I hate being a teenager. No.. it's not that I hate being a teenager it's that I hate being a teenager at my school. My chest feels tight and I just want to stay at home all day on the computer. school. a social life. college. everything.

Why do I feel this way??

Well today I got my results back from this ACT practice test I took too weaks ago. For those who don't know what that is it stands for American College Test. We midwestern people take it to basically get into college. The score was lower than I wanted it be. I took it before a couple of months ago and my score stayed the exact same. Even after going to classes!! My score is not college ready. At this rate I am only community college ready. I know there's still room for improvement. I don't take the real test until February. But sometimes I feel like I'm not smart enough to get the score I want. Sometimes I don't even feel like I'm smart enough for college. Ottoke?!?!

Moving on to problem 2 which is not as depressing but still depressing.

My ex is dating my bestfriend. Before you say "what?? that's against the 'girl code'" I dated him a long time ago for like a month so it doesn't count. I was young and had no idea what relationships were about. (I still don't actually.) But I had a chance to go back with him two years ago. I was too scared and blew it. When I was ready to go out with him last year but I was rejected. I was upset and shedded a tear but I thought I got over him. But when I got the news that they are dating my heart dropped. And the thing that upsets me the most is that my friend is dating him AND this other guy. She's afraid to break up with him because she doesn't want to upset him. Bull!! It hurts and my other friend is all hysterical, telling her what to do but I'm trying to stay cool. If I say too much I might come off as angry or jealous. I'm just a little heartbroken. I don't want to see them hugging and kissing in front of me. I know it will happen.

AND to add to it.

I got rejected again. Sorta...

I told my friend I like this boy that sits at our lunch table everyday. It's just a small crush, nothing special. He's "my type" I guess. He's funny and he likes anime. And he's cute to me. A couple days later at lunch my friend told me that he "accidently" asked him if he wanted to go out with me. And he told me he said no. I guess that means he's not interested. That was so embarrassing because I was sitting right next to him when my friend told me. I suddenly felt awkward. I tried to change the subject as quick as possible. I feel self conscious every time I'm around him. When we tell dirty jokes which happens quite often I try not to include him in them. I don't want to see obsessed. Why did my friend have to tell him?!?! Well I guess it's good to know... But I kinda wish I knew why. But I guess it doesn't matter.

I know my problems might seem trivial. None of this will matter in 5 years. But it hurts. It's emotionally draining. I just want to forget about living (school) life and stay home. Sometimes I feel like I'll become depressed in the future.

Anyway...

FIGHTING!!

*smiles awkwkardly*

P.S I hate being the single one.

P.S if you actually read all of this I love you <3