you will take that first step towards the edge and you will look out over the edge, at the emptiness in the sky and at the everything you won’t see when you are finished. you will look down, at the height between you and your destination, and for the last time in your life you are positive. maybe you’ll remove you shoes, maybe you won’t. a shaky foot will cross the edge into the empty air in front of you and you will swallow the lump in your throat. the balls of your feet will feel heavier and you will begin to feel regret and rejection seeping from your toes and upwards. and when you take the final step into nothingness you will feel the air rush past you like a storm of knives, piercing into your tired body. your eyes will close and your lips will feel parched and the lump you swallowed earlier will be forced up again and you will feel your limbs move upwards in a final, useless bid for redemption.

and just before the darkness swallows you whole, the last thing you will feel will be regret and the word ‘why’.