I hope ya don't mind me sulking here~

I love writing, I really love it. But writing is not my skill.

But I braved myself to join this site, ignoring the fact that my bad writing skill and horrible grammar.

I simply joined this site because I couldn't handle my feels anymore and wanted to contribute mine.

So, I made my very own story.

I know my story is and I didn't expect things from it. I just had to let the ideas out.

Surprisingly I got some subscribers and after several chapters I got my first comments, it felt so wonderful.

I was enjoying make the story since I got encouragement from the lovely readers. I made friends with some of them.

Then I started to make other stories.

The problems are: I got lots of subscribers (in my scale, they are a lot) and it scared me. I think I didn't deserve them since I found lots of wonderful stories here but they had less attention.

Some of the readers are author too and it scared me. I am freaking scared when I found my favorite author subscribing and commenting. ><

My readers are so encouraging me, expecting a lot form me and I really appreciate it.

But, sometimes, when I was about to update, I started wondering what they are thinking about my story. I closed my eyes sometimes when I was about to read the comments.

I always think that I’m a fair person that appreciates some critics. I guess I’m wrong. When people commented about the plot, I started to pout. It feels like they didn’t really like my story.

That’s why I started to make my stories in ‘subscribers only’ mode on. That way I think that only people who really is interested is going to subscribe. It eases me a little.

I appreciated the comments even it's just a simple 'update soon'. I have this reader that always commented the same thing 'update soon' but I find myself smiling thanks to that simple thing. :] I love comments!

Lately I got a really thoughtful comment, it's almost like a review, pointing about my bad writing skill and my bad grammar, and to be honest I really love it. I genuinely appreciate it.

But then, just like a cue, people started to point my grammar error. And- to be honest- it made me sad. I'm sad that actually there are some of my readers that were uncomfortable with my grammar error from the start but didn't point it out. Then when someone started to point it out, they did the same too.

There are readers that complaint about my characters too. It's really hurtful. I know they said that for my own good, but I guess I’m not that fair enough to appreciate critics. Stupid me.

Now, I felt like I’m not writing happily like I used to where I just need to let my ideas out without fearing about the comments. Now I’m paranoid. I’m writing for people not for myself anymore. I hate it.

It’s stupid how I can’t appreciate people’s offer to help me do the better. I know it’s purely encouragement. But I felt forced.

I felt obliged.

I’m a carefree person so it’s kinda upsetting me.

I think I need to write this : to calm myself, to let my ‘anger’ out, to get my 1^st intention joining this  wonderful site, to be myself.

Thanks for reading this and witnessing the sulking me.

Thank you so much.