Don't be mad with the results, I'm a normal human with my own opinion, since you're the one who ask for the review, you can't be mad with me :)

You can follow it if you want, but if you don't like it, please at least respect me c:

Title: (8/10)
The title is really interesting. It would grab anyone's attention, especially Chunjoe's shippers but one thing is the biggest
problem. It's like people would expect something that is cliche, there's no uniqeness inside it.

Overall Appearance:(7/10)

The poster and background is beautiful but it's make me think of a sweet romance instead of an angst story.
Now, let's talk about the font you're using, the color of fonts too. I think it would be beautiful and pulled the readers to
feels the story IF you use Times New Roman, Georgia, Lucida Grande, Droid Serif, Helvetica Neue, Verdana or Trebuchet MS and please don't use colorful fonts , it would spoil the angsty feels in it.

Description & Foreword: (4/10)

The description sounds like a romcom story instead of angst story and you mistaken the past-tense and present-tense, it sounds great if you use Byunghun instead of L.Joe.

'Chunji and L.Joe/Byunghun made a perfect couple. Everyone was jealous of them. They didn't fight or had a break up [arguments mean the same with fight, so you don't need to put arguments again] , but they only undertanding, loving, and trusting each other.

While they were happy together, Chunji had a sudden sickness/ suddenly fall sick. He was hospitalized so the doctor could run
some/any extensive tests on him.

It's been a week since the doctor told them {who is them, make sure you explain this} what's going on with Chunji. The doctors
finally had the results, but something that they didn't know that this 'results' would change both of their lives'

What's the results?
Will both of them be able to overcome this obstacle?
Will their love become stronger? Or fade away?
Will Chunji be lively, happy [I don't think hyper suits the words] and most importantly, healthy again?'

One more thing, it's not make sense if a relationship without any arguments.

Now, it's time for the characters. I don't think so you need to use the blue color for the main characters or telling the
readers what kind of personality they have. Let the readers decide by themselves about how their personality, what is bad side
of these characters. Let if flow with the story, it would be more touchy and artistic.


Plot: (16/20)

I must admit that I'm already have so many experiences in reading and reviewing story, and your plot is not-that original but
still really interesting. People love this kind of story.

You're lucky that you made a normal story-line instead of over-use plots.
Your storyline is great but not impressive in originality :/
 
Language: (10/20)
 
It seems that you love to use Point of View[P.O.V]. It maybe sounds cool, but in my opinion I found that point of view is
more likeable if you use it on a comedy or fluff story. It would give that thrill and fun feel inside it but not for angst.

The narrator point of view seems more useable, it looks more beautiful written and easy to understand, just imagine you're
reading a novel, it's how story should be. Narrator's side could be more powerful than the first person's point of view or second.

Firstly, you need to know the power of narration. Reading the featured stories could make you improve, novel too. Reading
could make you widen the imagination, how to describe it more. I would recommend you to read Akacchiin's story, her writting
is really could be a great example for many writers around the fanfic's site.

This is her stories link if you're interested : http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view_author_stories/38951/L

I have a problem with how easy you said that the school's already ended for that day by writting like this : (after school)
how about you describe it like this,

'The dismisal bell rang through my ears, I stood up before walked out of the class. I took my steps to [the place where he go]
and there where I saw Chunji came running towards me like a cute little puppy. Why he is so cute? [Oh My god is not necessary]
I pushed the thought of kissing him when I saw how adorable he is.'
[it's from Chapter 2]

If the next chapter is happen to represent the next day, don't make it like [next day]. You could write it like this:

'The sun rays hits my face as I stretched and yawn, feeling sleepy."Another tiring Tuesday's morning" I heaved a sigh then stood up. When I was about to walk into the bathroom, my phone rang. Without any hesitation, I answered the call.'

Characterization: (4/10)

The characters in the story has to at least be realistic and memorable to the readers, for example: A perfect human being is less likely to be realistic for liking. There should be excessive or adequate information of the main characters, which includes their background, past, features, physical appearance and characteristics.

Like I said before, you need to let it flow with the story itself, while you're writting, add some dramatic moment where, the
other character observing the other character's appearance.

"I like how his brownish hair fall on his forehead, hiding the pure snow-white skin of him. He smiled shyly as his chubby
cheeks turned into crimson red. His average height made him look more cuter."


Flow:(6/10)

The flow of the story has to flow smoothly from one scene to another, by constantly changing point of view would likely lead to being choppy. The pace of the story has to good enough for readers to catch up but it mustn't be too slow that it might turn off readers. You has full control of the flow and pace of the story.

and there's a reason why I'm not into P.O.V. It's because it's usually and easily could confusing readers and turning off the mood that readers feeling. I think your story is neither too fast or too slow. I can't understand maybe because I'm not the writer, I don't know what's in your mind, how you want to make the story look like. It's your power, you need to use it wisely.


Overall Enjoyment: (7/10)

Your story is really enjoyable and heart touching but it would be great and beautiful if you checked the grammar, pronounciation and verb mistakes. Repair it, it may take a long time to improve but it not a big deal if you're trying to improve yourself to become
a great writer of great stories.