Hai guysss. I'm backk. I'm sorry for not updating for so so so long. I was so busy. I'm sorry but I need a place to rant and this is the only place I can think of. Feel free to ignore.

Actually, I'm kinda broken now. I went for a class trip with my classmates. One of the people who went to the trip was my first love. Let's name him Kenny, shall we? Kenny.. he confessed to me on the last day. I didn't accept him or anything because he didn't want anything yet. After the trip, he talks to me and calls me daily. But.. it has been more than a week he last talked to me and called me. He doesn't like me anymore. That's a fact.

On the other hand, I had fallen in love with him again. Yes, I've always had this tiny crush on him. He used to like my best friend and was always with her. My heart felt really jealous but I surpressed it because I knew he wouldn't like me. In the trip, I thought dreams DO come true. But now, I don't think they do come true.

He made me love him again and he just left without a sound. I've had friends asking if he still has feelings for me. His answer was

"I don't know. I'm damn messed up now. I know that it's not the right time to be in a relationship. I don't want to hurt her."

You've hurt me with your actions. Is it so tough to at least tell me your feelings so that I could just move on immediately? I felt so dumb. I have been looking at the pictures we took together during the trip every single day. Thinking back what we did in the trip. Putting myself to sleep by listening to your voice messages over and over again. I even dreamt of him countless times.

I was thinking he might be busy whenever he doesn't talk to me. I've been lying to myself. He wasn't busy. He even went out with his friends. Not even a single hi to me. I'm so dumb. He broke his promises. Every single one of them.

Kenny, I don't think you have any feelings for me. Yet, I'm holding on desperately.

I'm moving on. Yes. I will move on. On the day I leave this country, I'll forget you. Dreams don't come true. Mine gave me hope and broke it badly that it hurts so much. If I could ever erase my memories, I'll choose to erase the entire trip. I don't want to erase him as a friend but I would want to erase his confession. I'm so so so so dumb that I miss him so badly every single second. AS long as he's smiling, I'll smile to hide my feelings then.

Goodbye, lamp post.