So, it has been a while since I have written in a blog post so I thought, "Why not?"

I haven't updated much of my stories recently because I have been going through a tough time recently. Most of you may or may not know that I had previously suffered from depression, but have recently relasped. I am getting better, but I have been struggling a little. I have battled with self-harming and accidently fell into it again, but with my family by my side I'll be alright.

I was happy for a moment in my life and I predicted it be torn from me sooner or later, and so it did. I was in a relationship with someone. We were intimate and I cared for him, but it seems that he said the word 'love' without the feeling actually being there. I, also, fear he may have a close relationship with my former "best" friend, but all's well that ends well.

This brings me to my other topic. My stories. My stories will be completed soon. Tao's story is progressing slowly because I have no idea what to write. I am just flipping blank pages. I want to continously appeal to you all, but I'm wavering. Anytime I write something I am not satisfied with. I guess that is the demon of a writer.

Kai's story is progressively quickly in my mind. I already know what I want to happen, but it is quite difficult to put into words because it is base in a time where formaility was alive. I have made the character talk a certain way, make them think a certain way, but prepare for the worst. It is coming ^_^
 

Next topic I would like to address is that if most of you may know there's profiles on Twitter where people make fun of what the author has written while some makes sense as to why it is ridiculous some of them don't. For example: the portrayal of characters. I would use my characters for example.

I have portrayed Kai as a sociopathic teenager that shows no remorse regardless of /gender. Kai, in no way, is like that in real life. At least, I hope not. I made Kai a fictionalized character. As fanfiction writers we all do this. We make our idols something they are not and that's the beauty of it. We mold them into something much more even though it contradicts their actual personalities.

Which comes to people pointing out that a character cannot be a womanizer because he is not like that in real life. It seems that people have long forgotten about the definition of fiction. I don't understand this backlash because an idol isn't portrayed by his actual personality. If we were to write that way I believe it would take the joy of writing fanfiction.

Subscribers. Now, I am very happy that many people love my stories and subscribe, but then there's unsubscribers. That just really angers me. If you don't like my story or simply are irritated by my slow updating then what is the point of subscribing in the first place? The dates are blantly there for you to see when I have last updated and sometimes I feel like it is because a person might be uncomfortable with the stories content. The warnings are listed for a reason. Kai's story is dark; it is not going to be sunshines and rainbows and Tao's story is as ual as it comes.

Please, don't subscribe to abandon the story the following day. I can't find the right word, but it makes it difficult to continue updating stories.

Kai's story and Tao's story.

As you all know Kai's story is going to be one that is not "nice." It is going to be horrendous and that's just because I love going into the dark side of my mind. As a person who is passionate about writing I don't want to be in a bubble and I don't think anyone should be. As time goes by people are becoming more and more sensitive which makes people that are passionate about art walk on thin ice. In classic literature you would read of things that are not spoken of anymore because of fear of the audience and that is something I am not going to contribute to. As I said as his story progresses and reaches its ending warnings will be listed. There's one that reads "Violence of many forms" and if you don't know what I meant by that I would tell you. It means violence of many forms disregarding /gender. We're messing with sociopathic men that feel no remorse for another person. It is the way the mind works, but they will be beauty in the story. I will find a way to put you on edge of a building, but also float on a river.

Tao's story is going to be ual just as the first one was. Tao is an over-ualized character and I, persoanlly, feel that is a very intimate, powerful thing. Which is why you/the female lead is able to remember his touches as it had actually happened, presently. I will update it. Give me sometime because I don't know how to go about the next chapter. I hope it will be everything you all want.

Last, but not least; I am thinking about writing another story. I was reading poetry and about classic literature that I felt inspired to write a story based on the society of the 1800s. It will be in Asia, but I don't know whether it will be in the Republic of Korea or Republic of China. Also, it would be modernized since earlier in years countries in Asia hardly had cities like it does now. I don't know if I am going to post this story up yet. I am writing a draft on it on my laptop. I'm not sure what to do with it because I want you all to read it already. I might just put it up there even though I have ongoing stories. I am always coming up with new stories for you. That's all I can tell you about this idea. I don't know what I am going to do with it as of yet, but it might surprise you so keep a look out.

That's all I wanted to talk about. I feel like I just rambled on. I apologize for not being a responsible author and not updating. I would try really hard to come up with something for the next chapter. Please, continue to read my stories. I am here if you need anything, remember that ^_^ I love you all. Thank you for reading. Leave some comments about the blog or anything in general, if you'd like.

- Jubi