Hey, fanfictioners. 

i don't have any people for me to pour all what i felt right now so i think i want to  pour it all at here. well, i don't care if people also ignore my post like they did in my real life. 

i like someone. or should i said i love someone? yeah i love someone, not just someone. him. i love him, damn much. let me say that he my ultimate crush since i was 10 years old till now, i'm 16 years old this year.  so, it's has been 6/7 years i liked him. 

when i was 10 years, i was really stupid back then and i confessed to him. hahahaha. yeah, he rejected me but he still be friend with me and i gladly accept to be friend with him only. 

and when i was 12 years old, i almost  finish my second grade at primary school, i reveiced a shock news. 

he in relationship with my best friend. we really a good friend, we played netball together and represent school and we really closed each other but she dating with him or should i also said, he dating with her. 

i was really broke and misreable. i almost kill her and him using scissor it because i was stressed. 

first, because i have final exam for ended the second grade. 

second, my father cheat on my mother and decided to divorce with my mother and we had family fight one day before i started the exam. 

okay, back to the where i knew they had relationship behind my back and when i tried to kill them, they called me crazy. 

of course i'm crazy. who wouldn't right?

but they didn't last long. i was sad because i already gave my bless towards them and i'm be friend back with my best friend but not him. he avoided me because i avoided him first. 

the avoided thing last until we entered secondary school, where all of us in third grade. 

and i succesful finish my exam and second grade with 2A+ 3B+ Well, at least i got A's when i'm in disaster state hahaha. 

let me said, my first year as third grade was not really interesting. 

he gotten himself a girlfriend and i could care less even deep inside me, i still love him. only one year, he already have many exes. 

can you imagine 13 years old boy in relationship with 14/15 y/o girls? hahahaha. he's insane. lol. 

oh wait! i forget to tell you that he really a good looking boy. he really famous among noonas xD /even he's stupid and dumb, he's not really clever lmao/ 

well, like i said, first year as a third grade not really interesting. 

so, fast forward lmao. 

second year in third grade, i was 14 y/o same like him. this is become more interesting. he still famous, because he become soccer player. /he already become soccer play when he in second grade *10 years old* and represent school, perhaps that's why he in relationsthip with my besfriend because we an athlete/ 

the second year went smoothly, nothing bad happen, yet. and his friends which is happened to be soccer player teased me about how i crush myself into him and when i tried to kill them. 

i want to forget the moment i nearly stabbed them. really. i didn't mean it to kill them. 

he also gotten himself  a girlfriend again, which is in senior year. he was busy with soccer game and he always ditched classes. 

oh did i mention that he getback with my best friend and my friendship with her loosened? ahahaha. my best friend in other class while i in other class and my stupid crush in other class. 

but they getback and they break and they getback. only in 1 year, they relay about 3 times and broke up 3 times. my best friend was playgirl because she's pretty while i'm cute xD hahah jk. 

can i said she the queenka in our year? because she the only one junior who got choose for selection netball player with other senior while i'm not choosen. /sigh/ 

okay, ignored bout it because i gotten myself a new best friend! hehehe. 

our friendship were went smoothly but i felt something off. /shrug/ 

then my new bestfriend, okay let's imagine her name is lily and my old best friend min. 

lily said that she want to make a new facebook account so she gave me her old facebook acc. she gave me her email and password and i opened it. HOLY MOTHA EFFIN. 

lily in relationship with him. /okay, let's imagine his (my crush) name is shang/ lily in relationship with shang about 3 months ago and when i found that they already broke up. 

. WHY IS THIS HAPPENED TO ME. WHY. 

i cry. and we mouth-fight. i was yelling, she was screaming. thank god we didn't wrestling eachh other. sya and sue are my best friend, they calm me and held me from behind. i was pleased to have a friend like them. :D 

after i fight with lily, we be friend back. not that closed because i have sya. 

sometime i thought why shang want choose my friends? it's not like in our school didn't have many pretty girls. THERE ARE MANY PRETTY GIRLS in our school. 

and he still knew that i still have feelings towards but i pretend i didn't which is failed. 

i can't control my body. when i saw him, i will sequeal and my inner fangirl burst out lmao. 

so, i finish my second year in third grade. 

when i entered my last year (third year) for third grade i was happy and gotten myself more girls friends and boys friends! 

oh and shang less popular because he really DUMB. i already said he's not really clever. a simple mathematics questions he can't slove it. /sigh/ his grade dropped and his classes also. kingka can't be dumb. 

and there's a new kingka, well he the soccer player and shang closed friend, zhou.

Zhou is my friend. we become friend in third year because we in same class. i'm in same class as sya, and min. sadly i'm not in the same class as sue. sobs. but it's okay because i have sya. 

sya, min, ling, ame are my best friend in third year (same class)

for us, in third year have to struggle more to enter fourth grade. but i still had a crush on him okay. i still love him when he gotten himself a girlfriend AGAIN and date in front of my freaking eyes. i'm strong enough to handle it because it's not my first time. BD

third year not really interesting. hehehe. so we end our third year succesfully and all of us got 5A's in final exam and zhou got 7A's. SEE, KINGKA HAVE TO BE CLEVER while shang, got 1A's .____. congrats anw. lmao. 

so, fourth grade which is happen this year 2014. :D happy new year belated xD 

Beside sya and sue, i really closed with ling. we shared many things. i have one good news and one bad news. 

sya and sue in same class. 

me and ling in same class. 

i really want to be in same class with sya and sue, but it's okay. at least i have ling. 

but something happen. 

early this january, like 10 January 2014, ling always talk about her ex. when i asking who her ex, she doesn't want to tell me so i shrugged it off. 

back to shang, /sigh/ he started to tease me back. like when i walked he will whistled and said. ''your shoelace is loosened~'' and when i looked at my shoelace, it didn't. ugh stupid playboy. 

i still love him even  i said i like other guy. it for fun. 

and 15 January, min told me that ling's ex is shang. 

OKAY I GOT HEART ATTACK. 

i still acted normal. but i'm crying inside. 

and 16 January ling asked me. 

''meimei, please be honest with me, did you still like shang?'' she asked. 

YOU DUMB OF COURSE I STILL LIKE HIM, NO SCRATCH THAT, I LOVE HIM OKAY. 

''no, i didn't like him anymore.'' i replied. yes, i lied. 

''really? please be honest. i know you're lying. i know you well, mei.'' she said. 

you know why i'm lying? because i love her, i don't want her to be hurt. and even i blocked them from be in relationship i still couldn't get shang because he never laid his eyes on me. never. 

he only thought me as his friend when we in second grade. other than that, no. 

''ling, i can't stop both of your feelings. please do whatever you thought that you should do. think wisely.'' i replied. 

and she thanks me because letting her in relationship with shang. 

''i can't accept him because i don't want to hurt you, meimei.'' she said. 

but you already did. 

''no, you didn't.'' i assured her. 

then today, 17 January, 19:34, ling text me. 

''meimei, i already accept him.'' 

they already in relationship.

i'm crying. 

crying

crying

and

crying 

until 20:20 i replied her text. 

''really? YAY CONGRATULATIONS.'' 

i'm crying again. 

i can't hold my tears. i'm tired of crying but i can't stop my tears from falling. i also tired to make a fake smile everyday, every year. 

you know why im bawling my eyes out? 

i believe ling. she also heard to my story when i told her about shang. 

i never thought that she will betrayed me like this. 

i had enough when min and lily betrayed me. 

i asked myself, why shang have to choose my friends? what his motive? 

and when i said to ling 'think wisely' i mean, please do not chose him over your friend but she so silly to understand that. 

sometimes i thought that i had a enough reasons to commit suicide but no. i have my family and my friends. i couldn't leave them. so today, i was crying like a mess. 

ling texted me today. 

''thanks meimei. iloveyou.'' 

i'm crying again while replied her. ''iloveyoutoo ling.'' 

and still, i'm crying right now when i typing all this crappy s. and sya was really mad at me when i told her i want to go boarding school because i can't face ling and shang. until now, sya didn't reply me and i hope this monday sya will be okay with me. hm.

well. end. 

my life is really bull. 

i'm already used to it. hahaha. 

so, goodnight fanfictioners. :) 

thanks though for read this crappy blog. xoxo.