So unnie, Here's some tips for ya ^^ 

You usually write a lot of speeches and you often put them in paragraph. It's abit confusing at times because the readers might not get who is speaking which sentence. 

For example, this paragraph at Chapter 49. 

What you wrote:  “I’m here too … really !” Sungmin mumbled “Hey Look ~ they’re showing A Blood Pledge and Finding Mr. Destiny those two are great” Eunhyuk said “I don’t want to watch a horror movie … I get afraid easily” you said , “then let’s go watch it I’ll protect you” Sungmin  held your shoulder from the back “didn’t you just heard what I said ?” you gazed him “I know ,that’s why I…-” he was saying when Hyuk cuts him “she said she doesn’t like horror movies” Hyuk said “fine … what do you want to watch” Sungmin pinched your cheeks “let’s go watch Finding Mr. Destiny” you smiled , Sungmin and Eunhyuk looked at each other “Mr. Destiny it is ~” Sungmin held your right hand and Eunhyuk held your left and both of them pulled you in . 

What I suggest: 

“I’m here too … really !” Sungmin mumbled

“Hey Look ~ they’re showing A Blood Pledge and Finding Mr. Destiny those two are great” Eunhyuk said

“I don’t want to watch a horror movie … I get afraid easily” you said ,

“then let’s go watch it I’ll protect you” Sungmin  held your shoulder from the back

“didn’t you just heard what I said ?” you gazed him

“I know ,that’s why I…-” he was saying when Hyuk cuts him

“she said she doesn’t like horror movies” Hyuk said

“fine … what do you want to watch” Sungmin pinched your cheeks

“let’s go watch Finding Mr. Destiny” you smiled , Sungmin and Eunhyuk looked at each other

“Mr. Destiny it is ~” Sungmin held your right hand and Eunhyuk held your left and both of them pulled you in . 

It makes it easier to read (: Also, you can cut down on your speeches and try to add more descriptions (: Also, your commas and full stops are also important. You also have some grammar and spelling mistakes from time to time but you improve chapter by chapter ^^ So, you're doing pretty well ^^ your story plot is there, so improve on this few points and your story will flow better! (: 

I hope I didn't offend you with all of this! >< 

UNNIE HWAITING! <3