Why am I a Christian?

I start to ponder-why am I a Christian? Why do I go to church, and sing songs of worship, when I do not want to 'surrender my life to Jesus' or 'give my heart and soul'? Why do I go to church, and hear sermons, participate in activities with church members, when I hate my time in there?

 

I hate the worshipping and the singing, they make me thristy, resulting in me having a migrane and feeling dizzy. Which affects my appetite, my movement and my dance lessons. Why do I go to church, why do I call myself a Christian, when I do not pray, when I do not read the bible. Just why?

 

I do not feel the joy when being with the Lord. Instead, I feel dread. Nor do I feel excited. All I think of when singing is about the dance moves and the dance lessons I will be attending later in the afternoon, or the time spent with my team mates and my dance instructors. I think of the people who have just started dancing, I think of the secular music. 

 

Just why? They say that if I am not saved then I will go to Hell. But going to church does not make me a Christian, I don't think I'm a 'true Christian'. I know sI do not think of God. Why? Why do I call myself a Christian? They say God can give me joy, but I do feel really happy when I am with my team mates, not the people I meet in church. 

 

I do not wish to spend my time in church, wasting my time singing songs I do not agree with. No, I know God loves me, but I also know I do not love God. I am just wasting my time singing songs, just wasting time listening to sermons. Oh, they say faith. But what should Christians be doing, what should I not do? Can a Christian dance to hip hop and jazz music? What are our roles as a Christian? I know there should be more meaning to religion than just sermons and singing stuff. 

 

Why do I go to church? I am afraid to preach the gospel. I do not know what to say. I don't even know why I became a Christian in the first place. Because I saw a video on the crucifixion and saw a guy acting as Jesus who had fake blood and scars all over his body and people whipping that guy? Because I used to go to a Christian school who made us sing songs of praise? 

 

It's time I should re-evaluate what I should be doing as a Christian, and whether I want to be a Christian. So I can stop going to church and stop lying to others, or I can continue to go to church and find the joy of being a Christian. If I stop going to church, I could spend the Sunday mornings practicing my dance so I could improve. Or prepare for the jazz test that will decide whether I would stay in the team or be removed. And do something that I am sure I will enjoy--dancing. 

 

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AlienFromMars #1
I really understand how you feel... my family's Christian and by default so am i. But even though I go to church, just like you, i don't really feel like I'm a Christian since to me, everything can be explained by science. Not to mention how bad i feel about deceiving my entire family... It really is stressful and frustrating to pretend to be something you're not, isn't it?
Tashey #2
I'm a muslim too, when i pray .. i feel soooooo gooooooood and i enjoy it.. i love god so much and i love my life as a muslim..

No offence but , you Christian people are drifting the wrong way .. you will remember what i said one day, trust me ;)
klzteam #3
i cant answer u bc im muslim and muslims pray every day 5 times and each time would take like 10 minutes at least , but i still dont feel burdened ,I love god more than anything .
I feel great when i pray bc someone is listening to me , to something you cant tell to a person.
Its just bad how islam's reputation is low bc of saudi arabia's terrorist and killers that doesnt deserve oxygen from this planet.
Anyways i feel bad for you, you are slowly drifting to the wrong way , ideg why are you posting such a thing.
-heibai #4
I get what you feel, because I did feel that way to. Okay so story time :P in the past. I was once (note the once) like, a fully baptized catholic who go to church and pray everyday (literally, honest). But it was all because of my parents, like, they were the one that talked me into it (also because I my best friend was also a devout catholic too). I did enjoy it. I did, I learned a lot of good things and good ways to live and such, but like, as I grow, I started to 'see' stuffs that make me think that 'those people have two faces' you know, they act differently when in church and in real life. I went to a christian school too, and often I disagree with how my religion teacher taught us about 'life' and 'how you should life your live as a christian', because I don't think that it's right.
So I guess I just kindda stopped going to church... Because I don't feel comfortable going there anymore.
I don't know but my principle right now is 'take all the goods from wherever and whatever'. Like, I grew up with a lot of diversity, my grandpa is hindu, my grandma is muslim, my cousins are buddhist, my friends are muslim, and I just... Picked all the goods from all that religion. Lol it's kindda weird how in my family my dad is the only one that's a true catholic anymore. I actually became like this because of my mom :P
It's weird, I don't like to go to church and do sermon and everything, but I don't 'hate' religion. Because I don't see the 'use' in that, like, just go out there, and look at the world and you can learn a lot more than just going to the church... Get it?
But I'm not saying that you should go without a religion too, because in my opinion it can act as a 'foundation' for your life. But also I'm saying that you shouldn't let your religion bind you and set you back to not enjoy your life and see the world with an open mind.

End of story time... Just want to share my point of view... I hope that's okay :)
-- #5
Wow. Just, wow. I'm kinda speechless at this. Not in a bad way; I just don't know what to say.

Reading it over makes me think you should try attending different churches. Maybe this particular church just isn't for you. Talk to your parents about that, maybe they can arrange to make some changes with it. Heck, if anything, talking to God about it is the best choice.

But you probably don't wanna do that, right? It probably seems stupid and boring because you're just talkin' to the air.

To be honest, I think I've had these feelings before. But I believe there's one thing that's behind it: our flesh. Assuming you know what 'the flesh' is, you can't let it stand in the way of God.

Of course you can dance to hip-hop and jazz music, but better yet--there's *Christian* hip-hop. (I'm not too sure about Christian jazz since most of it is instrumental). I know a lot of great Christian hip-hop artist that kids at my church dance to.

And about the 'true Christian' thing, I believe true Christians are the ones who follow God and do what he wants them to do. Well, how do you do that? Pray, read the Bible, ask him what he wants you to do. Dancing may be just that, seeing as it's your gift. You can always minister to someone through dance--and so far, I've seen it encourage a lot of people.

Also, if you don't mind me asking--why don't you love God? Is it because you've never felt his presence or experienced him for yourself? I'm just curious.
ctmgonzaga #6
Goshhh. Although this is supposedly a sad post, I'm actually /quite/ happy i saw this. :)))
I can somehow relate....before. ;)
But now that i've found the true religion..i'm so happy that i wouldn't think of those 'why's' (ex. Why am i practicing this and that?)
I've also found the truth about everything you should know about life and death (which is in the bible)
Why are there sufferings, is there hell, where do we go when we die, does God really care about us, how do you know if it's the true religion, how do we really pray, who is really Jesus, should we worship and pray to saints, who is the ruler of earth, is life just really like this (live and die, live and die) and a lot more things ^^ and all of those are stated in the bible, chinguu.
I'm a baptized Catholic and i'm already fourteen years old now. So fourteen years of my life i've been taught about false teachings and stuff. I'm just like you before... I feel so lazy when calendar strikes on sunday cos we're obliged to go to mass and repeat things over and over, sing and sing songs over and over that i would rather do my hws than going to mass. XD pray the rosary everyday in school. Goshhh, and many more.
But now, i'm being bible studied by Jehovah's Witnesses, everything became clearer!! Now, i dont hesitate and question putting God in the center of all things. ^^ and yeah, He loves us more than what you think of. And unlike when i go out of the mass (it's like a normal day with my straight face :/), i am :)))) when i go out of Kingdom Hall. Hahaha we treat each other like a family just like what Jesus said.
So chingu, if you'll meet one of us in the future... If you want, you can ask more about the bible/ questions you want to know about let's say, life and why does God allow us to suffer like this if He is so powerful. Something like that, ;)))
Comment about your blog: you must really like dancing, eh? :))) hahahahahah
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