It's still summer vacation and I am so stressed it's ridiculous.

I'm supposed to go on exchange in January. I didn't get a spot through my university so I'm going as a freemover. The positive thing about that is that I could choose from every single university in the world - I would just have to contact them myself and ask if they had a spot for me. The negative thing is I have to do everything myself, including things that students who got a spot through university don't need to do. I have tried to ask for help from the coordinator who helps the students who got a spot through the university, and she is so freaking standoffish and just not helpful at all. On top of that, she's the one who needs to sign a preapproval about the courses I want to take and she is just... again, not helpful. I have to go back and forth between so many people and it's just one big domino game, I can't do one thing before the first is done and it's just hell on earth. Especially working out the economy. I have to somehow get my bank to sign that I have the money for tuition and that money is supposed to come from several different sources and it's just one big mess and I want to cry. 

My dad is in Denmark and has once again shown very clearly that he could not care any less about any of her daughters. It frustrates me to no end that it still hurts. It's been like this for 14 years, it's not news. I hate that it still hits me like this. 

I've binge eaten chocolate the last three days. I've eaten 600 grams of chocolate. I hate myself. 

I've been going to a diet...rician? A person who knows about food. While it has worked in the way that I have lost 6 kilos, I just don't feel well. She's told me to eat every three hours and I feel like I am eating all the time. I have to literally force myself to eat and I hate it. I hate the feeling, I hate it. I know that it's healthy and I know that it is my idea of food and what and when to eat that is off, but I just hate the feeling of having to force myself to eat, especially because I am very overweight, I feel fat and just... argh, it's stressful and I hate it. I really really hate it. It makes me feel sick.