I got close to him the other day. About 3 feet away. All I had to do was reach out and tap him on the shoulder... I didn't. I ran away like the scaredy cat i am. I'm told he looked back while I was laughing... he giggled... does he laugh at me? probably. I just don't know what to do. Everyone says I am making a big deal of this and I need to just talk to him. I even tell MYSELF this, but it doesn't make a difference... no matter how much mockery and disappointment they point towards me it won't change anything. They think I don't try and I want attention... believe me it is not that. They don't understand that I can't do anything about it. I try so hard, but when the moment comes to talk to him I am no longer in control of my body. Usually this is good because it carries me toward the thing that I am nervous about, but no. Once I see him look my way, my body wants to run as far away as I can... I don't know why. He distracts me. When I try to focus, he pops into my mind. When I try to relax, his face is there causing me to tense. I want to punch him for doing this to me but I can't because he doesn't know what he does to me... Is this love? Is this what love feels like?