i'll be going to my father's hometown... somewhere isolated.

i'll be cutting all communications and will be living like a caveman for some weeks.

THAT MEANS NO UPDATE DURING THAT TIME.

i know i promised to finish HOY and update ASC and of course your much awaited MSY

but if you follow me on twitter (@kyupeemin) you probably already know what i am going through.

for those who are completely unaware

i had a miscarriage

if you know i am pregnant, then yeah that was it

my fiancé and i lost our baby after almost 15 weeks of having him

yes, i believe it's a him... but i didn't get to know, i wasn't given a chance to know, but i like to believe it was a boy

our supposed to be little baby boy markus, whom my fiancé named unknowingly ;)

it's actually really hard... it's very sad because we already made plans...

we were happily imagining future and already started making big changes for the life of a family and not just an engaged couple

it was a good thing that my fiancé markee hasn't moved from 7000 miles away to be with me finally

yes, we are in a long distance relationship for years now and we were going to end that because of the baby

yet again, that's going to be cancelled as well, right now we both need time to think

it's hard for me, but i know it's harder for him

i can't stand seeing him fall and cry like that, he wanted it so much

and seeing him suffer like that i feel more pain for him than losing what was supposed to be ours already

it's hard

but instead of worrying about me (my health is completely fine now, by the way) just pray for my baby

so...

i decided i am taking a break from everything

i need to do this, because i have to do something so i can go back to what i usually do before the pregnancy and all

if are aware, what i do for living involves so much time and energy from using my body

i'm a hair and make-up artist and a photographer (would have me standing for hours and hours)

and i am also a choreographer and a dance teacher (you surely have an idea about how this job works)

and also i have such hobbies like pole dancing and riding motorbikes

so i take on such physical activities and i always though i could never let go of those thing i love to do

and yet, when those test result turned positive i just knew i have to stop

i was a mother for exactly a hundred days and i don't regret a single moment of it

i am still thankful for everything

so to everyone who congratulated me when we found out i am still thanking you

and now that i am going through something like this i know you guys will still be there for me, just like you've always been

we may not know each other much and have nothing in common aside from kyumin

but most of you people are already so dear to me

so thank you, i hope you won't get bored waiting while i take a quick break so i can be back to normal

nothing will be the same with now but i have to make sure i change to a better person

so i really need this breeak

i am going to see you guys soon on my updates... i hope you all take good care

maybe do some re-reading to be ready for when i come back to update, okay???

i will be back, i promise :)

thank you, i know you guys will leave such kind messages, i will read them before i leave, and then read them again when i come back...

THANK YOU VERY VERY VERY MUCH!

i love you guys!

-sohpee