Loud roars of the crowd filled my ears as we stepped out of the backstage for the closing act of the SMTown concert. I eyed the crowd, seeing happy, wild and crazed fans waving and screaming as their favorite idols comes into view.

"Taeyeon! Taeyeon! TAEYEON!!!" I heard them scream my name as I pass by.

I did the natural thing. I regarded them with a wave, a smile and some heart gestures, meeting their awe-struck gazes in the process; Fan service. Some people say it's fake, yes. For me, it's not really fake all the time. There are genuine times like right now but there's also times when we're forced to do it just because we're idols. We have to smile like we're the human manifestation of rainbows no matter how bad our mood is or how over-fatigued we are.

But there's another form of fan service.

One that makes me confused and hurt like hell.

While I walked across the stage waving at the fans that has pink light sabers in their hands, I felt someone's presence beside me and before I could even turn, a hand suddenly held mine tight, interlacing our fingers that fit perfectly with each other. The crowd went wild at the scene. Howling, cheering and screaming wildly.

"Hey," The owner of the hand greeted with her usual husky voice. Her voice was clear in my ears. No matter how loud the crowd and the sound system was, I would always hear her voice. Always.

"Tiffany." I smiled though I knew it was not something I should be happy with. I turned to meet her gaze and found myself staring at the deep brown orbs that glimmer brightly, reflecting the stars in the universe. She looks beautiful as usual. Her brown locks were permed and she wore a white SMTown shirt like mine but hers was pulled on both sides, exposing her shoulder, she wore a lacy black choker around her neck and black shorts.

She smiled back, her eyes turning into crescents "You see that?" she pointed at the crowd.

I frowned and followed her line of view "Where?"

"That. The fan with a sign board"

I peeled my eyes on the crowd and saw the fan she was pointing at. The fan was holding a sign board that reads, "TaeNy is REAL!♥"

"Oh. I see her" I deflated, the adrenaline rush in my veins died down.

"There's a lot more of them around so how about we let this ship sail by itself, huh? Make the crowd crazy. A little fan service won't hurt" Tiffany said, smiling brightly as if this was the best idea she has in mind.

Little did she know that I was painfully dying inside.

Little did she know that every time she asks my permission for such stuff, a part of me dies and my heart tears a small piece of itself apart and through the years, it's safe to say that I only have a small piece of my heart left for me, faintly beating for me to live and survive.

I stared at her. This girl can't be serious. We've been feeding our shippers ever since I can remember. I understand that it's just a mere fan service. Fans like to ship people, pair them up with each other. Our moments were just a mere fanservice to me back then, to make people happy but as time pass by...

"Okay" I said and gave her hand a little squeeze.

"Great!" She smiled her smile that's indeed brighter than the jewels.

I can't help but fall in love.

And loving her, is the most exquisite form of self destruction.