Depression

                                It’s been a long time since I felt this.

 

                               I didn’t want to feel it again.

 

                                The third time in my life and it still hurts so much.

 

                                Dancing and writing are my way out, but why do I feel like I can’t even do this anymore?

 

                                Work is getting insane, the problems with my own family don’t seem to stop and suddenly, I wake up  feeling like                                 that again.

 

                                “You can have it all, just not all at once.”

 

                                I figured it out myself.

 

                                And as if my heart problem wasn’t enough, I found out I also have feet problems from standing     too much and                                   from wearing high-heels almost non-stop. It hurts so much I can barely sleep the three hours I have free..

 

                                Unlike the previous two, which only made me shut myself down from the outside world, this depression turned                                     me into someone I hate.. I’m always paranoid, I get angry very easy, I explode from little, trivial things. Heck, I                                     even jumped to hit my boyfriend.

 

                                Still, no one really seems to see it. Nobody came and said, “Oh Jay, you don’t look well. Take a few days off, we                                 can handle it here,”

 

                                Nope. They didn’t.

 

                                They only care about the money.

 

I love people, I just hate the society. Funny... WE are the society. 

 

I don’t want to lose the people around me like last time, but I just can’t take it anymore. I’m emotionally unstable. I admit it. Now, please, give me a pen, some paper and good music... I need to recover.

 

Oh, I forgot. It sounds simple, but I can’t do it.

 

The calm, balanced and calculated Jasmine is gone. Here stays a young woman who sees nothing ahead... But who believes that she can get up.. Maybe after some time. Right now, she’s way too deep in to even care about getting up.

 

 

 

Sorry for the ranting. I just wanted to let it out..

 

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matraguna #1
PS: i wrote 3 comments because there were too many characters:))))
anyway, maybe it will help u, maybe not. i wrote this things in another comment, when another author felt like this. i don't know if it helped her, but i wrote again, if it's not for u, maybe it will help somebody else from this strange world we are living in.
hope u don't mind my comments.
kisses:*
matraguna #2
and never forget we are your friends. somehow. maybe you can't see us, but we try to be there for you. ok? kisses and huge hugs!
matraguna #3
ok, i couldn't write more in that post, so i go on with this one:
this morning, i listened to g dragon's "gmarket" and "what do you want me to do" and to gene kelly's "singing in the rain" and pink's "get this party started" and other kind of happy stuffs.
the sens of sight: first, change something on yourself: your hairstyle (don't be to hursh with that, you may regret later), some clothes, buy a new eyeliner or a new blush for your beautiful cheeks or some accessories. second, try to watch cartoons again (but not this new things, the old tom and jerry and other things like that), look after nice drawings or try to draw yourself, put a funny wallpaper on your desktop etc.
the sense of touch: wear fluffy things in winter and soft things in summer, find somebody who can make a real massage if it's possible, a relaxing one (it may help your problems with heart and feet also) and other things that involve touching (anything :) ) i've learned how to massage my head, it helps a lot.
the sense of taste: eat something you really like, but don't abuse it! take care with this sense! and it doesn't have to be suits. it can be a fruit too.
these are the basics when it comes to senses. i've mixed them and it worked. not in a second, it takes time and you have to try to focus on what your body is feeling in those moments. it's hard, i know, but in time it help.
another thing that i tried to do was praying. this is even harder. i don't go to church. i prayed at home, by myself and the only prayers that relaxed me were those involving the hooly mother and i also listened to some tibetan manthras. i know, it sounds strange, holly mother and tibetan manthras, but it was relaxing. first i felt uneasy, but then i felt more relaxed.
AND TRY TO SLEEP! sleeping help your entire body, especially your brain, to get healthier. get some sleep, girl, stop working so hard if it's possible.

the sense of taste: try to eat
matraguna #4
ouch! it hurt reading this cause i kind of know how u feel now. i've been through this, whatever "this" is suppose to be. and i've tried everything that i thought it could work on me: relaxing music, long baths with foams, fragrances therapy, drawing, reading, writing, singing even if my voice , relaxation just by closing my eyes and not doing anything except breathing, eating healthier, drinking a lot of water and tea (tea - bleah!), praying and others, i don't remember everything in this moment.
what worked?
a combination of all of those.
but the most important thing is to have a talk with yourself and ask yourself what's wrong with you.
sometimes you can't change what's wrong in your life. if that's your case, than i suggest you to work on another level of your life. when i saw i can't change the things i don't like and those things that are hurting me, i started to work on my spiritual level. i didn't do all those creepy, ty, crazy things that u may find via internet, but instead i remembered something i've learned in my high school and i've remembered it by reading it somewhere, someday: humans, like any other creature or plant from this planet, have senses. yep! sense! sounds so unimportant.
well, my dear, this was the most important thing for me.
we have senses and if those senses aren't ok, we won't function on 100%. so i started with the sense of smell and i bought myself bath foams (for example, now i have 3 different foams just for myself :) ) and perfumes (i have only 2 perfumes)and body lotions and hand creams and other things smelling wonderful (i think i have...5-6 hand creams and about 3-4 body lotions and i use them according to my feeling each day).
the sense of hearing: i have in my laptop and my phone different kinds of music, from opera to kpop, going through tibetan music, traditional music, reggaeton, latino balads, pop balads, rock balads, funny music, old music etc.
ParkSongRaTT #5
You see? Your friends who give you all of these comments are your spirit right? :) and i think you can always smiling when you read all of them,maybe..hihihi
I cant give you some advice,but i hope these comment will courage you :D
kpop-maniac #6
You should never give up, dearie. What kind of a girl would you be if you do?
I want to give up too. Just sink in a sea of depression. But it's not that simple anymore. I force myself to stand up, and it up. To never give up - as much as I want to. Because giving up is never the option I was given to have.
Music helps. A lot. It makes me peaceful and rational once again.
Mikka_ #7
I understand! Maybe my situation is a little bit different but I think I understand. I know that the fact that I understand will change nothing for you but .. think that you're not alone and maybe .. maybe it will be better
-and I also want to put a com' for showing you that I read the whole things-
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