So I was on a seminar this morning before my school organization decides to hold an officers' assembly when I stumbled upon allkpop's post on Kris filing a lawsuit against SM Ent on my phone. I couldn't possibly read that then and there so I had to wait till I get home to read the whole post but I desperately prayed that it would only be a rumor when I was on my ride back home. Turns out I was quite wrong. I normally don't write blog posts but I feel extremely confused and frustrated at the same time that I just need to vent it all out.

Is it just me or is it so hard to believe media nowadays? I seriously don't know what to believe in anymore. Tao just updated his instagram saying that the truth will always be hidden from the public (based on how I understood his post), and that only the people involved in the issue are the ones who truly knows what is happening. The 11 of them have possibly been judged by outsiders (?), but they will never know what it feels like to be betrayed. He ended up saying something about how nobody can ever stop "you" from leaving, and something about not informing the members about anything. I'm just gonna stop here because I need someone who is extremely fluent in Chinese to help explain what's really going on (I'm Chinese but I live abroad and we don't even use Chinese in this country so I'm not as fluent as the natives. Please help). This update really sound so convincing to me, as if Tao really is disappointed in Kris and all, but one part of me still can't help but think that what if, just what if, the members are being manipulated or forced to post stuff like this? What if it wasn't them who posted this to begin with?

But what if, what if they are actually true? What if it really is them and Kris did "betray" them, whatever that betray is. Would it be wrong to judge the other members and SM negatively? Tao did say in his post that they had to re-do the choreography for the concert to custom-fit it for 11 people and he is really tired already. Who is actually telling the truth? We really can never know because like what Tao said, we aren't the ones who are directly involved. I know (well at least I hope I'm right) that EXO won't throw away years of friendship down the drain just because Kris decided to file a lawsuit or even quit if worse comes to worse (because true friends and brothers don't simply do that), which is why I slightly doubt that those SNS posts were not made by the boys themselves. But a part of me still couldn't help but wonder, what if this... what if that...

I once had a dream to be a part of SMTOWN, and that was such a big and amazing dream of mine. I wanted to audition so so bad (and people say I'm quite decent in dancing too), but now that all these problems arise I just don't know if it's worth it anymore. I'll be a good fan and just stop reading articles about the lawsuit until Kris himself would release an official statement. I will stop feeding the trolls and stop believing in rumors/the media/SNS until this is all over. This is seriously taking a toll on my emotions. I don't know what to believe in and what to feel anymore. Why must technology be so cruel? Why can't we have a system of verifying the truth when we see something online? Maybe I should shut out technology for a few days/weeks?

Kris-gege, everyone faces hardships. EXO is currently extremely famous hence the never-ending schedules that I believe must have tired you out beyond repair. But that's life and everyone goes through something like that when they want to achieve something big. I'm not blaming you though, please don't misunderstand. However I'm pretty sure you're a strong one and for you to file a lawsuit like that, something so bad must've happened that you couldn't stand it anymore. If that is what you must do, then by all means, go do it. I support you, especially if it is a human rights violation. After all, who am I to judge you? I am not you, therefore I wouldn't know what you have gone through and what hardships you must bear. Please do stay strong. If being in EXO tires you, then do what you think will be best. True fans and true friends will support you. Also, true fans will hopefully support EXO even if it could possibly turn 11 one day.

PS: Tao's post hit me hard, especially when I saw the number 11 for the first time. It used to be my favorite number, but now, I'm not so sure anymore. I'm pretty sure I'll get over it soon though, because I'm not a die-hard EXO fan, but I do love SMTOWN very much which is probably why this had such an impact to me. If I feel this way, I can only imagine what the other more dedicated fans would feel...

PPS: I don't blame SM though. Artists should know what they are getting themselves into, especially after TVXQ and Hangeng. SM is just ensuring that EXO is earning as much as they can while they are still famous because face it, new groups will continue to debut and they will never know how long EXO's popularity will last. I just think SM probably has a really crappy way of "wishing for the best" for their artists' financial stability (and of their own too). I find it hard to blame SM because I do study business in college and business is all about making money. The bottom line would always be to earn profit. Things like overworking actually happens in corporations especially to those who adapt the Mainstream Management. Sweatshops, overtimes, these all exist yet we don't pay attention to them nor do we feel for the workers. SM happened to be an entertainment company and their "workers" happened to be idols who have lots of power and influence as compared to mere corporate or factory workers. Furthermore, East Asia has this really big culture on being extremely workaholic and being extremely strict and demanding during work because they seek perfection, so I guess this also plays a big factor in how SM manages their artists. Maybe SM is still very traditional. However I wish people won't blame this on Lee Soo Man though, coz he most probably isn't the culprit.

PPPS: I'm just gonna end here and shut up now. I need to distract myself with something...