I don't update my stories anymore 
Especially the very first one i wrote
Or the second one, hella, even the current one

I've lost that feeling i get when i write
That adrenaline i get when those sentences just seem to fit perfectly. 
When they just seem to give the perfect mood, the perfect feeling, the perfect scenario i want it to have. With the right balance of sadness and glittering hope in it. When its not too much, or not too less. When its just right.

i aint a perfectionist. Tho i may seem like i am. But i'm not. I just like it ... Good. 

I read the first story and my second story recently and i admit that it doesn't give off the greatness i want it to have. But i'm fine with it. I'm still continuing to grow after all. I still have a lot of room to grow for a 14-year old writer.

But the most recent one, that one i'm really proud of. Well, you see, some readers cried over it o.o and i'm like--- nO wAY LiKE nOO XD

But the point of this blog post is just to finally say that i'm feeling insecure with my stories. 

(yEAH i fINALLY sAID iT *^*)

It could be that no one sees them because they have the tags no one would want to see, or that maybe they just don't seem good enough for people, or maybe they got buried under more stories, and so on and on and on with pther possible reasons.

It just kinda when people you know who don't even try, get so much recognition while you, who spends hours deleting and re-writing your story over and over again just because it doesn't look quite right get nothing. 

I don't really ask to be like .. In the 'most upvoted column' of AFF
Because lets face it, i ain't getting there now, and i ain't getting there soon u.u all i want is--

Well now that i think about it, i don't know what i want orz
But all i know is that the way i write is stupid, inconsistent, and retarded. 
I soooo wanna get better. 

But every time i lay my hands on a keyboard to write .. I just lose it and freeze up until a notif from facebook, saying that someone messaged me, brings me back to my senses. 

I think it will take a loooonnggg time before i could boost up my self esteem orz

But i'm a bit happy tho :DDD
because i finally said these words yAY ;; ;;