giggle coming from Joonmyun’s lips and if Jongdae hadn’t been so tensed up, he would certainly have laughed at him.

“I love you – I guess that won’t ever stop,” he said instead, feeling corny as hell, but he felt the need to say it – exactly like that too. He kissed the lips in front of him, held that body finally the way he wanted to and wasn’t about to ever let go of him.

“I love you too,” Joonmyun said once they were rather out of breath, “I should never have let you go.”