Okay, so I really need advice.

Like I REALLY need advice.

So I'm in my sophomore year of high school and I've already gotten dozens of e-mails and letters from colleges around, recruiting me for my choice of major which will be Music Education.

I LOVE music.

Music is my passion, my everything, and my life.

For me, the quote, "When words fail, music speaks," is true.

If you met me in real life, I tend to give off a quiet, calm, and distant aura.

And that's, in a way, who I am.

I enjoy the thrill of "living up" but I enjoy silence.

I find solace in silence.

But I also find solace in music.

The way the violin sounds when I play, the melodies of the piano pieces I can play, and the way the beat moves through my body when I dance makes me love and embrace music forever.

When I started to learn the piano and the violin at age 7, I hated it because it was so hard.

But then after about 4 years of playing, something in me clicked and I started to love it.

I finally got good at playing the piano and the violin. Play music, any type of music, and I'll be able to find the melody and play it on the piano or the violin.

And so far, I've been playing the piano and the violin for 8 years.

I've fallen in and out of love with music but, as of the beginning of this year, I have committed myself to studying music in college.

The only problem that interferes with my ability to focus on music is my parents.

My parents are what you call "strict asian parents."

They want me to become a doctor and make money FOR THEM.

They want me to be financially stable, I understand.

But they don't care about my happiness.

I've told them time and time again that I don't want to go into the medical field and that music is where my heart lies but they refuse to acknowledge my passion for music and are currently forcing me to become a doctor.

And no matter how many times I've tried to tell my mom that I want to major in music, she just waves it away.

She always says, "I can't wait till you become a doctor! Your father and I will be so proud when you become one. We'll finally have enough money to go back to our home country!"

It's not : "I hope you'll become a doctor."

It's: "You're going to become a doctor. Do as I say."

I hate how they ignore my passion and my dream.

I hate, even more, how they ignore my brothers, as if they're not even alive.

They have 3 extremely intelligent sons.

And what do they do with them?

Nothing.

They throw them away as if they're trash.

My brothers are the world to me.

My brothers are my best friends.

My brothers are the most precious people in the world to me.

How on earth could they do that?

They must be inhuman.

And once more, they have a son that is trying to achieve that medical degree but they flat out ignore him.

To be truthful, I hate holding grudges. Even if I've been wronged.

But the fact that my parents don't care about my dreams or about my brothers makes me hate them.

This grudge would probably be the only grudge that I would take to the grave with me.

My parents, in my eyes, are very twisted.

They don't want me to have friends. (My mom even told my brother off when he tried to convince her to let me go out more and told him that I don't need friends and that in this world, you don't need friends. That friends are completely useless)

They don't want me to follow my dreams.

They only want me to study as if nothing else matters (eating, sleeping, practicing the piano and violin, even going to church).

All they care about is money, fame and pride.

And as you can see from all these things that I've observed about them through their actions and words, I do not have a close relationship with either of them.

I'm completely and utterly afraid of my father since he abused me when I was younger.

Every time he enters the room I'm in or every time he's close to me, my mind goes into panic mode and my body tenses. I show no emotion in front of my father except fear.

I'm not as distant with my mother as I am with my father but my mother doesn't know anything about me.

Whenever we talk, it always ends up her lecturing me about college and money.

We've never had a heart-to-heart talk before.

Never.

And even more, what utterly confuses me the most, is that my father is a pastor.

He's a pastor for goodness sake! Should he not be a good Christian instead of being an abusive and demanding father?

And with my brothers, they're all in college and one of them is graduated and heading into the army in order to pay off his college debts.

I really need advice.

I don't know what to do.

I'm completely confused about what to do.

I don't know whether to follow my heart and disobey my parents' wishes.

Or to obey my parents' wishes and become unhappy forever.

I really don't want to do the second option because I made a promise last year that if I follow their wishes, I would commit suicide at age 30.

I don't know what to do.

I'm too afraid.

I'm afraid of my parents.

I've tried to stand up to them multiple times but every time I try, it fails.

I don't know what to do.

Help, please.

I need an answer.

From someone, anyone.