OK I don’t know how I feel about  Sungmin’s rumor marriage, but I think should be happy for him cause I read in others site that’s these mill rumors are true and there even insider ELF k fans confirming this true but they don’t wanna tell it yet.

Anyway for past few months, I was spazzing for all my heart for Sungmin, cause I knew when Sungmin enlist there’s no more spazzing. But when his news dating out, I really got heartbroken. And again got heartbroken when this marriage news spread.  Sungmin has really become someone I attached to him emotionally and even I consider him as boyfriend sometimes.

Before I knew Super Junior and Sungmin, I was busy in studying, working part time, and even have guy I knew we both have crush on each other but none of us have the courage to admit it. After I graduated, I start working full time and kept waiting for that guy but he never came back and instead he got married to another girl and now they have a beautiful daughter.  Two months I kept crying for my stupidity for not telling him my feeling, because if I told maybe I’m now his wife. That’s why I kept myself working and then I discovered Super Junior and Sungmin who become my full time interest after coming back from work at home.

I knew this wrong, But for me Kyumin was like the love story that’s I didn’t have in real life. Kyumin fanfics was like Cinderella story to me. Kyumin M rated fics was like the ual satisfaction I never get in real life. Kyumin was like the armor that will keep enjoy and save from the real world. As a south East Asian girl whose age is 27 years old, marriage topic is so pressured to me. Most of my friends already married and my family always asking me when my turn too. That’s why I hate family gathering and preferred reading kyumin fics at home. And part why I was sad for sungmin news date was I got that idea kyumin was perfect couple like me and that guy.

I will keep reading kyumin fics but if Sungmin really got married I will little by little turning down it (or maybe I should start now??). also maybe become casual fan of Sungmin and Super Junior, just listening to their release and reading their news. Seriously it’s gonna be awkward reading sungmin’s fics or spazzing about his or body, when he's already married. And I don’t wanna stan another bias cause I really don’t wanna get hurt again .

Finally I really should start searching my own love too ^^.

Sorry for this long post, but I really wanna write everything in my heart.