Alright so I don't know where else to write this because there are certain people I don't want seeing it~ but eh, I figure as my friends and readers you all have a right to know where I've been/whats been going on lately.

Some of you might have noticed that other than the hotwheels update I've been missing in action since like, June? Other than twitter of course. It's been a really tough few months for me, since I've had to move more than once in that time frame. I thought that once I finally arrived in my current destination (Jasper, AB) I'd be content, ready to get back to writing/my hobbies, but instead some pretty awful things have happened?

I moved here to start working, save up to travel, finally haul my to Japan/Korea etc, and it was fine the first two weeks. I got sick, naturally, because I moved up about 2,000 ft at least in altitude. Other than that, work was super tough to get used to but really fun! I've made some good friends~ I mostly hang out with Insuk, Daisy, Heather, Maren and Sarah (my roommate). They're all really great! it was nice to come here being in the same boat as everyone else, scared because we barely knew anyone, so it was quite easy to make friends. It's a hotel resort, so there are people here from all over the world. Mostly Australia and New Zealand, but also places like philippines, germany, korea, etc..

It's just that... I made another friend here. Chris. Really wonderful guy - the first day I met him, he told me so excitedly that he wants to marry his girlfriend, and that as soon as he feels like he's financially stable, he wanted to propose to her. He was always really nice, sat with me at lunch if he saw I was alone, told me stories about australia...

but then for some reason, he killed himself two Sundays ago.

It's been really hard to come to terms with it. I didn't know him for long, but every now and then I catch myself thinking about it. Mostly about his girlfriend, how the hell is she coping right now? and I know it's a dead end, but I'm always thinking about the whys. I need to keep reminding myself that no matter what happened, in the end he chose his own happy ending. I just really hope that this is what he needed and that it wasn't a mistake. He was an amazing guy to a lot of people.... he deserves nothing but happiness.

It's been hard for me to get back into the swing of anything, I'm constantly up and down in my mood and I sometimes worry that maybe it wont get better, but that's silly, it has to. Soon enough I'll be getting paid regularly, I can start saving up to go home and visit my friends again, go to England, Korea, Japan. Once my mood is better I'll hopefully be able to write again, too. It that something I used to love so much has become such a chore...

I don't really know where I'm going with this now.. I guess I just mostly wanted to write this as an apology to everyone. It's been really hard, I've been taking it out on the wrong people, neglecting the things I should be doing. I'm really sorry

But I'll have you all know I love you <3 each and every one of you ok!!!!!!!!!! I'll do my best to get back into everything.

See you!

-Melissa

also~ come say hi on twitter if I don't have you there already :)

https://twitter.com/happiestgiraffe