Can I love you?

I’m not beautiful, and I don’t think a girl like me is even up to your standards. Yes, I’m simple but I’m happy just being myself.

You’re my angel, my hero but little did you know how I catch myself staring at you for more than ten seconds. Every time you come up to me, mind it’s just simple business between us acquaintances, I hear my own chest exploding from inside.

Maybe this is stupid, coy love but I won’t care as long as I can enjoy the blissful feeling whenever those eyes of yours twinkle at your own jokes. If only you knew, you would never look at me the same way again.

I know I’m disgusting. I wear glasses and my sneeze is so very ‘girly’. That’s the reason why I’m locking these feelings inside. I don’t want to get hurt but why.. why can’t I take my eyes off of you.

I curse, I swear.

  you, boy. I hate you, boy.

Still, I can never hide the truth from this heart, no matter how hard I try to deny it. The last resort is to lie to myself, to say over and over again that I don’t love you anymore when it pains so hard inside.

Sometime I feel like tearing this useless heart out of my body but how? The ability to feel is an abstract, something I cannot see let alone touch it. The bitter fact is that it can still be severely damaged even without laying a finger on it.

Is that why heartbroken lovers commit suicide? Is that why you lose hope when you lose your loved one? Is that why I feel lifeless when I think about you?

I wish I can look at you in the eyes and ask you these rhetorical questions and see how you react to them but I don’t have the courage to. Does courage even exist within this weak body of mine?

Of course, you deserve someone better, at least better than someone as useless, as ugly, as stupid as me.

The day will come when I’ll finally forget about my feelings for you, distracted by someone else worth my precious time.

But, I shall never forget you who have stolen a major piece of me.