I've never really posted a blog on AFF and I never really thought I would, but today—and the past week or so—has been rather harrowing and I need an outlet.  I wish my outlet could be writing for PMLA, but PMLA is very fluffy and I am not feeling particularly fluffy at the moment.  Unless I'm a grizzly bear.  In which case...go figure.

OKAY 

So my oppa is getting married in like two months and I am a bridesmaid and I have bridesmaid duties.  This is fine.  I am cool with this.  I like my duties as a bridesmaid.  I like being helpful and supportive and creative and all that.  It's fine.  BUT THERE IS ALWAYS A HAMARTIA.  You know what I'm saying?  And the fatal flaw is other people.  

Namely, one of the other bridesmaids.

((Let me interrupt myself and say on the record that I am largely unbiased.  I give praise where praise is due and vice versa.))

Now, this bridesmaid (I shall dub her Pigeon for the sake of anonymity) is a long-time best friend of my soon-to-be sister-in-law (whom I shall dub Cutie).  Their friendship is kind of weird, actually, because Pigeon and Cutie are polar opposites, and not in the yin-yang kind of way—they clash, since Pigeon is demanding, possessive, and a clinical control freak, where Cutie is anything but.

And so bridesmaids are supposed to throw showers, right?  Yes.  So a group chat on Facebook was made, like, four months ago.  And we've pretty much got the bachelorette party down because that's all anyone cares about, but nothing else has been discussed for the bridal and lingerie showers.  I mean, not really.  It was barely brought up.  Pretty much all that was said was that maybe we should have it at Catfish Junction because apparently that's convenient.

Nothing against Catfish Junction or anything, but that's just generally not the best venue option.  Everything is going to smell like greasy fried catfish and cheese grits, and the lighting is not decent, and the walls are dark wood panelling (and not the sorta-cute kind), and can you imagine having your bridal shower at Catfish Junction?  Talk about young love and romance and the start of a new story amirite.

I've been kind of freaking out about this for weeks.  Because it's obvious that no one knows what to do but everyone wants a blueprint right now.  And my sister and I have been just kind of sitting back because we don't want to swoop in and dominate, even though we know how to get stuff done and done nicely.  ((Another thing is that I am only 16 and all the others are like late twenties, early thirties, so I'm gonna be discounted because age hierarchy is a thing.))  Soooo after consulting Cutie, it's decided that there's just going to be one big bridal shower with both sides of the family and also church people, and we're going to have it at our church's fellowship hall because it's big and free with nice facilities.  This is good; everyone is fine with this.

But still, nothing is really getting done, and the shower is fast approaching.  And Cutie is basically having panic attacks because she's being bombarded with ideas and questions from all sides about the wedding/reception AND bridal shower, when the bride is not supposed to worry about the bridal shower anyway.  But she can't help it because it's so close and it's obvious that her bridesmaids don't know what they're doing.  So it's time for my sister and me to step in, and also my mom.  Cutie's mom died when she was a teenager, so she's been really dependent on my mom.  Anyway, all of us are really hesitant to step in because we don't want to smother anyone—but crap needs to be done.  The shower is less than two weeks away.

I made invitations, which took over five hours, and then printing was HELL and I wanted to cry and we were out of options.  But then the next morning I magically got it printed all right.  I mean, the invitations didn't look perfect, but maybe people will think the white margin around the bottom is some funky border or whatever.  At that point, I didn't even really care; they had to be mailed and, like I said, we were out of options.

Fast forward to yesterday.  My mom, sister, and I have basically figured out the menu, decorations, etc.  It's going to be simple, like the wedding is going to be.  Keep in mind that pretty much nothing is happening in the group chat.  The lack of communication has been astounding, because the other two bridesmaids (NAMELY PIGEON; the other girl is all right) are going to Cutie with everything.  And Cutie has enough to worry about, seriously.  This isn't her job, it's ours.  She isn't even really supposed to know what we're doing.  Her job is literally just to show up, interact with everyone, open gifts, have a good time, etc.  We are ~showering her, dang it.  And she's having anxiety over it but she doesn't want to ask Mom to take care of it because she feels like Mom is doing everything.  Which isn't necessarily true: she has plenty of help, she'll delegate tasks, whatever.  Mom isn't new to this, and she wants to have a shower that Cutie will be pleased with.  Honestly, it's all about Cutie.  It's her bridal shower, and Cutie deserves this because she's always the one giving.  The reason we're having a joint shower in the first place is because her family doesn't really know how to do these things since she's the one who usually does it.  She's literally one of the sweetest people I know, and I know lots of sweet people.  She's like the perfect balance of sweet and down-to-earth.  And she's not even saccharine sweet or aegyo-filled—she's genuine.  And I think people take advantage of that.

Anyway, she was having anxiety about the whole thing, so yesterday evening my mom and I went over there to support her and hopefully alleviate some of her fears (the others were supposed to be there but they couldn't come).  We ended up discussing kind of what we planned, even showing her a sample centerpiece.  And I hate that she's gonna know everything about her shower, but I guess it couldn't be helped.  And she was fine with everything.  Meanwhile, Pigeon is texting her about cake.  We had already discussed making several types of dessert bars because they can be cut ahead of time and displayed prettily, and people like options.  It was too late to order a cake from our normal cake artist, because all hers are homemade and stuff.  And also, it's kind of ridiculous to pay $60-$80 on a cake when Cutie doesn't even like cake that much, and cake isn't even going to be a central attraction for the wedding.  Like, there's going to be a small cake just for the traditional 'feed each other' thing, but there are also going to be a whoooole bunch of homemade pies for consumption.  We like pie, I tell you.  So homemade bars and brownies kind of go along with her reception, and EVERYONE LIKES BROWNIES.

But again, we don't want to overtake things.  All of us are sort of connoisseurs of throwing get-togethers (I come from a huge family and that's what we do), but we're also not very assertive.  I mean, we can be if it's necessary, but we don't like hurting feelings.  We've been walking on eggshells the entire time.  So when Pigeon asks about the cake, Mom says tell her she can get it if she wants.  We don't want her to feel left out.  BUT it's ultimately up to Cutie, even though we've been trying to keep her out of this just so we could avoid putting stress on her.  And she likes the idea of dessert bars so she says we can do both, just make less of the bars.  But then Pigeon is like, "well we can do that but I can tell you right now that if there are several varieties of dessert bars, people are going to get one of each."  And Cutie was like no I don't agree but do I tell her that.  And there were lots of grimaces and heavy moments of silence in the house because we're torn between letting Pigeon do what she wants so we don't hurt feelings, or doing what Cutie wants since it's her shower.  And her only complaint about the dessert bars is that she doesn't want it to be too much trouble on Mom, even though it won't be because my sister will do some and I can do some and Mom can do some, etc.

And Cutie was literally in tears.  I know it seems ridiculous, but she has a lot on her and no one is really lightening her burden.  Mom grabbed her in this huge hug and was like, "it'll all work out, you'll have a good shower I promise."

So today my mom drafted this plan, the plan we went over last night, and my sister sent it in the group chat.  And the overall tone of the message was very neutral and including of everyone, and nothing really needed to be edited so that it would come across better.  The only thing was that Mom did make it known that she was "old school" and thought the bride shouldn't have to worry about her shower (written in a light, slightly self-deprecating tone) and that if we have questions, she's willing to take them.  So yeah, it should have been fine.

But apparently Pigeon went over to Cutie's house this evening and basically threatened to back out of the wedding on the grounds that she felt "unuseful."  Which is ridiculous because she has been helping and generally good to Cutie, and backing out of the wedding on those grounds render her reasoning completely ironic.  And guys, the shower is in ten days.  It's not like we have the time to be petty.  I know I sound very angry writing this (because I am), but my mom, sister, and I have all been very careful with our words and actions.  To be honest, Ashley and I should have been more assertive way earlier in the group chat because we could have had this DONE.  But we don't like hurting feelings.  So yeah.

My brother was texting my mom and she basically felt horrible for Cutie, and my sister forwarded the message my mom wrote about the shower to my brother so he could read it and make sure Mom didn't say anything untoward.  And he was relieved because he didn't want Cutie to think it was anything she said, and he said it was very clearly a case of selfishness on Pigeon's part.  (She's one of those friends who are like I-can-be-your-only-friend-you-are-mine.)  And he said it was an excuse to get out of the wedding; I don't think she's even ordered her dress lol.  And my mom was saying, "Tell me if I get out of line," and my brother responded with: "You know I would, but I can see that everything you're doing is in [Cutie's] best interest.  [Pigeon is at fault here and [Cutie] knows that."  And my brother seriously would let my mom know if she was out of line.

And Pigeon left their house tonight with these words: "Well if you want me to be at the wedding, sleep on it and get back to me."

In other words, she wants Cutie to beg.  

What an awesome friend Pigeon is.  Give it up for her, guys, we need to give her the acknowledgement she deserves.  lol her whole agenda is wanting the glory for doing stuff anyway

And thus Cutie and my oppa did not come to church tonight because Cutie couldn't stop crying and was exhausted.  And I'm just so angry because this shouldn't have happened.  Something always goes wrong, sure, but does it have to be for petty reasons?  God forbid we sacrifice our egos for an utterly deserving individual.

And then my pastor preached on Christ-like attitudes tonight, lol.  I probably needed that. 

But I also needed catharsis, I guess.  I'm just so frustrated.  It's not about me or my mom or my sister or our ideas...it's about Cutie.  Pigeon hasn't hurt my feelings one bit, but I am upset that she's causing my sister-in-law to be so distressed.  

//FIN WOW I AM LONG-WINDED NO ONE IS GOING TO READ THIS OR CARE