This is what's saving me.....

The only things that keep me sane and stops "those" thoughts is kpop and drawing on myself....

 

Kpop stops me from picking up that blade...

For me, it helps me a million more times than the current music my generation enjoys....

I love the way that it's the beat that catches me, not the the lyrics but in the end the lyrics do too....

I like not fully understanding, it keeps my mind busy....

Not to mention the wonderful people singing...

 

 

 

Drawing on myself gives me the sensation of sanity.

The way the ink can spread more on skin than on paper....

The way it looks from afar....

The way it allows me to show you me, the real me.

The me with sharp edges but smoother inside marks.

The me that draws out of the lines and leaves it.

 

This is what's stopping me from picking up the blade and killing myself.

Family? No.Not even close to helping me stop, half the time their the reason I even do it.

Friends? I can die for them with good intent.

Strangers? I'd rather die for a stranger.

I don't give a about what others say about me. I DONT GIVE A FLYING PIECE OF DOG IF YOU THINK MY DRAWINGS MAKE IT LOOK LIKE I REPRESENT GANGS OR THE FACT YOU THINK THEY LOOK LIKE REAL TATTOOS, THIS IS WHAT KEEPS ME FROM PUTTING A BLADE ACROSS MY SKIN.

THIS IS WHAT KEEPS ME FROM WANTING TO STARVE FOR DAYS AND DAYS ON.

It may seem stupid or useless or you just dont understand but you dont have to understand. Just know and remember that this is what's keeping me alive. Not 'family'.

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daebakdeerlove #1
I can't say I do understand. I mean, yea, there were countless times I've thought about self-abuse and you can blame my parents for that, but I get that you distract yourself from taking your life. that's really good and so much better that the latter option - you must have really good self-control. I think drawing on skin is awesome, and if you can do it really well, then GAH I JUST LOVE IT. IT'S AWESOME. And I understand you're not doing it to look awesome but for a real LIFE purpose. Just... keep your head up and stay strong. It's a shame we don't talk like at all so I guess this is all I can say right now? :) I know you can stay strong.
CheiriPiano #2
.. ugh. good lord.
I love you.
too inspirational for my heart-
DON'T ASK ME WHY THIS IS INSPIRATIONAL, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW AND WHY THE HELL NOT.
I'm really really happy you have at least one thing that keeps you alive. You know it's wrong to kill yourself, and all of us do, but we do it anyways because we can't take it anymore. But you have something that you can rely on and hold on to. Writing on your wrist is much better than cutting it, and listening to music is much better than not listening. Well. Psh of course.
But anyways, thank you for choosing the right thing and stepping on the right path. Make sure to stay on that path and never trail off, because even though you already took a step, one foot off the trail could lead to another. and another. until you're well lost into the forest. Life is kinda like a train track. You have to keep on moving, and even though the train is far behind you, and you're making progress, if you stand there for long enough you'll get run over.
We're all here for you to keep you strong. Even though I know you're strong enough to hold yourself up. <3 Thank you.
Mrs_Jin-ki #3
wow~ its really good that you've found something that helps your will to not cut, not everyone finds helthy coping mechanisms like that. fighting~
AngelaKon #4
People do understand :) the world is big enough for you to find at least one person cping with similar situation. Just stay strong. And draw. And listen to music! Who cares what other people think? This is your life :) if they put you down, it is because they are scared of unknown and themselves. Just laugh and pity them... because, in the end, you will be the winner.
Family can be the cause of the sulking. I can understand this point because for me it is the same. I don't have watm relationship with my family and music is the only thing that makes me feel the love... and writing... :)
So just keep up the drawing...who know, maybe, if you are great at it, you might as well open a tattoo saloon and have a serious business.... stay strong, K? :) ^^
-- #5
I read a post once about the thoughts you're feeling, but I remember a friend once told me if she felt like hurting herself, she'd grab some ice and stick on the place she wanted to target originally. Just to simulate pain without actually inflicting it.

I know how it is with music. I'm the same way, maybe a little less like you--but similar in a sense. I think that about my family sometimes, sometimes I even want to know what it would be like if they suffered because of me. But K-Pop and all it's quirks keep me off it long enough to stop thinking like that and continue living.

Either way, it's good to let how you're feeling out every so often. Hope you feel better soon, luv.
literary_whimsy #6
I understand what you're saying. Music is universal, as well as art, so you really don't have to understand what is being said. I'm glad that you have something that keeps you going and I hope that as you continue with your life you will find more things to keep you alive. I'm sorry if this sounds corny to you, but I do mean it. We all deserve to be happy.
blxck_ #7
I really understand how you feel :') just do what you like and love what you do! :) as long as you're happy. Ignore what people say ♡
Fxluvforever #8
As long as it doesn't hurt yourself or anyone else, it doesn't matter what you do to keep yourself 'sane'.
Do whatever you need to do to be happy
HansolChwe #9
You know what, what's keeping me alive is only my sister and the people that actually took car rod me for lore than ten year and they're not my parents. Kpop keeps my mind off only for a while, until those hypocritical adults just start talking about how disappointing I am, how I'm not worth caring for. Even those that took care of me started to say taut until I picked up the blade and just went straight for the legs. I try to forget and to escape the harsh reality but nothing keeps me distracted for a while, I act all word and crazy, but in the inside I am always crying.

I know how you feel and don't get mad over people that are just jealous of you or wants to break you down. Cause we gotta be strong, so we can prove them wrong and watch them fail at life while we succeed. This is how life works and I will definitely help all those that helped me, when I needed them.

Well, it's nice to meet you and have a nice day.
krisxing-you #10
personally, music save me from myself.
a lot of bad stuff happened and will happen. but i believe that everything happened for a reason, and i believe that better things are coming. stay strong dear (:
DragonJewel #11
Even though I never wanted to kill myself I do kinda agree that it isn't necessarily family cuz my true family , it feels like, is my friends
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