It's me, Carmen, again. The past two days have been almost unbearable for me, just like it probably have been for many of you. Thank you to all of you who still left me supportive messages. They provided me with a lot of comfort. They really did. AiStudio's "I'm going to keep this short. I'm staying." left me tearful. All of a sudden, it came to me that no matter who are the innocent ones in this whole drama, it would probably mean the world to them if we told them "We're staying."

I've heard too much, and seen too much. Comforting things, as well as hurtful-like-hell things. Good or bad, we have to admit that we will never know the truth. Believe it or not, I've been in a similar situation like the girl herself. She said, "I'm deeply saddened and hurt by those who I trusted and hope that you don't ever have to experience this kind of pain." That was exactly how I felt back then. It is painful to be reminded yet again of the almost identical situation (from the outside). I had people who could only stand by and watch as I left the group, or, as I got forced out of the group. I had to look at the photo of them, without me. No matter how painful, how heartbreaking, how torturing it was, there was still just this much I could tell others about my group, and no one else will ever know the cold hard truth. Similarly, the girl and the girls can never say anything enough to let us understand the whole situation. Like Tiffany said in her blog about her friendship with Taeyeon, "If you aren't me & you aren't TaeTae then you wont understand it." Precisely. Who's the right one, and who's not. We'll never really know. The truth can be anything. From the girls really turned against the girl on their own accord heartlessly, to the girl actually lying and hurting the girls, to the girls were forced to do whatever they did and the girl is just heartbroken while thinking that her girls no longer love her any more. To mend their bond (if it was ever broken in the first place), it's all up to them, not us.

I've lost myself for the past two days, and I can't continue being like this any more. They're adults, they don't need us telling them what to do. No amount of petitions can bring the girl back. Plus, in such a situation, do you think that it's all going to be the same even if the girl really returns? As much as I want more than anything for this whole drama to be reversed, I know that it's not possible.

If you love someone/something, it's your responsibility to protect him/her/it. Because we really don't know what's going on behind the scenes, I ask for you to trust the girls that they would have done whatever they could to protect who/what they love - be it Jessica, or Girls' Generation (as 8, or 9, or any other number), or other members, or fans (us), or anyone/anything. I also ask for you to revive yourselves, to stop crying, and to start breathing again. We need to take a moment to appreciate the very fact that what had happened might have been a great dispute, but it was not anything morbid. I hope you get what I'm trying to tell you indirectly, because I really felt blessed when I thought about it. Now, I'm not on anyone's side, not that I had been specifically on anyone's side to begin with. I'm on the side of love. If they truly love someone, I'm on their side. 'They' referring to anyone, not particularly the girl or the girls.

I've decided. I'm not going to stop writing, even if I'm going to take a while to let the fact settle in. For those who are staying, I can't thank you enough. For those who are leaving, at least I have to say that I understand how you feel. Like Alex (at5478) always says, stay strong. That's honestly the least we can do.

P.S. The reason why I mentioned 'the girl' and 'the girls' separately, was not because I had lost faith in their bond. It was because of the two sides of the stories that we had been exposed to. I hope you don't take it the wrong way, because I've never for once stopped loving all of them. Every single one of them.

Carmen H.
(JarOfStories)
© Sky Blue Tales ✍