ㅤ¿ㅤTHESE ARE JUNWI'S WORDS
junwi has something to say
tl;dr papa frog realises after 3 years that his babies are growing up and has something to say.
also no he isn't dying just very oddly sentimental
also no he isn't dying just very oddly sentimental
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read this when ngsy becomes famous.
okiwnuj.private
. . .
okiwnuj.private me after writing all these letters, lmao. goodnight all.
2 days ago
okiwnuj.private
. . .
okiwnuj.private hey, kid. as of now it's only been a little more than a year since you've joined our band, and i still can't seem to stop treating you like a newbie. i know you hate it when i keep treating you like a dumb intern: there was this one time i left the studio for the washroom and you told ryland you wished i saw you for who you were... it broke me a little that day.
kid, how are you always this upbeat and cheerful? teach me how to smile everyday without having to force myself to. you're always grinning even when i demand for you to stay behind and work on chords with me, your expressions still bright and alert as you tell me how wooseok thought the melody was great, and that we'll make it big with this song. how... do you do that? i stare at the music sheets all day and there's always something - someone - telling me it's not good enough. maybe you're still young and haven't seen the world enough to tell a crook from a decent man, let alone a missing beat in the rhythm.
i'm sorry for dragging you into this mess, pushing you into the spotlight at the very moment when the band's caught up in yongwon's issues and there were nothing but curses written about us in the news. it was dark on the stage and i don't know if they realised there was a new girl at the synthesizer, trying to prove to them that the band was capable of moving forward after all the mess. was i too harsh on you all along? that day, i felt like i corrupted you a little. i did nothing but watch you weep in ryland's shoulder when the crowds were silent on your first performance - i didn't know what to say.
sorry, kid. i'll do better for us.
kid, how are you always this upbeat and cheerful? teach me how to smile everyday without having to force myself to. you're always grinning even when i demand for you to stay behind and work on chords with me, your expressions still bright and alert as you tell me how wooseok thought the melody was great, and that we'll make it big with this song. how... do you do that? i stare at the music sheets all day and there's always something - someone - telling me it's not good enough. maybe you're still young and haven't seen the world enough to tell a crook from a decent man, let alone a missing beat in the rhythm.
i'm sorry for dragging you into this mess, pushing you into the spotlight at the very moment when the band's caught up in yongwon's issues and there were nothing but curses written about us in the news. it was dark on the stage and i don't know if they realised there was a new girl at the synthesizer, trying to prove to them that the band was capable of moving forward after all the mess. was i too harsh on you all along? that day, i felt like i corrupted you a little. i did nothing but watch you weep in ryland's shoulder when the crowds were silent on your first performance - i didn't know what to say.
sorry, kid. i'll do better for us.
2 days ago
okiwnuj.private
. . .
okiwnuj.private sometimes i think i hate you, other times i just... don't know. there's something about your rigid jaw when you speak to me that's unsettling, i don't even know - or want to know - what you think of me.
well, your wish is granted. we're famous as now. does this make you respect me now?
anyways, i just want to say thanks. that's all.
well, your wish is granted. we're famous as now. does this make you respect me now?
anyways, i just want to say thanks. that's all.
2 days ago
okiwnuj.private
. . .
okiwnuj.private we made it big. i'm watching all of you from the backstage room, taehyun's relaxed shoulders and sook's wide grin. then there's you, ahn kyungjoon, barely moving an inch away from your microphone, stiffened into a sort of a statue in front of thousands of screams.
what's up with you?
we celebrate all the special occasions in our apartment, drinks out and silly games going on. then there's you, possibly the human representation of all the sickening reality we're trying to avoid. sometimes you're too loud, hands all over sook and binna and chaekyung like they're the girls you always hook up with. then, when we're alone, just you and i, you're barely even responding.
hey, hands off my binna. but that's not my main point. i don't know what you think of me, maybe i'm just a business link that you deal with everyday? perhaps that should be all it is to our relationship - a boss and an employee - but everyone else makes clear that they're here for their passion, ngsy is their family, yadda. maybe i'm just not used to what we really should be.
what's up with you?
we celebrate all the special occasions in our apartment, drinks out and silly games going on. then there's you, possibly the human representation of all the sickening reality we're trying to avoid. sometimes you're too loud, hands all over sook and binna and chaekyung like they're the girls you always hook up with. then, when we're alone, just you and i, you're barely even responding.
hey, hands off my binna. but that's not my main point. i don't know what you think of me, maybe i'm just a business link that you deal with everyday? perhaps that should be all it is to our relationship - a boss and an employee - but everyone else makes clear that they're here for their passion, ngsy is their family, yadda. maybe i'm just not used to what we really should be.
2 days ago
okiwnuj.private
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okiwnuj.private i'm still your person.
2 days ago
okiwnuj.private
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okiwnuj.private i feel like you'd refuse to even read this message unless i promise you a new apartment and a shiny new mercedes (please tell me i'm right) but i'll say what i want to, anyway.
if the band is ever out of a job, you should consider becoming a broker for prison inmates and teach them the tricks to escape their cell. you'd probably put your skills to good use. hell, i thought placing sixteen locks with different keys on the studio doors would be a good enough deterrent to keep you with us - how the hell do you still get away?
too bad, though. a lot of fans know how you look like now. even if you threaten to get surgery done on your ugly face (i'll approve it) you'd probably be discovered sooner or later. i guess you're stuck with me! good thing or not, i don't know.
you're definitely the troublemaking child under my wing. that's the best compliment you're getting.
thanks.
if the band is ever out of a job, you should consider becoming a broker for prison inmates and teach them the tricks to escape their cell. you'd probably put your skills to good use. hell, i thought placing sixteen locks with different keys on the studio doors would be a good enough deterrent to keep you with us - how the hell do you still get away?
too bad, though. a lot of fans know how you look like now. even if you threaten to get surgery done on your ugly face (i'll approve it) you'd probably be discovered sooner or later. i guess you're stuck with me! good thing or not, i don't know.
you're definitely the troublemaking child under my wing. that's the best compliment you're getting.
thanks.
2 days ago
okiwnuj.private
. . .
okiwnuj.private i guess i understand.
, i'll be lying if i said i don't notice your absence every day. the chords are in a mess, they sorely lack the backbone of a good drumbeat, and i can't find replacements good enough to qualify. we were so, so good together, pretty boy. you knew exactly which note was out of place when i'd frustrated over it for two whole hours, made your own songs and offered to put them on the tracklist when we were short of tunes. how am i supposed to find someone as good as that in such a short time?
i guess i was pissed when i found you tangled with binna in bed. i shouldn't have. i never thought i was capable to care for her - why should i be selfish and keep her for myself? of all the darned boys she hooked up with it had to be you, and i wished i knew better. hindsight is always 20/20, huh?
it's much easier to admit my own faults when you're not physically here. i need you back.
, i'll be lying if i said i don't notice your absence every day. the chords are in a mess, they sorely lack the backbone of a good drumbeat, and i can't find replacements good enough to qualify. we were so, so good together, pretty boy. you knew exactly which note was out of place when i'd frustrated over it for two whole hours, made your own songs and offered to put them on the tracklist when we were short of tunes. how am i supposed to find someone as good as that in such a short time?
i guess i was pissed when i found you tangled with binna in bed. i shouldn't have. i never thought i was capable to care for her - why should i be selfish and keep her for myself? of all the darned boys she hooked up with it had to be you, and i wished i knew better. hindsight is always 20/20, huh?
it's much easier to admit my own faults when you're not physically here. i need you back.
2 days ago
okiwnuj.private
. . .
okiwnuj.private seon chaekyung. remember this? it was ngsy's premiere and our first press conference and i wanted to show the world how much we love each other we grew close while investing in this project. you shamed me in front of the world and i was so mad at you for that.
sigh. but the Big Man has a way when it comes to dealing with my life, and i can't tell you all of this outright because (i) you might slaughter me; (ii) you might leave me with this bunch of kids and never come back. i just want to say thank you, not just for what you've done to save this band from the very beginning, but also sticking it through with me, us. just... thank you, i guess.
i remember that time when you got dead drunk. it scared me a little, because you always boasted about your high tolerance and proved to all of us that you could down six bottles of soju if you pleased. but you were lying there, blubbering like a skunk, and i dragged you into my room because i didn't want the kids to see you like this, to lose all respect for you like they did me. you told me about your parents, how denying them had led you onto this path, the new refuge you sought while your own home was nothing but an apartment you returned to every day. that somehow, our paths crossed and you stumbled your way here, into ngsy. i'm sorry for not helping you achieve your dream. now that i think of it, assigning you the manager role was like a consolation prize that provided no comfort, a glass mug as opposed to the grand golden trophy cup. it was a whim of the moment and i just felt you had better use elsewhere...
what am i saying, you probably won't ever see this anyway. but if you somehow do, just know that i'm sorry... and thank you.
sigh. but the Big Man has a way when it comes to dealing with my life, and i can't tell you all of this outright because (i) you might slaughter me; (ii) you might leave me with this bunch of kids and never come back. i just want to say thank you, not just for what you've done to save this band from the very beginning, but also sticking it through with me, us. just... thank you, i guess.
i remember that time when you got dead drunk. it scared me a little, because you always boasted about your high tolerance and proved to all of us that you could down six bottles of soju if you pleased. but you were lying there, blubbering like a skunk, and i dragged you into my room because i didn't want the kids to see you like this, to lose all respect for you like they did me. you told me about your parents, how denying them had led you onto this path, the new refuge you sought while your own home was nothing but an apartment you returned to every day. that somehow, our paths crossed and you stumbled your way here, into ngsy. i'm sorry for not helping you achieve your dream. now that i think of it, assigning you the manager role was like a consolation prize that provided no comfort, a glass mug as opposed to the grand golden trophy cup. it was a whim of the moment and i just felt you had better use elsewhere...
what am i saying, you probably won't ever see this anyway. but if you somehow do, just know that i'm sorry... and thank you.
2 days ago
okiwnuj.private
. . .
okiwnuj.private hey. i don't know what to say. you're still locked up right now so you'd never see this, but i guess it's an opportunity to get everything off my chest.
on a usual day i would have told you to show a bit more respect to kyungjun, to treat him as an elder rather than someone you could step over. but i don't really have the energy to do all of that anymore - is this what they mean when they say someone is too tired to care? i'm probably numb to all of it now, the news articles of the incident that still float around every time the band tries to venture into something new, the investors that turn us down because of our scarred image.
sometimes i look at kyungjun and that scar on his cheek, how he still limps a little when he's made to run an errand for ryland. that scar's faded by now, and i'm most likely only imagining its presence, but it hurts, yongwon. it hurts that you tried to rip the band - us - apart. why would you ever do that?
just... why?
on a usual day i would have told you to show a bit more respect to kyungjun, to treat him as an elder rather than someone you could step over. but i don't really have the energy to do all of that anymore - is this what they mean when they say someone is too tired to care? i'm probably numb to all of it now, the news articles of the incident that still float around every time the band tries to venture into something new, the investors that turn us down because of our scarred image.
sometimes i look at kyungjun and that scar on his cheek, how he still limps a little when he's made to run an errand for ryland. that scar's faded by now, and i'm most likely only imagining its presence, but it hurts, yongwon. it hurts that you tried to rip the band - us - apart. why would you ever do that?
just... why?
2 days ago
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