Im sorry if i rant on this too long but i think i want to share..
This tragic friendship story start when my 'ex' friend let me call her S suddenly turn table towards me.
Me and S wasnt as close as bff but we were quite close since we used to walk home together  during highschool.

Then,F come into the picture..he was my old classmates during middle school.He IM me on facebook and since that we get to know each other more. I cant say that i liked him that time, but I can feel the spark between us..Still clear in my mind, after school end that day, it had rained heavily so most of the students that walk to school need to wait for the rain to stop. Me, S and a few other friends gather at the canteen. I seat beside N .After a while, suddenly N's boyfriend which is F' s best buddy came to our table and for sure since they are glued together, F was coming with him too.He took a place beside me and start his weird teasing to annoys me.

Later then, when the rain stop, me and S walk home..she suddenly ask me what relationship F and I were in.She said the way he tease me was sweet and cute and bla bla bla..I said we were just friend..( since F doesnt confess a thing.). Its kind  a weird of her to ask things like that..Then she tease me and said me and F would make a sweet pairing.

A moment pass when I suddenly heard a news that S had a crush on a boy from 4A(F's class)..since that I kinda have some uneasy feelings so I ask her.. strangely she keep avoiding my question..She said I would go big mouthing the news if i acknowledge the person..To my defeat,she said she will tell me when they have an official relationship..Ironicly, almost half of 96' line in our school knew who her crush is and most suprisingly ,I was told by N that S , herself told everyone that she was falling for her crush ..i was like yeah what the hell ..

Meanwhile, after 2 months chatting and warming up together , me and F had accidently have to take part on an event..During the event ,F keep tailing me whereever I go, he and his weird teasing behaviour had made people to ship us .. and I, that time cant help but to like him a bit more.when the event ended,Teacher send us back to school and I waited for S to finish mid term exam.On our way back home, she suddenly whine why the teachers doesnt choose her too for the event ..she wanted to go since her crush was on the dancing team.I was taken aback , because there is only 2 boy from 4A who joins the dancing team which is N's boyfriend and F. So it was clear that S's crush is F! 

     Me : So. you have crush on F?why dont you tell me earlier..

she look at me and smile sheepishly..

     S: yyyeah.. Im sorry Anna, Im afraid if I told you earlier you would get mad.

My heart breaks a little but I kept it secret.

    Me: No..why would I.. you know me and him were quite close..do you want me to help?

 her eyes brighthen.. 

    S : yeah sure.. If you can.

     Me : I will try to ask at first..but how about your boyfriend..?who do you want actually?

    S: I will keep him but I want F too..

i was dumbfounded by her daring answer so i just..okay yeah whatever.

 Few days after that, when Im on my facebook.. F IM me again and that night he is getting serious.He ask me wether I like him or not since N told him that I like him.I try to play jokes at the same time quite angry for the girls ..why does they play cupid while they know S liked him..He then confesses . he said he had a crush on me since a while ago and after hearing N wild gossips, he gained confident to confess.Im confused that time..so I said i did feel the same way but S like him too..Ive tried to help S.I swear to you guys what I wrote here was 100% true.. But then F said he know about that even before I told him..and yet he still likes me.. I said..if you want to have a relationship with me..you have to make things clear to S..because only god know how confident she was that time, almost all of her friend said that F have a crush towards her too..F reluctant to do that because S was his old classmates too, he said that he was afraid to broke a heart.. I dont know what else to say so I just answer that he need to choose I dont mind backing off..no hard feelings from me.. He insist on saying he likes me.. 

 F said that he will come clear to her later.. and I just okay with that..still not officia,me and F have our relationship discreetly..things get complicated when S excitedly told me that F asked her wether she already have a lunch..she said F was being caring towards her.. and I cant help but to get emo abt that..Yeah you know he kinda piss me off..Like pulling and push games..So I make a status on facebook saying " huh you said you like me and you just dont dare to break her heart yet you were so caring about her..I will help you choose..just choose her.. Im backing off this triangle."..sincerely, I posted this status not because I want his attention or im an Attention seeker..i do that to release my anger.And I know that F could not get online because he was grounded for a week.

Unfortunately, he was online that evening and commented an official statement on my status saying " But I want you". his daring statement had cause a wild gossips among 96 line .When I was arrived to school the next day, a few of friends had surrounded me and urge me to accept him. A friend called E had ask me why I doesnt accept him.. 

our conversation :

E : Anna! he is such a sweet boy, why are you rejecting him?

me: I cant, a friend of mine have a crush on him.

E: friend? who? is she S?

my tongue tied and i was suprised since i kept that a secret.

 me : hh-how did you know?

E: ohh so its S bla bla bla

I cant hear what she was saying then E left to he seat at the back..

That evening when Im about to go home, I saw S and I wave her to wait for me..to my suprised she gave me a dead glare then head off with her girls.I dont get how the situation is. Later , while im resting at home , E texted me asking me to check my twitter..only to see how bad S had tweet about me..She tweeted that " good Anna is a bigmouther, why dont she tell the headmaster too" " Anna the damn loser " " Anna the bigmouther" " silly Anna " and lot other hurtfull words, I cant accept the sudden attack and texted S, to make things clear.Since I dont even know what is my fault.She didnt reply.

And since that day, I heard she had been bad mouthing about me with her girls.Unfortunate for me, most of her girls was in the same class as me.I found out she was mad because she thought I told E that she have feelings for F to make things worse, after talking to me that day, E had gossips this thing with one of S's bestfriend.like I mention earlier, its S,she, herself proclaim to almost half of our fellow 96 line that he likes F. I swear I didnt lie about this.Her madness rises when F proposed me.. 

I already told F this thing wont get mess if he come clear earlier. I ask him to be with S.So atleast, she will forgive me maybe, maybe..

.but F insist.. he was so stubborn that time..he said love cant be force..i still remember he said.." I want you Anna, not her" ..I admit.. my feelings for F didnt fade.After listening to my bestfriends's advise , I accepted F.. 

After our official relationship status spreaded, again , S had bash me on her twitter..  I cant even open my twitter, afraid to read her harsh words.All of her friends had segregated me and treated me coldly.. They keep on bad mouthing and called me backstabber , man snatcher and few more,..I cant even remember it.. too hurtfull.. about 6 months I had to face all of that..

To add my sadness, when I tell F about this.. he say nothing to defend me...yet she even back S up.. I cant get him sometimes.S turn from a friend into a sworn enemy to me..I tried to make things right,yeah but she still with her ego.

Long story shorten,Time passes just like that...and then my sorrow start...

on October 2012 I fall sick..and I thought it wasnt as serious..but then I could not even get up from bed for almost 5 months.

Sadly, I had to skip my whole senior year..I can say Im in the darkest time of my life..

During those 5 months, I barely able to text F.. and we gap away.. The insecure feeling rise in me when I heard that F and S was on the same class for that year..and to add our  gap, I have to move out of town because of my family problems..Damn..

I only get to see him few days a month... and I started to sense his weirdness when he seems cold whenever we meet..I cant get him.. just like seasons..at a moment I was like everything to him..and a moment later he cant even look at me with a smile..

He said he was stressed of his own family problem.. and because that year he was facing the biggest examination..i cant say much..just accepting it..But soon I found out he was following S's twitter out of the blue..we have a fight because of this..

and we fight a lot about her..I dont get him.. Since we in a long distance relationship , he changed, since he and S became classmates he seems like another person to me.. he said they were just friend and its not like I envy S..but how can he be friend with someone who used to have a crush on him..and insulted his girlfriend badly and even make his girlfriend having a mental break.. and yet he claim that he love me.I have forbid him from getting close with her..but he insists on it..and I found that as fishy..

Me and F now, had reach 30 months together with 2 times breakup and 2 times getback..but still I found out 2months ago S name is on F's instagram recent search..he even add her on his wechat during our breakup.. this thing hit me straight to the heart.. the feeling of getiing betrayed.. the feeling of insecure were drowning me..yeah since im just a plain girl raised in an average family.. while S was quite a queenka and diva back then in school.. she now at the age of 18 drives a ford fiesta to college. while im here working to earn money..F took engineering course in his college.. well S studying the same course in her college while I ... sigh.. have nothing..

I dont know what to feel what to react and what to do.. F say he love me.. but yeah still I found S in his following list on Twitter and Instagram. On their ex classmates group wechat.. their friend had post a throwback video recorderd during school back then... showing F sitting at the same table with S .. with few friends around them..what makes me break into pieces is I can clearly see F is holding S's bottle and he was smiling, staring intensely at S..while S is talking cheerfully about something ( I cant hear them ) and they were laughing happily...idk maybe to few people it wasnt a big deal..but it kills me..and that same year I was hospitalized 3 times.. but F had never even once pay me a visit.. giving that he had no transport as an excuse..but yeah he still have the feeling to laugh and cheer with S who he claim he had no feelings for while Im facing hardness  to even breath.

and now...

S  still dont want to befriend with me and I dont know why.. and F still with his season attitude..confusing and killing me at the same time... sorry guys for a superrrrr crappy rant..just sharing a piece of tragedy on my life abt losing a friend and losing a heart.. feel free to leave a comment :*:*:*