A/N: second chapter^^ hope you like it

not proofread. Kyuhyun Pov. One or two more chapters to go. 

Enjoy :)

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I was starting to doze off when I heard the main door opening, light steps approaching and the door of my room being pushed open slowly. "He's coming to me" my mind cheered a bit. 

I felt him sit at the side of my bed making me hold my breathe, I spent the few later minutes waiting for his second move but it never came, my eyelids were getting heaver by the second and I was to fall asleep completely when he moved again, awakening all of my senses along with his moves, I felt his warmth creep into my back as he laid next to me, I smiled as I felt his hand searching for mine, squeezing it gently, making me less hesitant as I turned around and looked into his eyes, pulling him closer to me and hugging him tighter, him not protesting made me place a kiss on his -covered with bangs- forehead. 
"It's so cold" he whispered faintly
"I'll keep you warm" I idiotically whispered back.

Hyukjae spending the night in my arms, how ing lucky I am. 

When I opened my eyes again it was already 6am, I didn't want to get up but we both had to, with my fingers gently brushing his bangs away from his forehead I called his name "hyukjae" my voice came out too low so I cleared my throat and called again, his eyes meeting mine as soon as he opened them, I looked at his beautiful features and my gaze fell on his plumb lips, those I have always wanted to kiss, and this time wasn't any different, cause I yet again held myself back and got up walking straight to the shower. 

-"Your concert is in two days, are you ready?" He asked as we were having breakfast.
-"Yeah I think I am, how is work going?" 
-"That's great. Working is going well, I still need a bit of time to perfectly adjust, but compared to my situation before, I'm okay"
His small smile made me smile too before I remembered what I decided to tell him while I was showering minutes ago
-"Hyukjae, there is something I want to.."
-"Oh my I'm running late, let's talk tonight, I gotta go" 

I didn't feel like eating anymore when he closed the door and left, I was about to tell him and maybe ruin things for us both, but he left like that, it's as if he's trying to avoid me telling him what I did, it's like he knows, wait, what if he actually does?

The day went on extra heavy as many thoughts kept storming inside my head and I put extra effort to focus on working ad preparing for the concert. 
"Don't skip your lunch" I received this simple text and felt my heart sink, if not for the fact that I'm worried about hyukjae's reaction on me somewhat helping him get his job, if just not for that, I would've jumped and danced for hours celebrating him caring about me and texting me like that. I'm crazy, I know. 
"You too, see you at home"
I smile to myself as I pressed send.
Regardless of everything it feels like we grew closer and to a foreign eye it might look like we have something going on, or am I being delusional? even if I am it's alright, cause as they say "crazy people are free from any blame". 

I arrived home late that night and didn't find hyukjae there, I wondered where he might be, tried calling him and after several time a stranger's voice replied 
"Hello, the phone owner passed out, he drank too much I tried to stop him but he wouldn't listen"

Holding him on my back as I walked up the stairs wasn't painful and tiring like thinking of the reason he drank that much, it's so not him, and his arms tighten their grip around my neck didn't make me feel okay as I wondered what happened to him this time.
I put his tiny body on the bed and went to take off his shoes to get surprised as he raised himself up to the point where his face was inches away from mine. 
"Kiss me" he said, his voice is barely his
"I said kiss me" he half growled as he grabbed me from my shirt collar 
"Hyukjae, you're drunk"
I could hear him scoff and say "I know I'm ing drunk aren't you going to kiss me"
I finally pulled myself together and looked him straight in the eyes "never when you drunk hyukjae, never"
I pushed him down on bed and left the room to mine locking the door behind me. 

It was morning again and I couldn't get myself any sleep, so I prepared for the drunk man a hangover soup and left extra early with the thoughts of telling him thrown to the back of my mind.

I love Hyukjae, I have said that way too many times, though not to him. but although I loved him, sometimes, it was too hard for me to handle, way too complicated for me to understand and it felt like I should erase that love and look away, search for another reason to live, other than a man who didn't know he had my heart with it's beats, but I was never able to do it. 
When Junsu found out he told me this and I still remember it word to word: 
"Listen up, Kyuhyun, one sided love is so painful, but loving hyukjae is even extra painful, he's the kind of person who would give you the poison and the medicine at the same time without even realizing it, my friend is someone who's too precious, very very precious that it sometimes get hard to keep him, try to step out before it's too late, this is my only advice to you" 
Your advice came too late Junsu, cause it was already too late. 

I fetched the keys out of my pocket to notice that the door was already opened, I pushed it and called Hyukjae
"Kitchen" he replied as I started to notice the lovely aroma 'Is he cooking for me?' my mind whispered. 
"Come I made you dinner" Hyukjae answered 

Two plates of mushroom cream pasta were placed on the table, a bottle of white wine and two blue candles were lit. 
"Romantic dinner" I whispered to myself but it reached his ears
"You can say it's that" he said giving me one of his killer gummy smiles and I , once again, smiled back. 

-"I was upset when I found out" he suddenly said, making the bite I took freeze inside my throat and block my breathing for a second before I made it melt and go down with a sip from the whine glass.
-"I was really upset that I didn't want to talk to you, but after few drinks I realized that I couldn't do that"
I was about to open my mouth when he placed his finger on my lips shushing me. 
 

-"I wanted to scream and yell at you for what you did but I don't know why I couldn't, when I was on my way home I thought of several scenarios of how I'll confront you, but each one ending with me hugging you, crying on your shoulder or thanking you"
A single tear ran down his cheek and I reached with my thumb to wipe its traces as I listened to every syllable he uttered 
 

-"Kyuhyun, do you have any idea what you have done to me? Do you?" He asked and I didn't know how to answer 
-"you saved me, kyu, without you I would've been dead, and without you I would've been the old weak me, if it was someone else, a person who showed me nothing but pity I might've been able to get angry, but you idiot I'm unable to even get angry at you" 
 

I didn't know how my body moved but I was already standing next to Hyukjae's chair, pulling him up into my arms, holding him tighter and tighter as we both let out stupid sobs, the feeling of his hands gripping on my shirt tighter made me hug him closer, and at that moment I wanted to confess, I was just parts of a second away from saying the three words I have kept inside of me since a long time when he said 
"You're the best brother I could ever have"
 

here it came, the pain of another arrow shooting me in the middle of my heart.
I don't want to be your brother, Hyukjae.  
I pulled away from the hug immediately, went to clean the table, then washed the dishes, to my room slamming the door closed.

            _________________

"Kyuhyun, get up" he knocked the door
I flipped to the side and glanced at the clock on the bedside... 7:30 am.
today is the concert day.

He was still showering when I left the house after placing his ticket to my concert on the kitchen table. 

He must come, he have to, I said to myself as I ran down the stairs.