I forgot to count to ten again...

This is just my personal rant so feel free to overlook it. I just don't have anywhere else to vent for the time being.

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Last night all hell broke lose when I got home to find my belongings dumped outside the house right under the rain.

She did it again. It's like a zillionth time already but she doesn't seem to remember to never touch my things. Are people in that house too pigheaded to listen to someone's request?

All I ever ask is to leave my room and my things alone. So what if it's messy? I like it messy and I know exactly where I put my things. It's my room, MY WORLD! The only place I feel comfortable with, after all.

Who is she to invade in my little privacy and throw away my stuffs? She doesn't even know what's important and what not. She just blindly throws away anything that look like rubbish TO HER even if those things are my documents, my books, my notes, my diaries, my photo frame and my old phone with its freaking memory card inside FULL OF PICTURES OF MY MEMORIES. What exactly is wrong with that woman?

And her so-called reason is that IT IS HER HOUSE and that SHE IS MY MOTHER she gets to do anything with it and with me. Well, I'm sorry but this is MY LIFE and that small cocoon in that corner is MY ROOM, and all I want is to keep it off limit from intruders like her and everyone else in the house. There are things in that tiny little place I would like to keep to myslef. Just me and me ALONE. Why can't she just give me some little privacy that I deserve? And if she so much likes to claim it as HER HOUSE then how about she pays for it alone without using 70% of my salary every month?

Well, being a person with the worst temper in the world, second only to my parents, of course I didn't take it very nicely, for it's not the first time they crossed the line, and so I turned the house upside down with my rage, only to cry my eyes out later on regretting saying those words I shouldn't have to them. It hurts me for hurting them. I love them, after all. I really feel bad for my dad most. He didn't really do anything and yet I vent on him, but seeing his reactions and the way he sided with mom really got on my nerves, I couldn't stop myself.

A friend used to tell me once to start counting to ten before throwing a fit and running my evil mouth, but I failed yet again. And right now I'm suffering from self-inflicting pain as I keep hearing my own poisonous words over and over again... I hate myself so very much.

 

 

Someone tell me...I will never change, will I?

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KyuSiKyu #1
Ashley, what your mom did was wrong. Yet the way you reacted wasn't the best. Its proven by yourself feeling bad afterward. Life is a nasty, funnie, pain in the . It like to throw random surprises and tests at you all the time.
The thing about parent and families is, you never get to choose. Its already chosen for you from the start. Love them, hate them. They will be in your life. And its only up to you to decide on having a good memory or bad. You loved those doc, books, notes, diaries, photos and phones. Why not try harder to create better memories b/w your parent?
Remember they've been living a lot longer than you have. So its that much harder for them to attempt to change. So 'you' have to do that for them. If you don't want to do it for them. Do it for yourself.
Its not the first time she went into your room or taken your stuff from you. Its a vicious cycle. So new resolution for 2014. Make that's the very last time, at least for this year.
You may wonder why YOU have to be the one to change. Well...the fact that they are your parents and you love them. Not every kid in the world could have parents nags them, stresses them, annoyed them. Many have never even met their parents: being kidnap at young age to become a street beggers for black markets, human traffic (global daily events), tragic disease in loosing one or more of the two.
Be grateful to have both parents healthy enough to bug you much this much...and count the blessing. Life is fair. When you can see both sides of things.

I wish you all the best...and Smiles sweetie. Lives too short to frown upon ^__^
Ayakorea #2
She did wrong and u have the right to get angry okay but u still should keep in mind that she is your MOTHER .just tell her whatvthis staf means to u . U can lock your room also .
jros7644 #3
I am sorry to hear that it has been a terrible night for you. I really can relate to this because I also act like this especially to my mother and siblings. I have a terrible temper most especially when my things/my personal space is involved. In my case, I know that I may have done something wrong. But still... they just don't seem to understand AT ALL where I am coming from that it's frustrating arrrrggggh.
I really even don't know if I myself will ever change and become a good enough daughter for my parents etc etc.
Perhaps time will tell (Aaah this is so cliche. sorry too if this is me rambling again. Just know that you can always vent and share here. and people will listen.)
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