Happy birthday bro. I know you hate me and I still don't know what I did to make you hate me. And even though we both are sometimes and we say hurtful things we don't mean I always, always forced myself not to be pissed because I considered you one of my best friends and I had too much experience fighting with friends, so I dreaded those cold silences however brief they might be. When you sent me that text telling me to off and stop talking to you I was mad, really mad, but after that initial anger simmered down all I can feel now is misery. And loneliness. I don't know why but too much is happening at the same time and right now I feel like I have no real friends. None to fall back on. Of course I still have my friends, my true friends, but they're halfway across the world and I desperately need a physical presence with me because I feel so insecure. So lonely. And I have to keep up this facade, this mask that says I don't care what people think of me and radiates careless happiness. They say if you keep pretending eventually the lies become real. Why hasn't this mask become real then? I wish there was someone here I could trust completely, so much that I could go to them and pour my heart out and cry and trust them not to judge me or tell anyone, but simply be there for me. You're not a bad person, you're so good to your friends, I've seen it. I guess that's why I can't bring myself to hate you, although when I see you in the hallways or the cafeteria I completely ignore you, but that's just because I have to preserve the little dignity I have left. And I haven't bought your present but I had already decided on it. It pains me not to be able to give you the present, have your birthday dinner with you like everyone else, and wish you a happy birthday. So I'll say it here, although you will never, ever see this.

Happy birthday bro. I wish you all the best in life. <3