Think your life ?  You think you’re not too ugly but not exactly pretty either?  You think that you have a chance that your crush might actually like you for that reason but then someone else, someone prettier, comes into the picture and your hope gets crushed, and you end up thinking you are an ugly duckling after all?  That no matter what you think you’re good at, someone will always be better than you?  That no matter how hard you try to be good at something, you’ll never be as good as the others and you just don’t excel in anything at all.

Well then, I think you should meet Kang Yumi.  You’d get along pretty well.

(WARNING, THIS IS QUITE LONG.)

Kang Yumi is just an ordinary girl.  She likes food, fashion, guys, music, and writing.  She also likes singing and dancing, although she’s not very good at the latter.  She was never the type that got her self-confidence crushed just because of some people. 

She didn’t care at all that she wasn’t popular, but what she cared was how lately, she realized that she never really has friends.  Sure she had people she could talk to and share some things with, but she was seeking for a friend that wouldn’t judge her.  She wanted someone whom she can tell about all the skeletons in her closet without them thinking wrongly of her, someone who understands her no matter what.  Sure, she had one or two of them, but she’s always envied those many people who could easily open up to people because they were already “popular” and accepted by many, there were always ,a lot of people ready to listen to them.

She was known to be a loser, because no matter how much she liked clothes, she had no sense of fashion and ended up looking like a hobo, scratch that.  Even a hobo would look better than her.  She had also gotten her reputation tainted because of some stupid mess she got in back in 8^th grade.

Even among her group of friends, she always has been the girl in the back-- the least important one.  She hated the feeling that when she puts others as her top priority and she thinks they’re important people in her lives only to find out that her friends don’t exactly feel the same.  She didn’t mind though, because she always thought that it doesn’t matter as long as I have them.  She didn’t care that she was sometimes left out because she really couldn’t fit in well.  They were sociable, beautiful, funny, and she was nothing like them.

She didn’t care much at all, until she reached college.  She thought she was finally ready to meet new people and be more sociable.  She tried to make as many new friends as possible but she was always the awkward one.  Most people would always find her weird and didn’t like her right away.  They always found something to criticize about her.

During college, she also tried to take the next step with what she believed to be her “talents”.  But no organization accepted her.  She always wasn’t good enough for anything.

Not in the school paper organization.

Not in the school choir.

Obviously not in the school dance troupe either.

She was convinced that she had the worst life possible in the history of mankind’s average people.

She thought of any aspect at all that she was important, but she always ended up with one conclusion:  She was just a nobody.

Setting that aside, she thought she had finally met someone who could prove her otherwise.  She met someone who made her feel like she was important.

Oh Sehun was that guy.  They were sweethearts, but remained good friends after the breakup.  They shared with one another many things since they were in high school.  She didn’t deny to herself and thought that maybe, someday, he could be the one destined to be with her.  He never failed to make her smile, always thought about and cared for Yumi, and gave her the most wonderful memories.  They would talk about anything and everything. 

But that was in high school.

During college, they drifted apart.  Oh Sehun seemed to have forgotten her and moved on to have new friends.  While she was stuck being alone.  They were also in different universities now.  She would try to text him or email him, but he always seemed to ignore her messages.

What angered her most was that she knew he was doing this consciously because she saw how he communicates with others but her.  He changed.  He became a er for the attention he was getting and since Yumi wasn’t exactly popular, she guessed that’s why he’s been ignoring her.  He doesn’t want to be involved with a loser, a nobody, a nothing.

One day, she felt happy because Sehun came back to her.  They talked for a day like he never ignored her; and he made her feel complete again.  But that’s the farthest it could get.  Because the next day, he was back to ignoring her.  She never felt more stupid in her entire life.  “He just talked to you cause he had nothing else to do.  I can’t believe you can’t see through him.”  “He likes someone else, maybe that girl wasn’t talking to him that day.”  That’s what our common friends told me.  “I’m always a fool when it comes to him.”  She would say back.  “And he’s taking advantage of that.”  But she couldn’t help it, he was her first love, and even though it was one-sided, her walls would just crash down when it’s him.

She has always been bitter, and would hate herself more and more when she sees someone better than her.  She would get pissed off when someone could do something she couldn't.  Heck, she even was bitter at some point towads her friends' new friends.  She gets crazy mood swings because of her low self-esteem.  It didn't mean she was mad at those people, she was mad at herself for not being able to do things that could please the crowd like the others.

She kept asking herself why was she even in this world when she wasn’t good at anything or good for anyone?  It would have been nice if at least she had any luck in love. But she is now officially an invisible potato in the eyes of the male population and often times, just a rebound or a girl to “pass the time”.

She finally just accepted the fact that maybe she was meant to live a miserable and lonely life; nothing accomplished, and no one to be with her.

Her heart ached the more she thought about it.  And the more she thought about it, the more her self-esteem crumbled.  Soon, she was nothing more than a shattered glass.  She was unfixable.

All she could do was write it all down into this piece of whatever you call it.  There’s probably something else similar to this which is more beautifully written and has lesser errors, but you don’t have to tell her cause she knows there’s always something better than whatever she has made.

You’ve probably figured it out who I actually mean upon reading this, but I hope or maybe I know “Kang Yumi” isn’t the only one who’s feeling this way.  So yeah. Adios. ((:

If there's anyone at all who finished this rant of mine, thank you so much.  I wouldn't even post this if it weren't for my best friend, Jamie, cause I swear we really think alike hahaha, she wrote something like this too! okay, now this is really over. <3