I guess I own you guys an explanation. Why have I been this long away? Why haven’t I written anything or even said anything to you.

It just… Some really ty things have been happening in my life. Okay not to me, but to my family and to my close friends.

Remember when I told you that something happened to my little sister? (if you read Fake Flower you might know what I am talking about) I mean that something might happen to her. Well it took about half a year to the doctors to confirm that there was nothing wrong with her and she is really healthy teenager. It was a relief to hear that.

But that whole six months was torture! Every time I saw my little sister I almost started to cry. I just think that it’s so unfair. She is really healthy and if anyone in my family should have that disease it should be me – not my baby sister (okay she’s 13 but she will always be my baby). So yeah, I have been pretty down because of that, but now everything is okay :)

Or that’s what I thought. Something even worse happened about month ago and to be honest, I don’t think the life in my family will ever be the same. It has something to do with my other sister and my mother. And this thing has been tearing my family apart.

To my mother, it’s the worst and I attempt to take her burden to myself. I actually am really emotional and this thing is just really hard for me. Even though I’m not home (thank god!) I can still feel how broken my mother is and that makes me feel even worse.

I haven’t been feeling that good for the past month. Both physically and mentally. I don’t live home anymore, because I now study in university in a different city. And every time I go home to see my family, it’s just… It distress me. I don’t want to go there and see what my family is going through, because I can’t take it. But then I feel bad because I’m not there for my family.

And like this isn’t enough…

Then there’s also my two best friends. One of them found out that her disease (which wasn’t that bad before) has gone worst it will be become even worse… It’s pretty hard for her and I can’t be there to support her because now live 200 km away from her -.-

And my other best friend… Well she just discovered that there’s something wrong with her heart. It’s still not sure what exactly what there is, but she just sometimes passes out and last time this happened was week ago and she broke some bones and it looks like she just got beaten up by an angry wrestler. And once again I can’t be there for her because I’m here and she’s there!

So nothing has happened to me, but to the people I love the most in the world. And it’s just feels so wrong. Why am I the only one who still is healthy and everything? Why can’t it be me instead of them? Why is life so ing unfair?!?!

This whole thing is just… I honestly can’t see myself writing anything happy or fluffy right now. I have many times tried to open the files and write, but nothing comes out. It feels empty in my head. I think that the only thing that can help me is time.

So that’s what I am asking from you guys. Please give me time. I want to be back. I want to write again. I want to finish my fics and start the ten new ones that I have in my mind. I want to be happy again. But right now all that seems so foreign.

I like to thank you guys. For your patience and I ask some more. Please try to understand me and please don’t be mad. I’m not here to whine about this. I just thought that you have the right to know why I can’t write right now.

And why didn’t I tell you guys sooner? Well to be honest I wanted to but I just couldn’t. It took me a month to finally somehow accept this whole thing. And now that I can write about it without crying is a big step forward. So I guess all I really need is time.

I’m not sure how much more time I need, but I think that I might be back in a month or two.

Thank you for staying this long with me and I hope you can wait a little longer :)

I love you guys <3