[ Title ]

Score: 5/5

The title is always the one who I read first, when I was about to read or review a fanfic, because when you are reading the title; it's going to be easier for you to judge the books. Doesn't mean that the title is the cover of your book (by mean I'm judging your fanfic by the cover only) but, it is mean that the title is the one who will judge the stories that you write in your fanfic. All the stories will be summarized in one simple sentence or word called 'title'. 

To be honest, your title is kind of confusing for a while, because it says there "'s Hymne'. I thought you were going to write a story about a kid who were singing a kid's song, because it was mentioned in the prompt that you chose; that you need to get one of your memories back. 

But, it does make sense of the ending of the story, which it was a very great idea to put a title that relates to the ending of the story. It related to the song that Jeno's character gives to Hye Ryeon's character. And the song that Bo Kyung made for Hye Ryeon (her version) that makes me can summarize the things in the title also. It was a brilliant idea. 

Nice and interesting title. 

 

[Description - Foreward]

Score: 7/10

The first thing that I need to discus is, how do you make a beautiful and interesting description and foreword? Just scratch out the forward section because you use it to interact and form of the writing contest that you are joining. Here, we will focus more on the 'description', that will be the synopsis of your wonderful fanfiction. 

In the description part, try to summarize the story in a very simple paragraph (but not as simple as the title), that can make the reader get interested in your story. Don't make it too long. If you want to make it long, just make a prolog. Don't need to make a description twice! First description: A simple paragraph about what is the story. Second paragraph: the prolog. No, no, no and don't! It will make your reader lost their interest in your story. 

In your description, I can see that you have tried to make the description as simple as you can, and it relates to the story that you are writing. But for me, it's kind of depressing because you make it too simple but gives 'us' (the readers) low clue at all. Negative clue that makes us not interested in your story. 

Yours: Kwon Hye Ryeon is only an ordinary girl that believes, there is something hidden behind seasons: each of the seasons have a meaning to it. Winter means pains and needles that will distract her life, and spring is a new beginning of her life to change. But how about the meaning behind 'winter approaching' spring? It was only a season matter that makes her blind to love. 

Yups! You did a great job when you mentioned the meaning of those two seasons (which I think it was the prompt). 

But... 

Mine: Her name is Kwon Hye Ryeon, the girl who doesn't believe in first love. She believes that winter is the pain and needles that makes him feels hurt everytime she's trying to search for her love. But spring will be the day, when she smiled in victory and happy with her soulmate. But how about when the winter is approaching spring? People said that it would be the worst luck ever. 

How was it? 

I pick mine better. 

 

[Characterization]

Score: 18/20

Kwon Hye Ryeon:

In my opinion, you give us so many clues about her, because is written for her plot. Just say, you write it (to) her point of view, that makes me understand about her personality, goodly. You describe her personality very well and it was realistic. Maybe it was because Hye Ryeon it's you, right? Well, making a character with your own personality is kind of good and make you easily to make a Fanfiction. Great job!

Jeno:

In here, all of us know that Jeno is still a newbie in a popular media entertainment, so that, we don’t know how was his real character like. But I like it when I know his personality is two-faced. I also realized that he was just using Bo Kyung so that he can be close with Hye Ryeon. Isn’t it like that? Bad boys always have a good side. I think Jeno’s characterization is realistic.

Heo Bo Kyung:

I don’t really see her characterization but I think she was esprit de corps that just wanted to help Hye Ryeon, but you can’t write it to make the readers getting interested. That’s good.. But why don’t you try to include it?

I think that’s the only three points of view that I’ve found (main).

Because it was a oneshot, we (the readers) have less clue of the characterization in your story.

 

[Plot & Originality]

Score: 20/20

You’ve mentioned that it was based on fact and reality, and I believe it. Because it happens to me also. Especially when your parents ignore you... And dating ‘stuff’ that makes me go crazy. That’s creative.

 

[Mechanics]

Score: 18/20

Grammar:

Your grammar is almost to be perfect. But when it comes to “was”, “is”, “are” or “were”, I think sometimes you get it mixed and you make it difficult. You don’t really focused on that part and you don’t fix the mistakes. But it’s okay, I know you still haven’t studied about that part. Try to look at the Mr. Google!

Spelling:

Nothing’s wrong.

Punctuation:

Nothing’s wrong.

 

[Flow]

Score: 3/5

Too sad because it was a one shot, because I want more. But yeah, nothing’s wrong with the story. It was just you who make the plot is fast. Better if you put more complex first before Hye Ryeon caught Jeno is with her best friend, Bo Kyug. That’s going to be more fun.

 

[Writing Style]

Score: 5/5

I like your writing style. Somehow it’s long but descriptive that can make me imagine the scene perfectly. Sometimes I don’t need to imagine because it gives me so much clue. Your writing style is fun for me. It doesn’t make me get bored at all. But you still need to practice how to divide paragraphs. That’s it.

 

[Overall Enjoyment]

Score: 15/15

I like stories based on real life.

 

[Total]

Score: 90/100

 

[Comments]

1. Nobody’s perfect

2. Everybody makes mistakes

3. Please read this review

4. Think about all the sentences I gave you

5. Study about it

6. Good luck, I know you can do it!