Jessica's POV

 

Stop being my girlfriend.

 

Those words rang through her head for a gazillion times.

 

The immense regret she felt was unbearable. 

 

Exactly a year and a half ago, those words was said, and it haunted her till now.

 

How could I have said that? 

 

Those words were conveyed without hesitant.

 

And with that, she left me.

 

Tiffany left me. 

 

 

---

 

Tiffany's POV

 

She finally got her promotion. 

 

But it came with a price. 

 

Our relationship was on the line. 

 

It started out okay.

 

We were elated at how she managed to clinch that position. 

 

Time passed, our meet ups became less frequent. 

 

So we took to making more phone calls. 

 

Daily night calls became a routine. 

 

We would share our day and end it with the three sacred words before settling in to bed. 

 

Her side of the story would always come as a complain. 

 

The people she encountered with. Her subordinates. Piling up of work. 

 

I understood the fact that her work was time consuming. 

 

She's set with a greater responsibility on her shoulders. 

 

I never demanded, even though I was yearning for her attention.

 

I stood by her side, in case she needed me. 

 

I gave her all the support she required. 

 

I wanted to be the one easing her from all the frustrations at work, but least did I expect, I was the one adding on to her frustration. 

 

Why aren't you saying anything? What's the point of calling then?!?! 

 

It pained me terribly to hear those words coming from her. 

 

Over time, I knew she was calling out of obligation. 

 

She's easily agitated now.

 

Easily getting frustrated. 

 

Nothing is going right.

 

I started crying myself to sleep.

 

At times, I'll be tongue tied. 

 

I'm scared of the words to say for fear she will get annoyed. 

 

I kept it all inside of me. 

 

Never once did I brought up the matter, of the extent she was piercing my heart.

 

I never gave up. 

 

It did not cross my mind. 

 

She's stressed. It's work. 

 

I keep hypnotizing myself with that. 

 

But who am I kidding. 

 

She could enjoy lunch with Taeyeon but not a decent call with me? 

 

I became her punching bag. (Well, metaphorically.)

 

She would vent her frustrations and then I will become her source of aggravation.

 

But I never gave up. 

 

The thought never crossed my mind. 

 

But every night, i cried myself to sleep.

 

 

 

 

.FLASHBACK.

 

18 April 2010

 

It was her birthday. 

 

Instead of our regular birthday date, I thought she would need a break. 

 

A break from me. 

 

And so I planned a BBQ party for her. 

 

I gathered his friends, my friends and our friends. 

 

It took me a week of planning. 

 

Everything was going well. 

 

It'd be a great surprise. 

 

I'd love for her to see the effort I put into keeping our relationship. 

 

But things took a change for the last minute. 

 

Everyone was gathered but she fell sick. 

 

She was the glue of the party. 

 

She had to be there. 

 

I was dumbfounded. 

 

I had to tell her the truth. 

 

So she agreed. Reluctantly. 

 

I drove by her apartment. 

 

She did not utter a word. 

 

I tried to get her temperature by the forehead. 

 

But she slapped it away. 

 

I felt my heart crumbled further with her actions. 

 

But I kept it all in. 

 

We arrived at the pit.

 

She was getting annoyed that I took a wrong turn. 

 

I wished I could disappear. 

 

She was stomping and shredding my heart apart.

 

Her smile appeared the moment we arrived, when "SURPRISE" reached our ears. 

 

Despite the pain in my heart, I was delighted to see the smile I missed for months. 

 

Yes, it has gone on for that long. 

 

Seeing her mingling around with her friends, I took the chance to get my best friend. 

 

She knew the phase I'm in. 

 

'Did you fight?' 

 

'Take me away please.' 

 

My tears were threatening to fall. 

 

 

So Hyo and her girlfriend, Sunny did. 

 

I wasn't sure if she realized my absence. 

 

My tears flowed freely as I walked away. 

 

I did not have the heart to return to the pit. 

 

It killed me to know that I wasn't the source of her smile, but otherwise. 

 

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. 

 

All I knew, I’m not giving up. 

 

I’ll fight for as long as I could. 

 

That way, if things are not working out, I knew I’ve tried my best. 

 

Hyo held on to me like I was the most fragile thing in the world. 

 

A text came on my phone. 

 

It was from her. 

 

‘Baby, I’m sorry. Please come back.’ 

 

It was a turmoil.

 

My heart. 

 

It was a mixture of glad and sad. 

 

But I knew I had to go back.

 

How can I abandon the party that I started? 

 

And I most certainly don’t wish for others to know the problems we are facing. 

 

We came back. 

 

She gave me a smile which I returned. 

 

I’m only hoping for a miracle. 

 

The day went into the night. 

 

Everyone was just enjoying the bonfire when she pulled me away from the rest. 

 

I looked up at her in disbelief. 

 

She gave me the look of immense sorry and regret.

 

My heart swelled, but I took her hands. 

 

We walked silently by the beach.

 

It’s been quite a while since we last had a walk, much less spend time with one another in a serene and peaceful ambience.

 

Feeling cold, I let go of her hands and hugged myself.

 

Somehow, the warmth that she’s emitting was rather disturbing in the silence. 

 

I hated it. 

 

It showed how distant we were. 

 

She stopped, and grabbed my hands. 

 

She pulled me in an embrace. 

 

How I missed it. 

 

She placed a chaste kiss on my forehead, a sign to tell me how sorry she was. 

 

A lone tear fell down my cheek, and I tightened my hold on her waist. 

 

My heart was beginning to heal.

 

---

 

Jessica's POV

 

That day, I realised how much she was willing to go in order to save us. 

 

To save our relationship. 

 

How stupid was I, pushing away the one person who tirelessly fought for our love.

 

I knew I had to change. 

 

But sadly, my temperaments came the moment it left. 

 

She once again became my punching bag. 

 

Whatever she did, whatever she said. 

 

It came on as an annoyance. 

 

Stop being so annoying! 

 

It came to a point where she lost her confidence to even utter a word to me. 

 

I hated it so bad. 

 

I don’t understand how that one person who was suppose to know me in and out can’t figure out the right things to say. 

 

But I never knew the mental and emotional hurt that she was facing. 

 

--- 

 

Tiffany's POV

 

How stupid of me to actually believe things were gonna change for the better. 

 

But for that short while, I was happy. 

 

Jessica made me happy.

 

But I became stupid. 

 

I guess the emotional setback was too much. 

 

I took it all in, hoping one day she’ll realise the things I’m willing to do, things I’m willing to sacrifice to save the relationship we built since 3 years ago. 

 

She made me doubt myself.

 

Am I that repulsive? 

 

Am I doing such a bad job at being her girlfriend? 

 

If being with me is bringing such unhappiness within her, should I leave? 

 

Or should I fight? 

 

I kept on fighting with the will I had. 

 

Because I don’t want to lose the fight knowing I did not try my best. 

 

So I did all I could. 

 

And it came to a point where my heart turned into a stone. 

 

I was mentally drained and exhausted. 

 

The heart that was beating for her seemed to slow down. 

 

I took in all the insults and hurt she threw at me without a sound. 

 

No complaints. 

 

I guess that could’ve been my mistake. 

 

Because I did not wish to burden her with my rants and disappointment, I took it all, not once tried to talk about the problem I am facing. 

 

That we were facing. 

 

That night. 

 

It was the night that brought us to where we are. 

 

I was lost. 

 

Feeling entirely drained with work and her constantly in my head, I head down to the beach where we use to frequent. 

 

I smiled, thinking of all the memories we had for the past 3 years. 

 

It was too beautiful. 

 

The sole reason I wasn’t willing to ask her to part ways with me. 

 

I wanted her to make a decision. 

 

I let it to her disposal. 

 

That night, I gave her a call. 

 

I don’t know what else I could do. 

 

So I decided to ask her. 

 

The thought of calling her, invading her space brought a certain fear in me. 

 

I was scared to be the catalyst of her annoyance. 

 

But I did it anyways. 

 

---

 

Jessica's POV

 

I looked at the phone and let out a sigh. 

 

I don’t know what’s going on. 

 

I don’t know how it had come down to this state. 

 

I kept thinking, maybe she wasn’t the one for me. 

 

Maybe the love I had in store for her had diminished. 

 

Maybe we weren’t meant to be. 

 

Maybe we are too young to be pursuing this. 

 

Maybe, just maybe, this has to end. 

 

I answered the call after a couple of rings. 

 

‘Hey.’

 

‘Hi....’ She said. 

 

Her voice sounded weak. Exhausted. But I brushed it aside. 

 

She stayed silent. 

 

I was getting impatient. 

 

I mean, why call when you’ve got nothing to say? 

 

‘Are you gonna stay quiet or shall we end this conversation? The call doesn’t run for free you know.’ 

 

I tried my best, not to raise my voice at her. 

 

‘Can I ask you something?’ Came her question in a soft tone.

 

‘Sure.’ I answered non-chalantly. 

 

‘What more can I do?’ 

 

‘What do you mean?’ 

 

‘Just tell me what I can do. As your girlfriend, what do you need me to do?’ 

 

I could sense her desperation within her lethargy. 

 

I knew what she meant. 

 

I thought, maybe this is the right time. 

 

Maybe this is it. 

 

So without a hint of hesitation, I said. 

 

‘Stop being my girlfriend.' 

 

---

 

Tiffany's POV

 

Amazingly, no tears came out. 

 

Don’t get me wrong. 

 

I heard what she said. 

 

Loud and clear. 

 

I heaved a sigh. 

 

‘Okay.’ I said. 

 

And with that, I pressed the end button and looked out the sea.

 

I felt nothing. 

 

Just weary.

 

And finally, my fight is over.

 

Even though I failed, at least it's over. 

 

I made my way home, tucked myself in and slept my weariness away. 

 

After months, that night I fell in a deep undisturbed sleep. 

 

 

--- 

 

Jessica's POV

 

Few days has passed, I felt free. 

 

No clingy girlfriend and no doing things out of obligation.

 

I heard nothing from her since that night.

 

No calls. 

 

No text. 

 

No surprise lunches.

 

I thought, maybe this has been the best decision for the both of us.

 

I lived my life in carefree, having lunches with Taeyeon.

 

Going out for drinks without having anyone to answer to.

 

I felt that I could breathe again.

 

It was going into the second week of her absence.

 

Two weeks since we broke up.

 

Two weeks since I broke up with her.

 

I’m amazed at how she’s handling the situation.

 

I thought that being her, she’d call me up asking for a second chance.

 

But the call never came.

 

None of her friends called me up to say if she’s being heartbroken and what not.

 

I hate to deny, but as days went on, she’s occupying my mind. Again. 

 

More than when we were together. 

 

I kept thinking of her whereabouts. 

 

If she’s eaten. 

 

If she’s sick. 

 

If she’s away.

 

I just can’t stop thinking about her.

 

Because suddenly, I felt empty.

 

---

 

Tiffany's POV

 

I was sitting down in a café, overlooking the fast-paced lives of the people outside, with a cup of caramel coffee in my hands.

 

2 weeks without her, I felt like the huge burden has been lifted off from my shoulders.

 

Don’t misunderstand.

 

I love her. 

 

I still do.

 

But why tarnish the beautiful memories in the past by holding on to the unhappiness of the present?

 

And by not being with her has brought back the calamity that I’ve missed for so long.

 

I took a break from work, and life is slowly picking up.

 

I wasn’t thrilled that we broke up.

 

It hurts to see the past years that we built together end up in such.

 

But I believe in fate.

 

If we’re meant to be, there’ll be a way.

 

Maybe not now. Maybe in the future. Maybe never. 

 

I guess it’s better to let go than holding on to something that keeps hurting us.

 

My blackberry vibrated.

 

I looked down at the table at picked it up.

 

Jessi? 

 

I wondered what could contain in the text.

 

Jeesi’Love: ‘Hey... just wondering how you’re holding up... hope you’re okay.’

 

Yeah. I never got myself to change her name.

 

I gave off a light scoff.

 

Is she missing me already?

 

As much as I’m relieved that we decided to part ways, there was something in me 

that wanted her to know how it would be not to have me by her side.

 

Cocky much? 

 

Yes. 

 

But I can’t help it. 

 

I can’t help to think that I never had any impact in her life since the past years, not to have her miss me the moment I’m out.

 

Yes. I wished she’d realise how wrong she was.

 

I took a while before responding.

 

I didn’t know what to say.

 

I wasn’t sure.

 

Tiff: ‘Hey... I’m doing okay. Hope you are too. Thanks for asking.’

 

And that’s how ‘formal’ and distant we were. 

 

That was the last I heard from her that day.

 

I was resuming back my work in the office when a text came 2 days after the last.

 

Jessi. 

 

Jessi’Love: ‘Hey Tiff... I wasn’t in the right state of mind. I’m sorry.’

 

Tiff: ‘Huh?’

 

Jessi’Love: I just wanna tell you, that I miss you. Being away from you makes me miss you... it’s a good sign right?’

 

My eyes were stinging with tears threatening to fall.

 

I never replied.

 

I haven’t heard from Jessi since.

 

 

--- 

 

Jessica's POV

 

She never did reply my text.

 

I’m missing her so bad.

 

I pondered over my actions.

 

I could understand why she’s not responding.

 

The past months, I was being a complete jerk.

 

Even jerk is an expression too nice.

 

I was horrible.

 

I was practically destroying her.

 

She trusted me with her heart.

 

But I ripped it apart.

 

I should’ve known how fragile she is.

 

I promised to protect her, but all I did was torture her.

 

I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

 

How wrong I was. 

 

I wanted her forgiveness.

 

Most importantly, I wanted her back with me.

 

 

---

 

Tiffany's POV

 

I felt delighted that she’s missing me.

 

But I’m still exhausted.

 

I was mentally and emotionally drained.

 

I wasn’t ready for another fight.

 

The week finally ended.

 

Having taken the week off previously, I had so much to catch up on.

 

The weekend is here. 

 

I’ve made plans with Hyo and Sun to have a weekend getaway.

 

I was excited.

 

Jessi’s sudden change of heart was not what I needed to deal with at the moment. 

 

I don’t think she’s yet to be sure of what she wants.

 

And I’m not sure of what I want anymore.

 

The past months have froze my feelings towards her.

 

I don’t know what I’m feeling. 

 

But all I know, I wasn’t ready to go through the whole cycle again. Not now. 

 

Stepping out the lift, a bouquet of lilies was presented in front of me.

 

I was taken aback.

 

It’s been ages since I received one.

 

And the only one who would is Jessi.

 

My heart shook. 

 

Images of the previous months flashed by.

 

---

 

Jessica's POV

 

‘Jessi?’

 

She called out my name.

 

How I missed her saying that.

 

I could hear the tremble in her voice.

 

I pulled down the bouquet covering my face.

 

‘Hey....’

 

Finally revealing the face I’ve missed.

 

The lips I longed to kiss.

 

The body I yearn to hug.

 

The hair I ache to smell.

 

She stared straight into my eyes, not breathing a word. 

 

‘I miss...-‘

 

‘Don’t say it Jess.’

 

I looked up at her in bewilderment.

 

How could she stop me from expressing those words I’m dying to tell her?

 

But I had to.

 

I know the wrongs I did.

 

I don’t deny it.

 

And she has to know how sorry I am.

 

‘Tiff, I know you’re hurt. I know you’re mad. And it’s rude of me to come here, 

unannounced expecting you to listen to what I have to say.’

 

‘I’m sorry. But please. Please listen to me.’

 

‘I’ll go if you really want me to.’

 

‘But for the last time, please listen to me.’ 

 

--- 

 

Tiffany's POV

 

I stood still, contemplating to grant her the chance.

 

She reached for my hand and I did not pull it away.

 

I guess that’s my heart saying to listen because my brain is bent on walking away.

 

With my hands in hers, she brought me into the car, buckled me up and drove away.

 

The route was familiar.

 

I knew where she was taking me to.

 

We arrived at the beach and sat on our favourite bench.

 

We stayed silent for a while before she started.

 

‘I was stupid and blind. I couldn’t see the jewel in front of me. The one who 

stood by me. I threw that precious thing away. Slowly, further and further away.’

 

‘I admit that the job promotion was the start, and the stress was piling up.’

 

‘You were there to comfort me, but I made you my punching bag instead.’

 

‘I know how much my actions and words have hurt you. Baby, I’m sorry.’

 

‘No matter how much apology I’m gonna say, it won’t matter if I don’t prove it.’

 

‘All I’m asking is another chance. I cannot guarantee you what the future might be, but I can assure you that I’m willing to try. I want to try. I wanna change, and I wanna change for you.’

 

My tears were flowing freely with each words she said.

 

She stood up from beside of me, and went on bended knees.

 

I looked down, unwilling to face her.

 

She took my chin and lifts it up slowly.

 

She cleared my tears swiftly with the motion of her thumbs.

 

The look in her eyes, showed the Jessica I met years ago.

 

The eyes that made my heart skipped a beat.

 

And it did.

 

But my head and rational got the better of me.

 

I looked away.

 

---

 

Jessica's POV

 

I knew the confidence she had in me had depleted.

 

I knew the exhaustion she’s feeling.

 

I don’t blame her.

 

---

 

Tiffany's POV

 

‘Jessi, I can’t.’

 

My heart wanted to take back the words but I stood strong.

 

‘I’m tired Jess. I don’t have the strength to fight on.’

 

‘You left me hanging for months. I was lost.’

 

‘I didn’t know what I was doing wrong.’

 

‘I can’t do this anymore.’

 

She held on to my hands, moulding our hands together.

 

‘Tiff, do you love me?’

 

‘It doesn’t matter Jessi.’

 

‘It does Tiff. It does.’

 

‘As long as you love me, it does.’

 

‘Let me fight for us this time. Let me fight for our love.’

 

‘Give me a chance. We’ll start again. Let me win your heart again.’

 

‘Jessi....’

 

‘Don’t say no Tiff. We’ll change what went wrong. We’ll learn from it. I’ll learn 

from it.’

 

My tears aren’t showing signs of stoppage. 

 

She brought our foreheads together, and wiped the flowing tears.

 

‘Baby, one chance is all I’m asking.’

 

She brought my hands to her heart.

 

‘Tiff, trust me when I say it’s beating for you. It has always been. For you. Only you.’

 

‘I need you Tiff. I know it’s selfish of me, but I do. I wanna love you baby.’

 

---

 

Jessica's POV

 

I stood by her, waiting anxiously for an answer. 

 

I don’t want her to give up on me.

 

I don’t want her to give up on us.

 

I can see her battling with herself.

 

‘Don’t break me Jessi.’

 

It came as a whisper, but I heard it loud and clear. 

 

A smile broke on my face.

 

The contentment I’m feeling was beyond the capacity of words. 

 

She looked up to me.

 

And I gave her my warmest smile.

 

‘Thanks baby.’

 

‘I won't and I’ll prove it to you.’

 

I brought her in an embrace with no plans, no plans at all to let her go ever 

again.

 

'I love you.' I whispered in her ears.

 

'and I've never stopped loving you.' She says