hi, this is the first time i'm using the blog feature on aff, this is ing weird. 
but i think it's time i said proper goodbyes to y'all. and note: this is hella long, so ctrl+f and look up your name. thank.

jenny, you're the first friend i'd ever had on aff & in the rpw. you're brilliant, even though you can be really thick-headed and y sometimes. i owe you everything. you've made me laugh and cry and you were the first person that had ever felt real to me. i hope you get you finish med school with flying colors and i hope you save lives and deliver fugly babies. you're the best.

yumi, you found me while we were at jjang. man those were the times. i can safely assure you that you're my most favorite taeyeon ever. and also, i'm giddy over the fact that i'm the only person who'd seen your real selca. which i've saved btw. oops. you're kind-hearted and funny, even though time has changed us both. i'm glad i met you. i'll watch mix & match and think of you tbvh.

ann, you are the sweetest person ever. when we first met, i couldn't deny that you were a little annoying, but time and time went by and you wouldn't budge. you never left. you stood by me, no matter how ty i was to you. and even today, you still manage to find me and make me smile. be brave and don't let people push you around anymore. i've got your back, like you had mine.

sabrina, kira. you guys are the funniest s i've ever met. literally, the two of you were my best friends. i'm sad we don't get to talk as much anymore, but i cherish every memory i've shared with the two of you. 

hyemi, you were also a person i'd changed my opinion about. you came off as prudish as first, but as time went by, you were also revealed to be loyal and sensitive. we bonded over a similar pain, and i'm glad i got to meet you. i know there are still a lot of things you weren't able to tell me, but i want you to know that it's okay. please take care of your health and your happiness.

simona, you . i have literally so many memories of you and i bet if i looked through my old external hard drives, i'd still find the pictures that you sent me of your bras. you harlot!!! i miss you so much, honestly. you and my were the cutest things ever. and your krislukai drama was hilarious. i wonder how jei is these days lmao. i hate that you're so busy, but i also wish the best for you.

justin. you were my first love online. do you know how scared i was, when i realized that i went looking for you more than i did any of the boys at my high school? i spent an endless amount of nights and days crying over you, you stupid . i know you lied to me. it's okay. the amount of times you had me staying up all night just to talk to you proved their worth. my favorite memory of you will forever be when baek told me you asked about airfare from philippines to korea. i miss you, i do.

mgr baek. the stupid baek. the tvxqsnsd baek. you idiot. you never came back for me. i honestly thought you would, i waited so long for you. it's okay that you didn't and i don't doubt that you're growing up well now. i hope you're studying hard and i miss you. please take care of yourself.

kabbie, you are the link between my two worlds!! joining iny was a huge moment for me, because that's where my transition from noob -> occured. i was scared because everyone talked in a certain way and you were familiar to me. i'm glad we got closer, and i'm really sorry for all the lost time spent in between the periods where we were too lost to talk to anyone. you are one of my favorites now, i hope you know that. and for the moment, i'm severely lacking in vitamin-u. : (

emily, i used to scream into my pillow, all the hurtful things i wanted to say to you. i was so nonchalant when we'd broken up, because i figured it was best for the both of us, but seeing you so happy after our split devastated me. it meant i hadn't been worth even a teensy bit of what you'd meant to me. i've forgiven you for that, and i'm apologetic for the instances where i should've been more interesting as a lover. i'm sorry for a lot of things. but i'm glad i met you. you were the best luhan. you're not a bad person. i hope you learn that happiness doesn't come from temporary things, and i hope happiness finds you. 

elle. you are the only person i'd ever truly loved here. i'm shaking now because i've only just realized how much i'd missed you. the truth is, i never deserved you. you were way out of my league, princess. you spoke of new universes, pop culture, and your person was bright in color and love. i never spent a day with you bored. you were truly amazing and i'm sorry i ed things up. someday, i will work up the courage to ask your forgiveness. 

jess. long time no talk, but you were also important to me. you are so seductive. you have no idea. you could convince people to kill themselves, i bet. if you wanted, but thankfully, you aren't nearly as sadistic. the time we spent together at hhumpers was one of my quakier moments. i spent all day looking forward to talking to you, and even if you were a bit of a douche and a flirt, you were still charming. be careful when dealing with hearts, idiot. and take care of yourself.

deborah. you, my friend, were an when we'd first met. i can barely remember why we'd hated each other in the beginning, but i remember losing all motive at revenge when i realized how tender of a lover you were. you are truly not a bad person, though many others have been led to believe so. i worry for your future and i hope you can take it into your own hands. smile, princesa. 

ade. my precious lemonade. it's been so long since we'd been able to call properly, but strangely enough, i don't think you're really missing me. i don't mind it as much, because i've never been one worth remembering. i'm disappointed how heavily you've changed since i've first met you, but i can only sympathize as it's a pain that we shared. i wish you the best, ade, i do. please don't beat yourself up over stupid things anymore. you're worth much more than that.

geoff & vielka. i miss you guys, i actually do. i ended up returning to kbb a while ago, and you two weren't there. but being there again reminded me of the few nights i'd been able to share phone calls with you, geoff. i remembered our little fights and vielka trying to wedge between us, trying to prevent us from ripping each other apart. you guys are cute. i miss you two.

dan, i really miss you. words cannot describe how much i do. every single time i think i'm totally all better, somehow you show up somewhere and then i'm falling apart all over again. you would understand it, i'm sure. missing someone to that extent. i'm disappointed that you never felt it within yourself to return my well-invested friendship, but i'm learning to cope. i listen to lana del ray a lot. i'm sorry i'd never been good enough for you. i wish you every happiness, and good luck. don't procrastinate and become better for yourself in college. 

ingrid, i also really, really miss you. you were an exceptional friend, even though your sensitivity made you difficult to tolerate at times. i loved you, i truly did. i loved telling you about winner, i loved you telling me about f(x) and somewhere in the middle, in between all the sobs about emily and dan, we melted together. you are exceptional. i hope you find it within yourself to stop comparing yourself to other people, as you are wonderful all on your own. i'm really sorry i couldn't do better for you, and i hope that you find your happiness too.

steff, i'm really sorry to you too. i knew your feelings for me were beyond what others expected, but i couldn't bring myself to do anything about it. you have always been a little sister to me. you're cute, you're sweet. you're geniunely kind and i think that's hard to find in people these days. i hope you take care of yourself and find it within you to forgive me someday. i wish i were better for you, but i'm not.

jae, i can't believe i'm including you in this. oh my god. but strangely enough, i miss you too. you were a good enemy, then a better friend, and eventually, a ty lover. your poems were cheesy as , but they still made me smile. you're so dumb though, i can't believe you tried to pull of your own death, who do you think you are, superman. please. but i hope you're doing okay too!

autumn, we don't talk much, but it wouldn't feel right to not say goodbye to you too. you're too busy being miss popularity these days, but i remember when you'd been a geniunely quiet, softspoken, but sensitive person, too. you made a terrific jiyeon, and i'm sorry we didn't have time to develop that friendship. we were once wallflowers together, do you remember? if not, that's okay too. but be good to yourself, sobs.

christine, lucy. the two of you were my best friends at iny. i literally couldn't have imagined going a day without talking to the two of you. you guys were hilarious and always on caps lock, and i treasure that time with you guys, because i think that was just before we started growing up and resenting everything. christine, you are so cute. you would've followed me everywhere. you made a good yura and a cute "few-days" girlfriend. lucy, i used to resent you for being so close to emily, but now i understand that it is everyone else who is drawn to you. i miss you both dearly.

bella. you were my biggest what if. i wonder what would've happened if we hadn't lost contact after perfect. i miss you loads. it amazed me that we struck up conversation right away, even though you hadn't even been part of the rp that i was in at the time. you're super cute and honestly, the first person who'd ever reflected my own feelings of nervousness. you are precious. i miss you. i hope we'll talk soon.

earth, you are also a what if. i wonder what would've happened if everything hadn't jumbled up so badly after my philippines trip. i often asked myself when it was that mocha had replaced me for your best friend. i resented you both a lot, and it stabbed my heart to see you guys were so much better together than i was with either of you. of course, time has healed most of my wounds, but days still come when i am missing you. i do miss you, eot, and all our otp names, and our stupid drawings (though yours were quite fantastic). i missed our long convos and the class time i spent sending you voice messages. you were one of my favorites. it hurts to talk to you now, because you're so dismissive, but i do miss you.

mocha, i swear, you and earth come as a set pair in my eyes. we go back a long way, don't we? it's been nearly two years now, right? i can't remember sobs. but i do remember the days you came to me, lonely and sad and in need of some love, and it's selfish, but i'd been so glad all your other friends were neglecting you, because that meant i could secure a spot for me in your heart instead. i was selfish with you and there were a lot of things i could do better, but our friendship was a really, really nice one. i miss you a lot these days, even if you do send me kkt messages occasionally. you're growing up so beautifully and i actually cried after you'd sent me a selfie once. you're so beautiful, mocha. don't forget. 

tiffany, you are like. perfect. your sense of humor is 10 / 10. your editing skills are so wow. you like chuck palahniuk too. i just. where have you been my whole life? i hate that you're getting busier, but also the blame is on me. i promise i'll do better in our conversations and i want to make you laugh, too. thanks for being my friend. i love you. 

nicole. i didn't care much about you at first, because it was so hard to get close to you!! i had an inkling that you didn't like me, and when you admitted it to me later, i was very much iffed!! but i'm glad we had the chance to get closer because you are honestly hilarious and wonderful and you know so many amazing hunhan fics (that piss me off but). i hope you always find time for me in your gradually getting busier schedule. ily.

alex. you were the first ever twitter lover. omg. but literally, i can't even recall why i so urgently wanted to talk to you all the time. we hurt each other a lot as sekai, i think. but nonetheless, you made it very special for me. today, i'm glad i've found such a good friend in you. you'd be even better though, if you actually went to sleep on time and . screams. but i love you, i do, baby.

elyssa, you're one of the victims of my neglection too. i'm sorry. you are really very precious and i still remember that one time i'd confused you with another friend and the shame burns through me. i'm sorry. you deserved so much better. i hope you and em are still friends and take care of each other. i hope you have someone to take care of you better than i could. someone who replies on line faster than i could. i still adore you though, you buttface.

moon, i miss you. myungsoo says he misses you too, ahaha. i really miss our old jjang days together, back when we were still naive and noob. you must be busy these days, hm? i hope you're taking care of yourself.

taehyun. i never got your ooc name. wow. i just realized. but hi, i love you so much omg. the amount of coincidences in our lives is insane. you were the best taehyun and i was your only qri and my freckle and our confessions and you awkwardly trying to ask me out. i loved that moment of my life. it surprised me to find you at kbb too and even more so to realize you rp on twitter too!! you are my favorite atom now too, and i hope you know you're important to me ; ___ ; even if my replies are slow.

paula, i don't know if you'll be able to read this, but i do adore you. you remind me so much of elle, honestly. i wonder if the two of you had ever crossed paths before. maybe you have. i don't know. i know that you charm the pants off of anyone who exchanges hellos with you. you're beautiful and i love your baby clothes and i won't ever leave you again. i'll make you happy, i promise. 

nisha, you're the best mate. you're too busy for me these days, but i know i can always depend on you. you make a good bobby and i, a great clingy hanbin. i hope you know i don't plan on leaving your side for another few hundred years. you're the best.

emma, you are without a doubt, the love of my life. i can't imagine going a day without talking to you and it hurts my heart that our friday night dates are harder to acquire. i'm forever insecure by your side and i don't know what i'd do if you were to realize that i'm nothing special. please don't ever realize that i'm nothing special, it will break my heart. i hope i'll get to spend another forever with you. i love you i love you i love you.

shoutouts to min, j, bobby, and jessica for being amazing new friends on twitter. love to linda, bbyc, jen, alice, -kaiyeol, vivi, liz and to everyone else i've forgotten to mention. it's been a long, few years, guys. and i'm thankful for all of you, i really am. 

if you still want to keep in contact, my kkt is atelophilic and i think my line is anthophilic. my skype is jisoobb, my tumblr is soobaka.tumblr.com. my snapchat, twitter, and instagram are mxnstrxsity. hopefully, this isn't the last of jisoo, but if it is, i've loved and cherished you all.

cheers.