i logged into all the accounts i had to rp in fairytale/celestial/upromise (all same rp) and i just.. realized something... i kept on saying how much i miss the old days, how the rp was basically my life. and i kept on saying how roleplaying wasnt the same anymore, that rps and rp-ers changed. but actually that isnt even the main reason i complained, and i only realized now. i complained because rp-ing in that rp brought me happiness, happiness that i cant find anywhere else anymore. it was seriously the best summer in my life in the past 13 years of existing. the place was full of joy, and i was simply happy. it made me happy. the people made me happy. i cant believe i didnt realize that before. its happiness im looking for, not an active rp with a bunch of people i get along with. even in fairytale there were people i just didnt get along with. thats normal. its called being human. but even if it was like that, i was still happy there. now that theres not much left over there, all i have is beautiful memories. memories i'll cherrish with me until the end. but i somehow feel a bit bitter as well. because i cant find that happiness anymore, i want to go back in time and be even happier. 

i just really want to be happy like that again, but i cant find my happiness anywhere anymore. at least not the same happiness.