Hello there unnies, oppas, dongseangs, and darlings! Don't mind me but i have some ranting to do, just to get off my chest.

So there is this kid that I have had only my 2nd crush! And well, he's sending my head in a tizzy.

It started back in August I suppose. I was a new kid, at a new school, one of the youngest students there, and I had no clue who anyone was. I came in my 3rd period class about 5 minutes for lunch, and I got some odd looks. I was the tallest out of all of them, my hair was really short for a girl, and honestly the only thing that could tell me apart as a girl was probably my pink back pack. During lunch I had only talked to to this Girl named Ruby so for about a week she was the only one I'd talk to. So i was the quiet kid in the back of the class for about two weeks, then i got a real seat. I sat next to Eereny and Victor. To be honest I didn't really like Victor, he would bug me on my worst days and I USED to resort to violence. So he got moved and it was me and Eereny for a moth or so.

I wasn't alone anymore. She brought me into her and Victor's group of friend and it turns out I had a class with a girl Named Evelyn. So I wasn't alone in P.E. Later that day as I recall I got a real seat in my math class. I was next to Roman and infront of Roxxane (Roxy) and Daniella (Dani). So honestly there was a total of 7 people I would ever talk to.

After a couple weeks, A.S.B started (A.S.B= Associated Student Body) and I joined, and so did my older brother. A month passed and I slowly reached out to 11 people I talked to daily. Since my now BestFriend Aniya showed up. There was this thing called Back To School night and A.S.B had to work at it. My brother, his friend and I attened and we sold sodas. ( I know I'm getting off topic.)

Anyway, the week later I actually talked to him. Yep, him. It was first period and I recall seeing him in A.S.B with me and I asked him stuff. He seemed different. Later that day my other Bestie Alyssa, brought Aniya and I to sit as his table. He was funny. They asked Aniya stuff like "can I see your drawings?!" (she is an amazing artist!!! Hehehe She's drawing me Hikaru and Karu>.<) and Carlos seemed like the only one who talked to me about what I like to do. I thought this was sweet, but i didn't think much to it.

Well somwhere in october I fell for him and told him in November. I never got a clear answer so I stayed away from him for a while. I didn't sit as his table anymore until late December and Early January. Infact when he talked to me for once it was my birthday and he and Alyssa was singing Happy Birthday in Korean. >.< I know that he started to have moodswings recently. (To start off I am now really social in class!)

I was sitting in my new group with Roman by my side. He really liked this girl and I was helping him get her to notice him, so I would whisper to him and start giggling because I thought it was cute. Then Robert was like "You two are dating?!" Robert's a weirdo but he's my friend and I can't help but love him. I love all my friends. Roman and I look at him, look at each otehr and start laughing so hard! I love roman to bits and pieces, but we would never make a good couple. Then Carlos sits behind Robert. He seemed so pissed!

"Robert just stay out of her buisness. It shouldn't matter to you who she dates." He spat, honestly I thought he was just being moody so I gave him a slight glare. Then for days I wouldn't sit at there table again, because Aniya and I would sit by ourselves, with some of my guy friends coming along. First there is Silverio. He is Special needs, so i mother him a bit. I don't deny it nor do i try it just happens. This was in Febuary so Richie, Davone and Carlos are walking by and Silverio comes behind me and grabs me by my waist. I shriek a bit, but when I relize it was him i started giggling. "How is ya hun?" I remember asking and he gave me chocolates, poems, drawings and kept saying sorry for forgetting Valentines day. i thought it was cute because all I do is talk to theboy. Rinchie comes over and startes begging for food and I hug Silverio and peck his head. beacuse I thought he deserved a peck, i'm not the one to care that much.

Then I see Carlos with a soccer ball glare at me and walk away. I shrug it off, not neccisarily caring. At that point i didn't like him. So i didn't care, but that was nearly a month ago. From then on when I would sit without him or his group of friends he would set their table across Aniya's and Mine and just watch. Well, mainly him. Like a few days ago, I was just sitting with Aniya, the twins, Silverio and their friends. Arnold (the oldest twin) Likes this girl in my class so I was sitting between him and Mario (youger twin) and I was giggling because I started to a bit for fanboying over Gisel. then they started to punish me. Which is tickling. So there I was in a table of mainly guys giggling my head of squirming in my seat and my bestfriend laughing along, when I looked up though, Carlos looked at my table glaring and slammed his lunch pale down.

gah my mind feels numb

then this week, we talked more frquently. During 1st period and second he offered to help me with my work, even though he knows I don't like extra help. In class he would answer the questions only we held our hands to answer and got them wrong. And they were easy! Given my class was lazy we always have our hands up. He got them wrong, which confuses me because he's like the SMARTEST kid in class. Then when I got it right i would glance over and he'll be giving me the thumbs up and smiling, and i do that to him. In 3rd period i would be doing my work and he'll call me over when I'm stressed ( I HATE that subject) and he'll say something stupid and I'll laugh.

Then yesterday. First in between the break of 1st and 2nd period he stayed in and i heard him laughing, it got cold so I ent in, he was laughing, but when I glanced at him he stopped and smiled.

 in 2nd though he got introuble. The teacher of ours is pregnant and she was really moody. He is kind of a know it all, and she shouted that at him, but said sorry. I looked at him though and he was on the verge of tears. Then during 3rd he sewemed better, but i was real stressed since we were study for a test and he kept calling me over just to make corny jokes. At lunch he was pretty upset so he left his usual table and sat between mine and his. He leaves that table when it gets too crazy. I don't blame him, they are NUTZ! But when Roman sneaked up behind him he tried to grab his lunch in a joking matters as he always did before and Carlos flippied!. He yelled at him and hit him with his pale. Oh dear go, Roman was crying and his face was read!. I got up quickly and ran over to roman and started to get napkins and wipe away his tears. (Sorry, i'm a mothering type!) oh my god he seemed so pissed and hurt. It made me want to talk to him, but Arnold called me back because Gisel sat at my table and he was freaing out.

Still during 4th he made me laugh and I though everything was okay. Then after physical ed  I took off my glasses becuz i had a huge head ache. So while I waited in line he started to talking to me.

Carlos: "Jance, where's your glasses?"

me: "huh? Carlos speak up, everyone's talking at once."

Carlos: "Where is your glasses."

me: "Pocket why?"

Carlos: "Nothing you just...... dhgdh"

Richie looks at him wide eyed and hit hit softly, he started to whisper but i all i heard was "donts call her smexy" (Richie isnt that good of a whisperer)

Me: "What was that?"

Carlos: "Nothing....smecky"

Richie: "Carlos shut up, it's nothing Jance."

I shrugged and turned back to Aniya.

Sorry this is sooooooo bring and if you are reading it makes your head feel numb, but that's how i feel.

Then later during advisory he sat by me and grabbed my journal of stories he looked through them and handed back. "You writing is really nice. I would like to read that. I had no clue you write."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

GAH! I just don't know what to do at points i want him just to be a friend but at points i want him to be more! ugh! I just want to feel numb all over and cry. I don't know why i just want to...

 

 

*Side note: Richie has a girlfriend who he loves very much