Hi you,

I hope you are fine.. How’s life? I know you are happy without me. Happy without a selfish girl like me.. You must hate me, the one who threw you just like you are a rubbish..

I wish I can return back, when you are still mine, I’m still yours,

I miss you, really miss you..

If I have an opportunity to meet you again, I gladly shallowed my own pride, saying that “I’m really sorry on  I've done to you.”

And, I already  said that to you, right?

As usual, you replied, “I’s okay.. This is not your fault, it is my fault..”

Oh God, how you can say that all this breakup is your fault?!

You gave me all your love you had, but being a ungrateful and selfish girlfriend I was, all I gave to you just a GOOD BYE..

I regret it, when I let you go.. Saying “ I want a breakup..”

To be honest, I really happy that time when I finally broke your heart.  I love the guys cried because of me..When you said, “Why you want to have a breakup with me? What I did wrong? Tell me, I will correct it for you because I love you so much.”

At that time, I stunned. I don’t know how to reply you. I flashbacked all our memories, a reality hit me.. “ You did no wrong.. I was wrong..”

I was wrong for playing with your heart.

I was wrong..

“Do you have other man besides me?”

Yes, I have other man besides you when I still yours. I don’t love him, I also not appreciated him, same as you. I just want to play with his heart, same as you.

And, I broke up with him before I broke up with you. I don’t want to let him being a fool who craved for my love. I let him go, before you..

“No, I don’t have any man other than you. I don’t love anyone..” including you.. Yes, I never loved you.. Never..

As long as you still mine, I never love you..

I only accepted you as my boyfriend because I want to have some fun. Yes, you just a fun and game for me at that time..

“If that your decision, I will accept it. I will let you go. You are the best gift I ever had in my life, my girl. You always be inside my heart. I don’t know what I do wrong, but I will accept anything because the most important thing for me is your happiness. You are everything for me, my girl. I want you to forget me.. If you need my help, just call me.. I still be beside you..”

The time you let me go as I wanted, I really happy. I heard your sobs, and I enjoyed it when you cried because of me..

==

Now, that has been two year after our break up.

This is me, the one who can not forget you entirely. Now, I realized that I love you.. I love you. It’s too late to realized that I love you, when you already walked away from my life as I wanted.

I never said these 3 magic words to you when you still mine because my ego is wins over my heart. Yes, I am an egoistic girl who never don’t want to say that “I love you” to anyone including you.

I was in relationship with one guy, after I broke up with you. After 1 week, I broke up with him, because he loves me a lot but I still can not forget you. I don’t want to broke his heart as I have done to you.. You made me realized that heart is not meant to be broken, but heart meant to be loved. But, how can I love someone when this heart of mine does'nt believe that love is existed in this world?

The day on my birthday, that have been 9 months I broke up with you. I waited for you to say, “Happy birthday!” but I know, it is impossible. You must hate me, right?! Me, the one who threw all your efforts and love like a rubbish.. Like all these are meaningless..

At the midnight, 12 o’clock.. my phone vibrated,

“Hye you. Happy birthday! Wish you a good luck in your life! ^____^”

As soon I received your massage, I stunned. You still remember my birthday, but me, don’t know your birthday because I don’t want to know.

Now, I regretted all things that I have done to you. You never asked anything from me when I still yours. I still remember the day you want a permission to hold my hand, I refused it! That is the first and last favor you asked for me..

Now, I’m here right now as ‘heartless girl’. Yes, I am known as heartless girl in my campus now. The girl who always played with boy’s heart but never accepted their love. The one who very warm and sweet in front of people but actually cold and afraid inside. I just want them to know, it’s not that I don’t like the boys who interested with me, it just I don’t trust myself, not to break their heart just like I did to you. I don’t trust myself… And I don't trust in love.. For me, love is unexisted in this world. 

-The girl who never trust in love-