Today, on February 21, 2014, I lost a dear friend: my dog Gigi.

I remember when I first got her almost 4 years ago. She was 14 years old when she passed away.

I'm sorry. I just...I can't stop the tears coming out. I can't even imagine a future without her. She was always there.

Her cage sits in the laundry room and everytime I go there, I'll be reminded of her. We still have lots of dog food left and I have no idea how we'll get rid of. It'll be a waste if we throw it away.

Right now, she sits in a box full of her belongings. Gigi passed away in her sleep while I was in school. I'm glad she has gone peacefully.

I was so scared when I came home. I touched her and she was so cold. She didn't flinch. She didn't move. She had gone to heaven. The tears automatically escaped me.

I know she has been suffering. She has a tumor that could not be treated. These past few days, her legs became paralyzed and she wouldn't eat. Gigi is a chihuahua and she's always been a little more overweight than the average chihuahua, but since she has not been eating, she lost all her fat. All I could see was her skeleton. When she looked at me, I couldn't even recognize her. She was so skinny and frail. She even lost her voice and couldn't bark. I'm so deeply saddened that she was in so much pain, but at least it's over now.

In the box, we laid her clothes. We draped it over her so she won't be cold. This winter's been very cold. Her collar nests besides her and we even added her favorite treat. Gigi always loved meat so we put in jerky. We decorated the box with messages. I hope she sees them in heaven.

We made a cross with some wooden rulers. We will bury her soon in our backyard and won't forget to stick the cross on. In the spring, we'll plant some flowers on top of her grave. I'm sure she'll like it.

I never thought losing her would be so painful. I cry, but it becomes frustrating. I want to hold her again. I want her to raise her paws to touch my hands and give me high-fives. I want her to play with me.

Gigi was my first dog and likely my last since my mother doesn't want to get another one. But I want her to know that she will always be in my mind.

I'll miss you so much, Gigi.

Sorry for the sadness. I can't believe I'm crying while writing this.

I love you, Gigi. You have been in the last four years of my life and the memories will never be erased. Thank you for being in our family even if it was for a short while.

Our memories will last.

XOXO

Vivian