Hey guys,

It's been a while since I wrote an entry on my blog, huh? Yeah...
Some of you where wondering where I've been all this time. It's easy, I was fighting with life itself.

I've been diagnosed with 'atypical depression' three years ago and i've been medicated ever since. Some drugs worked; some didn't. The one I'm on right now seems to be okay so I'm kinda stable right now.

But from time to time life gets to be a personal hell for me. There's no way to explain it, there's no answer. Just the never ending search for the right kind of pill that pulls me back to balance.

I've accepted it so it's not half the hard it was before. But there are still people around me that don't understand. It's not their fault: it's just a really ing hard to explain condition. How do you explain to your boyfriend that deep inside you don't really like youself? That you can't be around people (or living with family) for too long without feeling that you're a nuisance and a dead weight?

So I don't talk about it. I avoid the subject and try to live day by day. It's working so far; I'm still alive.

So... this pas month has been full of both good and ing annoying things.
I've finished my degree last July so I've been job hunting. At the begining of November this company contacted me: the wanted to interview me. So I went and it seemed to go well. They asked me to spend a week at the company so they could assess my skills. And so I spent that week working for them, editing a series of TV Spots for a client of the company. They were happy and so was I.

But then the boss said they had another person to evaluate; okay, fair enough. I waited for a week for them to contact me back. They did, but instead of telling which one they would be hiring they said they wanted to give me professional training in some areas I was not so good at. It was not what I had in mind but hey they were volunteering to teach me: who was I to say 'no'?

But the day I presented myself for said 'training period' the first thing they told me was to do another TV Spot, this time with a  Christmas theme...

Training my . After that day I sent them an e-mail saying I was interested anymore unless they reaaly had a job for me and paid. The answer was a big fat silence. No reply to my e-mail nor calls. They even blocked my number.

So now I'm back home, feeling like , irritated to the point of tears and resorting to hear Linkin Park as loud as I can to muffle the screams I want to let out myself.


On the other hand, the other day I was with a very dear friend of mine and we laughed at talked during dinner about a lot of stuff, among them fanfiction. She knows I write - I don't think she ever read one of my stories though - and she asked me if I was still doing it. I told her I had stopped a while ago, that I didn't feel confident or happy enough to do it. But she encouraged me to do it and so the next day I picked up The Last of the Fallen up and restarted writting it.

It's been keeping me busy so it's good; I try not to think about bad things and writting helps with that.

But days like today will happen again. Some other prick will try to decieve me into working for free or some other . So, although I feel a little better,  I'm still sad.

Either way, I'm back to AFF and that makes you guys happy, right?