It has been very long since I wrote something. While I'm trying to put thoughts and ideas into words for my stories my mind also juggles with thoughts of the real world and reality never fails to drag me back harshly.

I have tons of mixed feelings for a week now, but it somehow felt forever. It seems as if I'm hurrily trying to surpass time but whenever I check the clock only a minute has passed but I've already daydreamed a short story.

I'm trying not to use lots of metaphors here, but my thoughts are scattered all over the place. For real, and I hope it's only for now.

I'm a very organized person and sometimes this strong personality drives myself crazy.

Now I feel like im going off-track, but intentionally I wanted to talk about my thoughts and why I am writing it here as a blog post. And the reason is because no one really knows me here, on this website. I sometimes add bits of amusing life stories of myeslf on tumblr, but I hope to spit out my thoughts here because I know no one would really care to read it and it benefits myself so that I can get my thoughts organized. (see, now my strong organizing personality really has something to do with my whole reason to write on AFF blog posts.)

I talk to strangers very very very , yes extremely, comfortably. I could dump out my passion, my regrets, my frustration, etc - to make everything short - in a night and feel more attached to the stranger than to my friends and family. And that is another reason why I talk much in the inside world (online), as of the outside world. Tumblr was meant for me to make some friends, someone I could talk to, but my friends always tell me that it's very uncomfortable talking to me because my thoughts are not what normal people would think, it doesn't match the outside world. And I thought, it is hard for me to convey that is why even online there are no 'friends' who would spare a night to talk about anything whatsoever.

Sometimes I wonder, how often people say "do you really have a real friend to talk to? Does those thousand friends on Facebook even do you any good and talk to you? Are they really your friend?", the answer is no. But for me, sadly it's the opposite. The ones that have gave me their time (which is ironic because strangers that are called 'friends-online' are giving me their time that I cannot return back)are some random people, like in another world we enter, who share me their experience and I learn from them more than my family and friends can show me. 

Yes, I am actually not going off my point of thought even though it really sounds like I am.

What family and friends showed me are a piece of crap of the materialistic realistic harsh world. Old and cliche phrases and sayings that drive me nuts because everytime I would think "please, why can't you just say it another way so then I can do things in another way". This doesn't really make you visualize what I'm really talking about here so an example for example. 

Tonight Dad brought home a few books when we went bookstore shopping and CD browsing. He threw me a book and insisted that I finish it before uni begins. "The Autobiography of Nelson Mandela, Long Walk To Freedom". I'm sure it's a good book and it is filled with expereinces worthy to pick up. But Dad was reading the other book and told me to finish that, too. Which is no problem, but he said something that kind of hit me through with a hammer, hammering my past and all my knowledge and all hard work I've put into to while loving books and writing. He said, "read autobiographies and biographies of mighty famous people, learn from them and you will become almighty and successful, don't read those junk that you read." It hit me then, how even my father is so realistic and how even his heart and soul was sold to this society that ran cold of little passion of a real heart. I was reluctant to let him know what I truly felt of his statement and I opened and closed my mouth but several tries and nothing came through, until I was about to leave the room he spoke again, " read and learn from their alimghty doings and you will become the most successful!" I turned around and went up front to him. I told him, without real heart comes no real success. Being almighty doesn't come from reading books or such like following their actions to lead to success, I left saying, "becoming almighty and successful isn't like math, there is no simple equation to follow." I didn't want to say anymore in case both sides gets a stab in the heart, but I tried to convey that even when people see other people do great things in life, everyone tries to find another shorter way and tries the shortcut first, but if you watch carefully the first time how that person dedicates to do that great act then your thought and action would operate in concert without that feeling of not really learning a thing.