three years with bap and still forever baping
ㅂEST ㅇBSOLUTE ㅍERFECT

nobody stop me, i'm having an emotional moment.

three years, wow it's already been three years since bap first debuted. how fast time flies. i can nearly swear it was just yesterday that i was at the ski resort to wish my brother farewell for his military term, watching bap through my ipod because i didn't have a smartphone back then. but it's already been three years since then. bap's had at least a thousand comebacks and concerts and just stages in general.

there was a lot of ups and downs this year. there was finally that break that we all know they deserve. but then that good news turned out to not be so great after all.

it still depresses me that they're still in the middle of this lawsuit during such a happy point in their career. third year since debut. what they should be doing right now is being applauded at their company, surrounded by sweet smiles and welcoming arms. with cakes and letters from fans. their company boss clapping proudly and wishing them another wonderful year of music. 

i both have a lot and not much to say this year. i'm just really emotional right now.

they've worked hard, working day and night, flying here and there to practically all corners of the world to entertain us fans and try and get a little bit closer to the stardom they've dreamed of while pursuing their debut. they're all amazingly talented boys with the sweetest of hearts and smiles. i still can't believe that they've managed to smile and laugh through all the stress and pain they've been put under. i wouldn't have been able to do it, that's for sure. imagine it, the pain they went through, having ivs shoved into their veins pumping them of artificial strength that'll only last for the duration of a stage before draining and leaving them just an overworked shell again. and to think that the company even forced them out of the er to perform while being told they're in critical state.

excuse me while i just - #JUSTICEFORBAP #JUSTICEFORBAP #JUSTICEFORBAP

through all those smiles and laughs, i've always thought that bap had everything they'd wanted. that's what their smiles told me. that, yes, they were tired, who wouldn't be, flying here and there and filming in between break times, but it looked so genuinely happy. and though it wasn't mandatory, they posted selcas and tweeted for us. to reassure us that they were alright. they didn't need to do that. they don't have to tweet, it's not a part of their job descriptions. their job description states that they sing and dance. but they did more than that. they gave a lot of us hope and life. i daresay that they saved a number of lives as well, whether they know it or not. they did mine.

i'm not going to go into details about the lawsuit here.

this is supposed to be a happy blog post about their third year - it's already plenty depressing and i just want to erase everything and start over. 

i really miss them, don't you? 

but these days, somehow, it feels like they're closer to us than ever. they're far away, so far far that we can't ever hope to know what they're doing or what they're going to do next, but somehow, it feels like they're friends just next door, away on a vacation sending messages every once in a while informing us that they're still alive and that they still miss us. and this sometimes scares me. i have never heard of a celebrity figure working the sns so diligently while in the middle of a lawsuit. i've been told that this can be harmful to their lawsuit progress; but they're doing this anyways. because they love us.

i honestly don't know any worse fan babos than bap. no one dare disagree because i'm a very emotional baby right now and will bite. i'm pretty sure everyone of our fandom can pretty much say the same.

last year, when i said "i feel hurt, pain, suffering, love, anxiety and a hundred thousand more feelings i can't all describe in words." this year, i feel everything amplified to a thousand levels. if last year i realized that i didn't absolutely need them, this year i realized that it doesn't matter if i don't need them, because they've already made themselves a nest in my heart. i can't get rid of them even if i wanted to. a part of me is just bap. like it or not. 

this year, i've spoke to my parents often about the boys. i don't usually do this because oh god my parents are the worst when it comes down to me talking about idols. they hate it so much. but i talked about it far too many times that they've simply just decided it's a susan thing. if in the three years past, i've come to hide the fact that i was a baby to the public in fear of being embarrassed or judged, this year being a baby was what described my being both online and offline. everyone knows i'm a stupid obsessed fan of bap now. i'm proud of bap. of everything they've did. and i'm sorry i didn't recognize it before.

looking back, i didn't do a lot of anything this year. it turns out a lot of my inspiration comes directly from bap and with a great lack of them in my life, i just don't seem to be up to doing anything at all. just like how cars run on fuel, i run on bap. a car doesn't have to run, so it doesn't absolutely need fuel. i don't need bap to live, but i do need them to function properly it seems.

i'm going to end this here, before i start ranting on for life. i'm just so emotional.

i miss bap so much. but i don't want them to overwork themselves anymore. i don't care if won't be able to see them anymore. after all, i don't need them in my life to live. i just want them happy, doing what they want and making the music they want without the worry of fainting. i want them to worry more about themselves than they do of us fans. we can take care of ourselves, we're strong. they've held our hands and supported us until now. it's our turn to do the same for them.

you can count on us babys so rest up. rest up and come back to us stronger than ever.

don't feel like you have to anything. we love you the way you are. we're grateful for everything you've done so far and nothing can stray us away.

but most of all. be happy.

lets make a splash. make them all regret the day that they underestimated us and took advantage of us.

the king will be back. everybody bow.

i love you bap. 

first for your musical drive

and now for the sweet kindness of your hearts

you've had me at go and i'll follow you to the end

wherever that may be.

BAP DEBUTED ON 120126. YOUR EVERYTHING IS INVALID. OT6. YOU CAN'T BREAK US. WE'RE UNBREAKABLE.