Only read this if you don't mind my sad depressedness for no reason. 

Ever wonder how life like to mess with your emotions... One minute you're happy. Then you're sad? Then what happens? You're happy again. It really does to have emotions like that. Sometimes I guess. It just doesn't make sense though honestly. I love being myself. I love how I'm happy and I am proud of myself. But behind this wall that a big majority see almost every day I love to crash and not think. I love to just be quiet and then the quietness likes to take a toll in my emotions. I start thinking about how my friends don't text me. How none of them ever text me to say hi anymore. They only text me to ask me for help, or need a shoulder to cry on. Yet I never go to them. Or if I do they tend to tell me useless things over and over. "It's okay." "Just wait." "Things will be better soon." Thats ing bull though. You can't even tell yourself that to cheer yourself up. It's so stupid.

Wow. Right now I just got a text. FROM MY BEST FRIEND. Who has only texted me for the past 3 months just to tell me how sad his life is. How useless he is. And like usual I have to cheer himself up and slap him into sense. Its stupid how he says "Im done texting people first." But unliked him I don't get text by all his friends more than I do. Like seriously. He calls himself unpopular, and unloved. I know for a fact theres over 3 girls who want him to be their boyfriend. No lie. Yet he has to question why they like him. WHO CARES WHY THEY LIKE YOU! They like you for being you. Isn't that all that matters? But no. You have to question it. And remind yourself you're stuck on this one girl who has cheated on you over summer break! Great. ing great. You're the smartest friend in the world. Not.

I'm an . I'm a jerk. I say things behind people's back when they don't realize it. Yet I get all these good compliments like "I'm a good friend." "I can come to you for anything." "You're really true to yourself." haha. Again. That's ing bull crap.  I'm nice? I have no confidence to be mean. I'm afraid to hurt someone. Even though I know saying something behind their back is only 20x worse than if I say it straight to their face. But I'd rather do this. I'd rather say it under my breath. Or not say anything and continuously be mad to myself for not saying how unproffessional and emotional they are for not handling something like a fight. A breakup. A situation with your family. ITS LIFE!

Life has nothing to do with the future. God does not really plan out how we go in life. That's just something we all believe in. Heck even I believe in it. Yet I don't know why. But I may be wrong. We all decide our life. We choose the paths we want to take. If you decide to do drugs. Where does that lead you? Doing drugs! Yeah. Thats an obvious. Like how kpop lead me to the path I am in now?  I love kpop. To I regret it. ing course not. Meeting people. Thats a path we decide to take all the time. Where it goes and who's going to be in it. And who isn't. When people argue, that's cause they chose to argue with someone. When you cut yourself. You cut yourself.  When you don't move on that's how life will always be. Not moving on is something you decided to do.

But I realized I let 2 paragraphs be on nonesense. I guess I'm just letting out some steam. My friends don't text me anymore. My best friends calls just to tell me about how is confusing and tiring day is. Yet he doesn't realize how lucky is to see how loved he is. I don't even know where I am anymore. Like literally. Haha I'm crying when I type this. I'm not even joking with you. I'm crying. I'm on the phone with my friend while he's telling me about his confusing love life. Isn't that sad? I hate it. I don't like it. Yet they don't know how I feel. I've told them about my problems yet none of them don't ever really care. I'm only an ear. Not a mouth. 

It just . I don't like being like this anymore. I just want to cut everything off. I can't laugh anymore. I don't want to laugh. I just want a silent world. But I can't have that anymore. Cause then people will think something's wrong. I'm literally crying. I'm crying. 

Bye.