Chapter 1: Only error I can point out is the change in person, for example you write 'She does this', but then you aslso write 'you do this', stick either 'she' or 'you', using both makes it both jarring and grammatically incorrect. Other than that, it was great. The pacing was good and I loved how much attention to paid to the smaller intimate details like the foreheads
touching and the out of breath murmurs and the nails raking. Not bad for a first time, definitely nothing to be embarrassed about when there are so much more worse stuff floating around from apparently 'good' authors.
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