There was always worst moment of my writing life. I'm losing the mood all of sudden with different reasons. One time I could feel lazy because too imersed chatting or hang out with friends. One time, lazy comes when in the middle family gathering. Another time, movies or books I currently interested took my attention full. Or it could be because I feel bad over something related to the story, or maybe something related to the inspiration (main cast in fanfic case).

I read somewhere that real writer wont follow her/his mood. Real writer will write, write, keep write until their fingers break, not depending on mood. I guess I'm such a bad writer. Not a real writer yet. Just an amateur who think herself as pro.

I have 1 novel draft in bahasa, 1 fanfic to translated from bahasa into english, and 3 on going englis fanfic. The fanfics already have a lot of subscribers and upvoters. I keep thinking about that, but do nothing. With no mood as excuse. 

The only solve for this is write! Only WRITE! But I dont know how to start. I feel weak in front of my laptop, tried hard to type something from my pathetic brain, but the outcome was terrible. Are those even a plot? What kind of dialog I've write? I'm a person who can do anything without a heart, I cant follow someone order if it pushing me, I cant be insist. So when I insist my self to write when I have no mood, I only producting a crap.

I want to be a pro. Even if just an pro as amateur. An amateur writer who have spirit and big will to keep writing. Think about how bad I am as a writer make me depressed. I can feel my eyes about to pop out. Sitting wastefully in front of laptop. Do nothing.

Ignoring readers, I know it's Bad.

I'm sorry.