it was originally his plan, to come home. not completely his hometown, his brothers were working in another country and all of the family decided to go except jaehwan. it had been a long time since he had come home, he really missed his two brothers and parents. he wanted to meet all his nephews and sister-in-laws too, but that wasn’t his plan all along. he wanted to come home to his family with joy and not feeling of dissapointment over love. sure, maybe he could call himself succesful by now, but quitting the job he had been working hard on getting promotions was still like a dissapointment and he didn’t want to go home to face his loved ones like that. so he decided to not come home yet.

jaehwan had chanted to himself so many times, “please forget him.” even after days staying at a rented apartment near the city he was staying, he could not easily forget the memory. and after that night, it was strange that he could remember all the things that happened between both of them and it was hurting him so much yet he couldn’t stop thinking that it was such a sweet memory.

he had forgotten to bring so many things, especially the gift he wanted to give hakyeon, which he had placed in his deepest part of wardrobe, where he usually placed gifts for him. he hoped hakyeon wouldn’t remember about it or wouldn’t expect to find something if he does.

it was the thirtyth day of june, his phone noticed him.

his timeline was full of people congratulating hakyeon. sure, he missed doing it and he’s jealous of people. he used to think that he should be the one who had the most words to say to him, and hakyeon would scold him for making him read to long and thank him that it meant a lot to him, and jaehwan was happy because hakyeon meant a world to jaehwan. but saying that would get so awkward, since he hadn’t been replying hakyeon’s messages.

at first, hakyeon was clueless. he’s not usually the one who enters anyone’s room, because jaehwan was always the one who stayed at hakyeon to have soft caressing and hair rufflings from the hyung, so he didn’t know. he wondered where jaehwan had gone to, had messaged him things about how he left something for jaehwan to eat for dinner as he planned to leave that afternoon. but when he came home late, he didn’t get any scoldings from jaehwan via texts, he also didn’t sense that jaehwan was home when he was already in front of the door. when he entered his room, it was empty, and so was hakyeon’s heart.

he went to taekwoon’s house the next day, only to be pissed and mad and dissapointed and feeling like he wanted to cry so hard and he wanted to run to his home to be comforted by jaehwan but he realized that jaehwan wasn’t there anymore, he wouldn’t have jaehwan to lean and cry on and his comforting words and smiles. he’s not there anymore, and he thought that it’s more hurting than what had just happened to him. 

it was his birthday and he was alone at home. he used to celebrate with jaehwan, also hongbin and even wonsik when they had time, but it was mostly just both of them. jaehwan and hakyeon together. they would buy a really delicious cake together and jaehwan would decorate their apartment until they felt like they’re still in kindergarten but they didn’t really care. they always had fun in either the thirtyth of june or sixth of april. but he was alone, he didn’t prepare anything for himself, he also ignored people’s messages and greetings for him when he knew they could all make him happy. he liked to think about how jaehwan would think of so man words to write for hakyeon, but he guessed, not this year. he wouldn’t get any of them. hakyeon only laughed to himself of how he only thought about how jaehwan would make all of these as a joke and would come home with a cake and a big smile on his face, and hakyeon would be never too late to say that he loved him. he completely forgotten about his cancelled marriage, he was slightly happy at the thought of taekwoon being stressed about this. not that he’s worried of taekwoon, anyway.

it was unexpected for him to remember about his wardrobe, because he hadn’t been thinking about it since his last birthday. it was where he would keep people’s birthday presents. it wasn’t like he didn;t like them so he kept it, he wanted to always keep and remember the good times until he’s old. he liked memories. and he got another special box for jaehwan. he used to gift him figurines, jaehwan’s alltime favorite, but jaehwan foud out his hyung wasn’t really into them although he was so happy when he recieved it so jaehwan started giving shirts that was useful for hakyeon. he’s wearing one of them at that moment, he had just realised. he then opened his wardrobe to find a box on top of his special box. and it’s from jaehwan. he didn’t know why all he wanted to do when he thought about the man was to cry. he missed him, he wanted him to wipe his tears and call him  crybaby, but it was too late. he stared down at the present, and decided that he would go find the man he just realised that he meant the world to him.

hakyeon took a deep breath before he felt the door being opened. “tell me where is jaehwan,” he tried to say it more calmly, and smiled at hongbin because he knew hongbin knew where he was.

but hongbin didn’t smile back. “it’s none of your business, hyung.”

hakyeon was surprised for a while, hongbin was never like that to him. “what’s up with you?” he  remembered why he was like that. wonsik and hongbin wouldn’t talk to him since he was gone.

“don’t you have a husband to take care of? why bother searching for hi-“

“it’s cancelled.”

he expected it. he knew hongbin would say that, but it was done. he almost wanted to laugh at how hongbin’s face turned from surprised to feeling sorry for hakyeon.

“it’s clear, hongbin, the wedding was cancelled. taekwoon cheated on me. i don’t know if it’s fair because i slept with jaehwan that night but he had been going overseas to date with that person and i could not stand it.”

it was sanghyuk, but he could tell no one. hakyeon should’ve known sooner, because they had been so close even before sanghyuk went to study.  

“what?” hongbin sounded like he still couldn’t believe what was hakyeon talking about.

“found out things days after jaehwan was gone. taekwoon had been smart hiding things but he never knew i know his email password.”

taekwoon never even lent him his phone even though they were close to being a married couple. still, he wasn’t that suspicious until that day, taekwoon wouldn’t let him see a specific email about work and hakyeon was trying to check it out himself, but instead he saw so many other emails from han sanghyuk. he felt sorry for the one about how taekwoon told sanghyuk to post something about his and hakyeon’s marriage and wondered if sanghyuk’s hurt about it. but why, why did taekwoon want to marry him? he wasn’t rich, he didn’t have anything to give to taekwoon. maybe he had another plan but he decided to not find out and end their relationship.

when he cried, taekwoon did nothing but stare at him from the bathroom door. hakyeon decided to throw their engagement ring to taekwoon before taking his things and went out of his house. he also decided to never ever step into that house, to never meet that man ever again.

“hyung,” hongbin started, after letting hakyeon sit on the sofa. he wondered if he could ask about it for a while but did it anyway. “why don’t you look sad?” hongbin was also shocked about how hakyeon talked to him like it was nothing, like he wasn’t hurt at all.

“i- i just never show it to people.”

and in a blink, hakyeon’s tears start to roll down his cheeks. “ah, why am i like this?”

he felt nice when hongbin hugged him tight. he had been alone before, only talked to a few friends and been calmed via phone only. he needed someone to comfort him and he was thankful of hongbin.

“you know when we first dated, i already knew it was all a mistake. he seemed to never been liking me more than a friend, either, bin-ah, because when we were meeting his family it was like it was all planned. it doesn’t come as natural as i want. you know, like in movies? it’s like some arranged marriage and i thought taekwoon loved me that day so i was happy when i announced it to jaehwan and also the next days... but it was all a lie.”

he was sorry. to know that jaehwan loved him but he didn’t do anything. he kissed him when he was going to get married, of course jaehwan would feel like his world was ending. he was clueless, he remembered about how jaehwan struggled to keep his smile on whenever they talked about it. he was sure he hurt jaehwan too much for him to have the same feeling as he had. he was more sad about the thought.

“i’m not really sad over taekwoon, it’s just that i already lost someone who loved me.”  and it was the truth. as much as he looked like he was sad about him, he was way more sad about jaehwan.

hongbin looked at hakyeon then. he was still crying and he got reminded about the day jaehwan cried to him. they looked the same. broken, hurt. jaehwan kept asking if hakyeon liked him or not and hongbin had no clue how to reply him. but now he knew.

“he still does, hyung.”

hakyeon wanted to do nothing but jump at his words. and maybe to cry more but out of happiness. he couldn’t believe how it was like his questions had been answered by hongbin, as simply as that. he smiled then. and this time, hongbin smiled wide at him too. “you don’t have to worry that much, hyung. i decided to not even contact you anymore, but seeing you suffer the way jaehwan hyung was make me feel like i should do something.”

“thank you so much,” hakyeon said while laughing a bit, still trying to wipe his tears away. “that face of yours definitely don’t lie that you’re an actual angel.”

 “jaehwan hyung is in japan right now, you sure you wanna go, hyung?” hongbin finally asked after silence for a few minutes.

but hakyeon had planned all of them. he had actually known that jaehwan had probably gone to his family, but he wasn’t sure so he went to hongbin. “i have the money. also have nothing else to do, you know, and bless my work for not requiring any offices besides my laptop.” he smiles, he kind of wanted hongbin to go, too. “do you have time to go with me?”

hongbin didn’t expect that. he got loads of photoshoots to do that week, and he felt bad. “i’m sorry hyung, i’d love to, but my managers would kill me if i leave.” he patted his hyung’s shoulder, hoping he wouldn’t dissapoint him. “but i have a shoot in japan maybe in a week. i guess i’ll see you there? you can always ask me about everything.”

“where does he live now?”

“he didn’t want to go to his parent’s house so he lived by himself now.”

“really?” he was worried as hell and when he knew jaehwan had quitted work just because of him. “is he working now?”

“no idea, probably not. kept sending me selcas of him with sweets.” hongbin showed him a selca from their chat room; jaehwan didn’t look as cheerful as he always was when he send hakyeon selcas, but there he was, with a cup of ice cream beside his cheek and having a little smile and hakyeon wanted to cry of how much he missed him. at least jaehwan looked pretty well and he was glad about that.

“hongbin-ah, do you think... he would accept me when i get there?”

and there, hongbin laughed and smiled to him widely, “you meant so much to him, i don’t even think he can move or anything once he sees you.”

he really hoped that would happen. “thanks for that.”

he decided to leave the very next day. it didn’t take a long time to reach there, but hakyeon was totally confused when hongbin told him jaehwan’s address (hongbin told him that he’d be there in a week so he gave it easily without suspecting anything, thank god). hakyeon didn’t want to surprise him, not really, but it’ll probably be really good when he met jaehwan in the streets.

he had been wandering around and asked people about jaehwan’s place, thank god for his good language ability but he only got lost in front of a mall. he was tired, he had been searching for three hours and the luggage he’s bringing was quite heavy. he then decided to rest a bit at some coffee shop near where he was.

it was only minutes until he met someone familiar to him. “mrs. lee! hello!”

it was jaehwan’s mother. she looked like she had just finished shopping from the mart. he could see how she seemed so confused before remembering who hakyeon was. “oh my, hakyeon-ah!” he felt so happy that she remembered him.

“i heard that you’re getting married! oh, why hasn’t my son told me about this!” he remembered how his mother was his facebook friend, of course he knew. “maybe he’s going to make it a surprise for his family, what an adorable son!” ...maybe? jaehwan’s mother thought he’s going to marry jaehwan? he didn’t even tag taekwoon in his post and no one was commenting about him? maybe she misunderstood?

honestly, it was normal. everyone thought so, even his own parents thought he was going to marry jaehwan, and he felt bad remembering that he had told them about how he was going to marry taekwoon instead. it was hard enough to explain to all of them that it was all cancelled and he didn’t feel like doing so. and seeing mrs.lee all happy about it, and didn’t want to dissapoint her, could only nod and smile to her.

“so where are you doing here?” she asked then,

why did he think lying is better than explaining things about the truth? “i- i’m here because jaehwan had something to do. i don’t even know you live around here, mrs.lee.”

“please quit with the mrs.lee, call me with mother from now on, okay?” he felt wrong when jaehwan’s mother was taking his hand and pat it. “aw, my son’s gonna marry a pretty boy. it’s nice seeing you, hakyeon-ah, but i’m sure i’ll yell at jaehwan when i get home. how dare he didn’t tell me about it! now, goodbye!”

and in a minute, she was gone. hakyeon wondered what has just happened.

jaehwan was there on his sofa again, head on the armrest and legs hanging on the other side with snacks all around him. he was sure that he had gained a lot of weight but it was the only way to at least, not get reminded about hakyeon. he never even pay attention to the tv because he didn’t really understand the language. he hadn’t been getting anything such as messages from anyone, and suddenly his phone rang. it was from his mother. he needed to act things up.

“jaehwan-ah! aigoo my boy trying to surprise your mother about your marriage? but i knew already!”

jaehwan was surprised and confused for a while. “what marriage, mom?”

“don’t act like you know nothing. i met hakyeon this afternoon.”

hakyeon..? he was... here? or did his mother go back to korea?

he was wondering for a while before the bell rang. it was probably a mail deliverer, hongbin also told him that he was going to send him something and because he hadn’t gotten a mailbox for his room yet.

“wait mother, i have someone at my door.” he said, walking up to open the door.

and now he knew hongbin didn’t mean it by something,

but someone.

it’s hakyeon.

“come here sooner, okay, your father misses you a lot and he would like to see you and hakyeonnie together.”

he sighed, one times, two times. he had to act up, didn’t he? he tried to not stare at hakyeon for a while and focused on his phone call. “of course, mother, i will do so as soon as i’m done with everything. tell everyone i love them. love you too, mom.”

and he threw his phone to the ground, seeing hakyeon’s face already full of tears.

it had only been three weeks but he felt like he hadn’t seen him in ages. he also wanted to cry, he didn’t know if it’s between of out happiness of sadness. probably both, but he never cried when hakyeon did, he was always the one who would hug him until he felt better. and he decided to still do it. when hakyeon walked in, backpack on his back and luggage in his hand, he stayed still until he was able to close the door. there, he hugged the older so tight and let him sob all he wanted in his chest. he didn’t think about anything besides hakyeon, how he felt desperate and places his lips on the other’s lips, how their lips moved with each other, how he pinned him at the door, how they catched their breaths and hakyeon let jaehwan admire how pretty he was, while wiping the tears away. it was all hakyeon.

he never really thought he would be doing it for the second time. jaehwan’s bed was so small, but at that time it was like it’s better than nothing. they both were so needy and he believed not any of them would dare to stop that night. it was better than before, both of them were sober, and he could feel that hakyeon wanted it as much as he did. it didn’t stop jaehwan from feeling so wrong about it.

when hakyeon woke up, he was worried if jaehwan would also leave, just like the last time. he turned his body to see the other boy there, already awake and he knew jaehwan had been staring at his back all the time. “hwannie..?”

“why do you come here, hyung?” he had no clue, not at all. if he was here, then what about taekwoon? didn’t he get married the week before? was he making jaehwan as his ‘friend whom i can sleep with’?

hakyeon then explained everything to him, carefully, afraid he would say anything stupid and it was new for him because he had always been so careless in talking to him. it was beyond jaehwan’s expectation. he never expected taekwoon to cheat, and hakyeon to even cancel the marriage.

“why?” was the only question jaehwan could make out after his explanation. he had his hand on hakyeon’s cheek, patting softly. he guessed that he could do it without feeling bad anymore. he was afraid that hakyeon would get very sad about it, but he didn’t even see any sadness in his eyes.

“i realise that i... have someone else that loves me more than anything in this world.”

jaehwan had never felt as happy as he was, at that time. he smiled so wide, very wide and it was so nice to feel like it after weeks only feeling so sad. he got up from his laying position and leaned closed to hakyeon, connecting their lips together. it felt so right now, he could feel his heart about to explode in a moment. and hakyeon was glad that finally, finally he got to have jaehwan again in his life.

“i do love you more than anything.” jaehwan said as he giggled, taking hakyeon’s hand and kissed it. “so does that mean we’re dating now?”

“aren’t we getting married?” and both of them were laughing at that. “you know, everyone thought i was going to marry you.”

“wow, really?” it was funny, how jaehwan turned to be so surprised.

“yeah, do we have to make their hopes down?”

“what if i decide to cheat on you?” and jaehwan got hit by him. hakyeon knew better than to actually expect that it was going to happen.

“psh, you wouldn’t dare.” he smiled, “it’s too fast for us to marry anyway. let’s just stay like this, you know, for a while.”

“so, should i tell my mother we cancelled the marriage?” another hit. “ow, that hurts!” jaehwan honestly missed his playful beat ups and wide grin. he should tell hakyeon how beautiul he was, later on.

“you should tell her we postponed it instead. till, i dont know, next year?”

he imagined his parents going to be so dissapointed about it, but nodded anyways. “that’s a good idea.”  but now that he was finally happy and he felt like he had accomplished his life, he decided to come visit his family and show them hakyeon. he was sure hakyeon wouldn’t mind about visiting, he guessed that hakyeon wouldn’t also mind about begging that they should’nt postpone their ‘marriage’. but at another thought, he hoped his family would let them choose what’s the best for them. he couldn’t wait to tell hongbin about it, maybe yell at him first before telling the good news because of how he lied and he didn’t tell jaehwan anything about hakyeon’s visit, but he was also thankful for hongbin to help. maybe without him, jaehwan and hakyeon wouldn’t feel as happy as they were, together.

“and yes, we’re dating now.” hakyeon finally answered him, moved closer to jaehwan once again but to only press their cheeks together. he loved the feeling. he would never, ever let anything get in between them anymore. jaehwan had become so important to him and he was glad that he got to feel so close to him. they were comfortable like that, also happy, and hakyeon knew both of them would make it last forever.