My gripe on interaction being confused for validation

I have been struggling the most on proving to close non-avid reader and non-writer friends that I don't really seek validation here. Personally, validation from someone that only read my works here... is not as valuable as someone I met or talk to about writing. I could use some validation in general but I don't look for that here. It's a bit inefficient, given how it would be fundamentally more enlightening and heartfelt to me if it is from someone I know, knows me. But I do love hearing people react to what I wrote. Any reaction is hilarious to me, I love it. I wouldn't call that validation, especcially if I don't really mind it if it is negatively laced, just not rude and disrespectful.

Solely because it takes more out of me to share what I write than really... write. 

Writing revitalizes me, it's that thing I do to feel better. Simple, short, long, or complicated, I just write. But sharing it to me has a price. And that price is: it makes my written stories less personal. Especially since writing is so intertwined with how I live my life. This makes me attached to writing more than sharing, something I even call work. Something personal to me, I call work? No. I call writing what it is, writing. I call sharing my written stories, work because that's a lot more impersonal to me.

That only means two things, really.

1. Sharing is impersonal; making me want and need to get something back. It isn't something I intrinsically enjoy. I need to get something from it to keep doing it.

2. Sharing being impersonal also means anything said to my shared work, good or bad, won't be taken personally. It may sound or look like I took it personally, but most of the time what I get hurt by is... well, the common writter woe of little to no interaction.

So really, I don't mind getting any comment. It can be a bit confrontationally charged or outright a complain and I'd still be thankful. But I also won't really... force any silent reader to comment, it is a rejectable invitation. I was a silent reader before, so I get it.

Definite Lines

But, I am a lot less tolerant to comments of just criticism. This is mainly because I do not seek validation here so I do not seek advice either. Not from the open audience at least. I think it's my belief of, no one really accepts, listens, and registers unprecedented advise well specifically because they did not ask for it. Wanting to be better is a choice anyone would take on their own volition any time, because that's when it works best.
 

I wish I knew it when I was younger, I admit I had a time of blind obedience because I was just too immature. I didn't want the blame on me, so I didn't process anything I learn or get told to do. Exactly because if I didn't, I thought I wouldn't be blamed. Like if someone tells me, "Why did you do that??" I can always just redirect blame and say "Because he told me."

I had to learn the hard way to get this mindset out of my brain memory and muscle memory. But honestly because I didn't want to be blamed for anything, all I did was never stand up for myself and have my own voice. I was not assertive to get the upperhand when things go awry. Pretty ugly mindset, but hey. That's what makes deciding for yourself to be better, a lot more worth it and... a lot more effective.  Stripping myself away from that mindset also made me find the value in setting boundaries and establishing it. It's more so self-respect than intolerance to me. That's why it hurts so much more when I get judged for being "close-minded" and "intolerant" because I respect myself too.

TL;DR

Basically, the writter woe of writing something personal and then taking the extra step to actually share it only for no one to really say anything back has that harrowing feeling of... awkward silence during the height of a performance. Making me, a writer, not wanna share no more. Especially because I pay a price of making my personal written story feel less personal to me because I share it to an open audience. Complaining about this to people who don't really experience it also makes it seem I want validation when half the time, I just want someone to scream about my interests with me. I used to be a silent reader, unaware of how any comment would have an effect on someone, which goes along with the unattached vibe I have to my shared works. So I am not too pissed or emotionally charged from the lackthereof or any comment. I also mention why I, and probably others too, would not receive unprecedented crtitique all too well (though we may not show it). With a short personal testimony of growing out of immaturity so I can establish myself and practice boundaries, I distinct self-respect from intolerance.

I only really mentioned this writer woe because, well, it's okay to have it. It's okay to stop because of it. But never make it the reason you, as a person, is any less or will never be anything more.