When I visit AFF I was get a feeling that there is something big for me. Funny right? Sigh.

So I started writing. 

I fell inlove with it immediately. 

But the sad thing is that, this happened during my first ever fanfic.(Lies). I had so much ideas for that fanfic, but it failed so horrendeously. I was getting subscribers very slowly, and I reassured myself that it's my first time writing it's going to be like that. So I introduced my story to my friend (let's just make up a name for her instead of being the real name.) Jasmine was her name. 

When I introduced the story to her, (I had a collaberation with her before) (Lies), she loved it immediately. My heart was warmed by the thought, but she tends to overeaccte on things. She even upvoted it. I was really shocked about that. So during the event of Jasmine spassing about my fanfic. (She has 3 accs). I found out that she even commented on it too. So I read her comments. 

And it was the usual over-exaggerated stuff. It was in caps by the way, so it enphasizes about it so much more. But I got the feeling that it was all fake. 

I know what you're probably thinking that I am just being insecure, but it's not about that.

I have been updating regulary(in my terms of course). It was the last time she commented. I'm thinking it was the last time she ever read the fanfic, even. 

Every chapter that was updated I left an Author's message, but i'm thinking that the subscribers never read them. So I get a little depressed. And i've been seeing that no one actually reads my Author's message. 

I think it all started because of the lack of comments. 

I know it sounds greedy and all what not. 

But I really can't change what is in me. 

So anyways, back to the reason about my depression. In the messages I leave for the audience, I urge them to comment and  leave a response

They never did.

Days passed and no one left a comment.

Months passed no one left a comment.

I thought to myself is it really that bad? My writing. And I think that was the foundation for my insecurited now. I will never get rid of them, as I hoped when it all started. 

I just hope that it will lessen. 

In actuall I really don't like how I truly am. 

I crave for compliments, and responses. I never really get them. 

It's a sad way I think sometimes.