Heart break rant

(Turn on CC in the video above for eng sub)

The way Minah is in this MV is me everyday because of him . He treats me so nicely even though he cheated on me . He's my first love . I try to let him go but I just miss him so damn much . I see him flirting with other girls in my face but I just can't bring myself to hate him . I'm pathetic....ik

Everyday, I think of him and my tears just fall and I can't help it . I'm tired of crying, tired of hurting yet I can't let him go . Holding on hurts but letting go also hurts....

Every time I think of him, I see us - the memories we shared, the sweet nothings he would whisper to me at random times, the good morning/night texts, and the way he cheated and flirts with other girls . Then, I cry, silently to myself, shutting the world out and crying for a guy who wouldn't care how much I'm hurting . When I'm out in public, I smile everything off, not letting others know of my pain but when I'm alone, that's when my mask starts to crumble .

He made my mask crumble the first time and made me fall in love with him, then he leaves me . I'm putting up my mask again but it always seems to crumble when I see him .

Every little thing I own, somehow still has his scent lingering on it . Everytime I hear my name, I'm hoping it was him who called me . Every time him and I would make eye-contact, I constantly catch myself hoping that he would come to me and hug me and apologize and ask me to take him back . I have expectations for him despite knowing I will be let down again .

I sometimes have these thoughts like "if I was prettier, would he look at me?" or "if I was skinnier, would he at least take a second glance at me?" or even "if I acted like I didn't know he cheated on me, would we still be together?" That's how much I love him, I would act as if I didn't know he was cheating on me . How a person would stoop so low as to feigning innocence for the person they love....

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Boice_Fanfics #1
I've never been in a relationship before, so I can't fully understand how you feel, but I can somewhat relate to your situation. Two years of friendship with the most amazing people I've ever met went down the drain in just a couple of months. There were tons of memories and inside jokes that we shared, and the endless laughter whenever we're together. The people who look at us weirdly when they don't understand our conversations only brought us tighter together.
However, all that has come to nothing, and when it did, I always asked myself how it happened. I began to contemplate and wonder why they didn't want it anymore. I cried and cried whenever I thought about the memories and the good times compared to how things are now. I also kept asking myself how I could change to make things go back to the way they were, but I realized that I can't change things. I can't keep dwelling on the past, and I can't keep wishing that everything was the way it was because time will keep ticking no matter how much you want it to stop.
But the benefit of that is you can take as much time as you want to heal. My pain may not have been as intense as yours, but as you stop dwelling on the past and what could have been, you'll never know what the future can hold right in front of you. Maybe you'll never stop forgetting, but one day, you'll be able to look back and shrug your shoulder while you're with someone else who will never have anyone else but you. Keep smiling and try your hardest.
SHINeegirl989 #2
o gosh i'm dead T^T

i'm so sorry for you :(
i know how you feel :(
my ex said he never actually loved me he just went along with me liking him.... so
*hugs*
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